Tag: Politics

Categories
Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Time …

With a whack of her tail, the dino meeting came to order.

“Okay! Time for everybody to find a place to squat. Welcome, I’m the Annaeshoo, chairwoman dino of the God, Give Us Energy to Survive T-Rump sub-committee. Our star guest on hand today is the heroic, courageous and all around nice dino, the Rickbright, who was unceremoniously drummed out of BARDA — that is, Bugs And Really Dangerous Aromas. Good day and welcome.” 

A few dinos still milled around.

“Okay, I said find a place to squat. I’m not going to talk with Grandoldparty dinos wandering around. Show some respect, would you? I don’t get up and prance around while you’re speaking. So help me, I will sound the Gong of Shame on you.”

The milling continued. She stepped on the tail of Gong, a small dinosaur with an ominous-sounding yelp.

“B-A-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M!”

“There, satisfied? You have been officially shamed. Now squat, dammit.”

Still milling.

“B-A-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M!”

“A typical Grandoldparty dino. Has to be told three times to do anything.”

The dinos ignored her. She could only shake her head.

“B-A-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M!”

“Shamed again. I’ll keep doing it. Because I’m not going to let you sidetrack my meeting.”

She continued the Gong of  Shame intermittently for effect. On principle.

“Alright, let’s get busy. I’ll recognize myself first because we want to begin this meeting on a happy, non-whiny note. We’re here today because the T-Rump sat on his duff for five weeks, allowing the Coronavirus to ravage Dino Nation. With 85,000 dead dinos, you might say he does not have our best interests at heart. I’d better throw it over to the other side now before I say something I’ll really regret. The, uh, ranking minority dino … the Michaelburgess, your opening statement.”

“Thank you, madam chairwoman dino. And those will be the last nice words I’ll toss your way today because the T-Rump told me to despise you until the end of time.”

“Now why would the T-Rump do that?”

“I don’t ask. I’m scared to death of him.”

“Well, I call the shots here. Your lack of respect has just cost you your remaining four minutes.”

“Hey!”

“Hey, yourself. I will now allow the –”

“Excuse me, madame chairwoman dino.”

It was the Gregwalden of the Oregon Wail-Trail

“I have a bone of contention. The Rickbright brought his legal dino with him and I don’t know her from a hole in the ground and I don’t know what capacity either of them are in here today. Is he private? Public? Are they sleeping together?”

“And you just lost the rest of your time. I think it’s time we went to you, Rickbright. Talk to us. I’m going to enjoy this.”

And the Rickbright rose.

 

Ticking away the fomenting that shakes T-Rump’s day

Twitter and waste the hours in an obscene way

Kicking around a game plan to save your home town

Waiting for someone — anyone — to show you the way

 

Tired of staying in the shadows, quiet, masked to watch the pain

The young and old, weak and strong, two thousand more killed today

And then one day you find the virus always finds you 

No one told us when to run, we missed the starting gun

 

So I run and I run to let them all know what I’m thinking

Racing around, I come up and remind them again

The plan is the same in an organized way for the older

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

 

Every day is getting shorter, T-Rump can’t find the time

Plans we have that came to naught because of all his vacant lies

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the humane way

The lives are gone, and more soon over 

Yes, I had so much to say

 

Home

Home again

We have to stay there

That’s the plan

 

When we stay home

Bold, united

The truth to warm our souls

Forget the liar

Who today

Sets them afield

From where they dwell pell-mell 

Calls them to breathe as they please

We fear this mad, unbroken, tragic hell

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Super Spreader Plan …

Two security detail dinos, the Joefriday and the Dicktracy, fidgeted nervously off to the side of the Patchy Grassanweeds party being held behind the Oval Dwelling. It was by invitation only. They tried looking tough while blending into the background — a near impossible task for a dinosaur. The Joefriday finally broke their sacred code of silence.

“What’s the double-secret password today again?”

“Hocus-pocus Diplodocus.”

“That was yesterday. It’s T-Rump bump in the night, right?”

“No, that’s the Tymelania’s emergency alert. I think it’s …”

“Can it,” said the Joefriday. “Just the facts and we lost the only one we had. Dammit. Everything the T-Rump touches dies.”

“Are we gonna die, Joe?”

“Not unless we keep six feet apart. Back up a bit. Look, here they come.” He nuzzled his snout into his armpit. “The pterodactyl has landed. Repeat, the pterodactyl has landed.”

“Joe, uh … why are you talking into your armpit?”

“Because it muzzles my voice and drives the women crazy.”

“Oh. Say, isn’t that the Katiemiller?”

“Sure is. Now there goes one of the great mysteries of our time. Right up there with the chicken and the egg.”

“I’ll say. Does she even like Stephen Miller or is he blackmailing her?”

They kept their eyes trained on her, pausing every ten seconds to scan the audience as per security regulations. Deep down they enthused about this on-the-job perk of girl-watching. The Joefriday snapped to attention.

“Did you see that?”

“What?”

“She just stepped within three feet of the ambassador dino to Lower Slobovia. Three feet, Dick.”

“And she’s not covering her mouth. She’s slobbering, Joe. Sloppy, super sloppy slobbering.”

“That’s a tough one, Dick. Natural reaction and all. But — hold on. Did she just spit at his feet? This is one sick Dino Nation. Did you see that look in her eye? Smells like premeditation to me. That makes one more fact staring us in the face.”

“Oh no, Joe. Not another conspiracy.”

“Let’s move.”

“Right behind you, Joe. In fact, I — I think I’m gonna sing …”

 

There’s a gal who sneaks up like a stranger

And all the while, she’s trying to endanger 

With every cough she takes

Another hand she shakes

Odds are they’ll be showing signs tomorrow

 

Super Spreader Plan

Katie Miller can

She’s gonna join her husband in the growing hall of shame

 

Look beyond her pretty face and you’ll find

She’s taking out all our scientific minds

Oh, C-D-C and F-D-A

She’s breathing on you today

Odds are you’ll be showing signs tomorrow

 

Super Spreader Plan

Katie Miller can

She’s gonna join her husband in the growing hall of shame

 

Super Spreader Plan

Katie Miller can

She’s gonna join her husband in the growing hall of shame

 

Wishing for the Irish luck one day

Good sons and daughters, you may kneel down to pray

Oh, if she gives the guards the slip

And plants one on ol’ T-Rump’s lips

Odds are he’ll be showing signs tomorrow

 

Super Spreader Plan

Katie Miller can

She’s gonna join her husband in the growing hall of shame

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1201 & 1205

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jvsjz-dbe232

Looking for something to mask the Coronavirus scurge? This week’s two T-Rump Traxx are: Day 1201 — “Lyin’ Eyes” … The new dino in the Mediacircustops briefing cave gets off to a b-a-a-a-d start and … Day 1205 — “Michael Flynn” … It’s another DOJ (Dinos Open Jawed) decision to the detriment of the law of the land. Enjoy and as always, feel free to sing along! Dino tail wags to the Eagles and Manfred Mann.

Categories
Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Michael Flynn …

The news-sniffing snout of the Jimacosta flared wide twice, testing the air. The veteran Mediacircustops scanned the cave at this hastily-called briefing by the DOJ (Dinos Open Jawed). He checked the dino squatting beside him again. Yes, indeed. It was the Brandonvangrack, lead dino on the Flynnhasbeen prosecution team. Something was up. The Jimacosta watched closely as the Timothyshea, a DOJ lackey, stepped to the Flat Rock Lectern.

“Ahem, good afternoon,”

The Brandonvangrack quickly rose from his squat.

“I’m not going to just squat here and watch this, this gong show happen. What you’re doing here is a travesty. It’s a shameful, disgraceful sham of a travesty wrapped inside insane, corrupt politics where the letter of the law has been reduced to the dino dung stuck to your heel! Damn it all. I’m outta here!”

He rose and bolted from the cave. The Timothyshea wrinkled his nose.

“All right then, another new employment opportunity at the DOJ. The best and brightest, you know. Where were we? Ah, yes. You know what? We over at the DOJ, we’re going to just drop this whole Flynnhasbeen investigation.”

It was the Jimacosta’s turn to jump from his squat.

“What the — ? Are you kidding me?! You’ve been defending this case for two whole years!”

“That may be true, but a lot has come to light lately. I mean, it took us this long to find something that we could actually rally around to get this thing thrown out. Truth be told.”

The Timothyshea put on his most convincing father-knows-best mug. Only it came across as truly condescending.

“We really need only to look at the facts. This investigation should never have happened.”

“And what facts would those be?” The Jimacosta tapped the ground with his tail. “We’re waiting.”

“Why, the interview conducted by the Langleyops of course. They asked him questions. ASKED him questions! How dare they. What is this dino world coming to? And the planning. O-o-o-o-o-h, the diabolical planning. They wanted to get him to lie so he could get fired.”

“But the lies,” argued the Jimacosta. “What about the lies?”

“Ahem. Two words. Not notable.”

“Not notable? He was the freaking national dino security adviser! He’s not even allowed a white lie.”

“Jim, Jim, Jim. I must ask you. What’s in a lie? A simple mistruth? An innocent straying from fact? A somewhat muddled misstep into your Mediacircustops misinformation? A wee baby step wayward of some vague notion of moral obligation?”

“Your point, pal?”

“Who are we to judge?”

“That’s your damn job.” 

“And I believe yours is fake news. Go ahead and say what you’re going to say. The T-Rump has you covered. Now then, as I was saying, the Langleyops themselves were preparing to close this case because of an absence of derogatory information.”

“I’ll give you derogatory information, you enabling, knuckle-dragging numbskull!”

It was the Jamescomey at the back of the cave. He was quickly ushered out.

“Ahem,” continued the Timothyshea, “as I was saying, this was no longer a justifiably predicated investigation. It was, uh … untethered. Great word. Not tied to anything. A bad case falling apart. You get the picture. We can’t have that. Got’em on the old technicality. That’s right. Had to happen. A couple of sentences to blow up three years of, uh … stuff. So, with that being said, I want to close on a happy note. The T-Rump wanted a parade and all to celebrate the return of our distinguished warrior, but the Coronavirus put a kabosh on that. Maybe later. For now, let’s all raise our short arms and sing our little hearts out to mark this grand day together. I’m sure you know the words. Come on, now …”

 

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

 

Everybody’s cheatin’

To get T-Rump votes

Supposed to lead our defense

Turned out he’s a turn coat

Feedin’ the Russian bear

Another Putin toy

Cuz when Flynn and Kislyak went there

No tellin’ what they did destroy

 

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

 

He lied about his shadow quest

He lied with every tweet

24 days to be replaced

He agreed he was guilty

So guilty, he copped a plea

He sang like some church hymn

But when Flynn and Kislyak get here

He’s gonna lie to Pence again

 

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

 

He will do what he’s gonna do

And never take the fall

Go ask Sally Yates about him

Don’t need no pardon at all

He can watch his grandson sleep

He can step on anyone’s toes

Cuz when Flynn and Kislyak get here

That’s when Billy Barr will impose

You’re free!

 

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

Come all with clout

Come all with sin

You’ll not see nothin’ like the Michael Flynn

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Lyin’ Eyes …

The assembled Mediacircustops in the Briefing Cave gnashed their teeth, slobbered over their feet and tapped their tails in anticipation. It looked like Old Home Week with the Seanspicer, the Huckabeecyclops and the Stephaniegrisham squatting off to the side. The Tyrumposaurus stepped to the Flat Rock Lectern.

“I’m beginning this briefing because more of me and less of anyone else is always better. I thought that it might be a good idea however, to begin these briefings again after the, uh .. 400-day vacation, everybody needs a vacation now and then. But I need to show Dino Nation how transparent I am, especially with the November battle coming up. I’ve brought the Kayleighmcenany on board and she’s only going to be saying nice things about me, I’m sure. Lots of nice things. Only nice things. I’ve invited her predecessors back, some may say for maximum embarrassment, but when have I done that before?  I don’t know. No one knows. Kayleigh won’t have any trouble with the facts like Sean here did. She won’t be as combative as the Huckabeecyclops … and the fact Kelly’s even in the cave with us today puts her one briefing ahead of Stephanie. Now that I’ve upset several dinos — but that’s what I’m here — I’ll turn things over to my new Briefing Cave dino. Kayleigh?”

The Kayleighmcenany stepped smartly to the lectern. The short arm of the Jillcolvin shot up.

“Sorry, I have to ask, but your predecessors there were extremely allergic to the truth. So, do you promise, like wrap your tail around my tail 99 times-type of promise, to absolutely never ever ever lie to us?”

“I will never lie to you. You have my word on that.”

A couple of dinosaurs checked the sun for the time. The Jimacosta dove in.

“The T-Rump says the allegations against the Joebiden are far more compelling than those made against the Brettkavanaugh. How can he say that?”

“Thanks, Jim. That’s an easy one. The allegations against the Brettkavanaugh are verifiably false.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Seanspicer.

“I’ve been waiting for this for s-o-o-o-o-o long. It sure beats dancing.”

The Jimacosta jumped in.

“Verifiably false?! By who? Where? When? Listen, Kayleigh, you’re going to have to start citing some sources because we, the fourth estate for dinos, are going to call you on this nonsense and rubbish your party has been spouting from that pulpit for the past three years.”

“Hmmph. Well, I never.”

“That’s because it’s your first day. Next question. The T-Rump is saying that he has evidence that the Langleyops dinos were setting up the Flynnhasbeen.”

“Oh, a Flynn question. Darn, I hate those. Hmm. I’m just going to say we have a Langleyops message that says, quote, we need to get Flynn to lie, unquote, and get him fired.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Huckabeecyclops.

“Way ahead of you, sister. I only lied once.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Seanspicer. 

“Why you little …” The Huckabeecyclops slugged him.

“O-w-w-w-w!”

“Kayleigh,” said the Jimacosta, “you’re taking that message completely out of context. The Langleyops were simply brainstorming a game plan as to how to conduct the interview, something they do every day. The Flynnhasbeen admitted he lied to them. He pleaded guilty, remember? … Last question, Kayleigh, then I’ll give you a break. Why should the public find the sexual misconduct allegations against the T-Rump from more than 20 women less credible than the one against the Joebiden?” 

“Easy-peasy. They warned me about this one. The T-Rump has swiftly denied all those allegations that were raised four years ago.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Stephaniegrisham. 

“Oh, sure, I never got up there. Because I prefer talking to the home team, the Foxsquawkbox dinos, but I could’ve lied too. I mean not lied. Damn!”

It was just another Mediacircustops briefing in T-Rump world.

“Kayleigh” said the Jimacosta, “while many of the allegations were made against the T-Rump four years ago, it was just last year that the latest accuser, the Jeancarroll, came forward. How many is enough, anyway?”

“Do I have to answer that one too?”

She scanned the room. Her eyes lit up as she spotted a pair of dinos in the back leaning against the wall.

“Wait, aren’t you those harmonizing Eaglesaurae, the Glennfrey and the Donhenley?”

“That’s right, dear,” said the Glennfrey.

Her face turned beet red.

“What are you doing here? Did you come just to see me?”

“Kind of. We have a  song for you.”

“Shut up!”

“You mean the song’s for me,” interrupted the T-Rump.

“Oh, we didn’t forget you.”

“Carry on then.”

And they did.

 

Pretty girls come to the T-Rump early

To get top billin’ on his speed dial

And Kelly, well, there is no need to hurry

To remember all your lines for his trial

The briefings here, have been rather lonely

Waitin’ a whole year, so this is kinda nice

But it breaks our hearts knowin’ that you’ll be only

Giving thanks to all your Fox and friends advice

So the scales of truth, they need a little evenin’

Those up in the Senate, they let us down

So stop the stonewallin’ and the deceivin’

Don’t be keepin’ this the swampy side of town

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies 

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

You do know that the whole nation is a-waitin’

For big virus testin’ to fill the bill

You have a boss that’s always hesitatin’

Ya can’t tell us how many he’s gonna kill

You seem like you once had it all together

You know that it’s been more than a long while

You swear that you’re gonna tell the truth forever

Well, you can toss that one on the ol’ scrap pile

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

The push to open up has been a strong one

This virus is no star across our sky 

This line of reckonin’ could be a long one

What say ya back the doctors, could ya try?

You wonder how he could call Biden crazy

You know he’s the one put old in old school

If and when your thinkin’ starts turnin’ hazy

Ya just found out you’re workin’ for a fool

My, oh my, your boss knows how to tweet things

They screw things up so bad, so dreadfully

It’d be funny if you could actually change things

But three swings are a strike out, one-two-three

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

Honey, you’re a voice we now despise

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Under Testing …

The Jaredkushner raised his haughty, haute couture snout.

“The extreme liberal left is railing against us when they should be celebrating our impeccable performance and saying lots of nice things about us. Everybody knows this is a great success story.”

“Excuse me?” It was the Jeremydiamond, raising his short arm in protest. “You aren’t trying to white wash the deaths of 60,000 dinos, are you?”

“Oh, I hardly think it was that many. When numbers get that high, I can only think of moolah-moolah. Let’s not get lost in the facts when I can go on at length with vague innuendo, half-baked hutzpah and plenty of partisan spin.”

“That’s great, just great, Jared.” The T-Rump beamed to the gathered Mediacircustops. “Isn’t he the perfect son-in-law?”

“T-Rump,” asked the Jeremydiamond.

“No can do. I know what you’re going to ask me about. That damn testing.”

“Dinos want to know, when is it going to ramp up? We need to get to 20 million tests per day.”

“Didn’t you hear the dino doctor Admiralgiroir here? He said we couldn’t do 5 million tests per day if our lives depended on it. They do, so we won’t. Actually, we’re getting close to 20 million tests per day now.”

“You’re only at 300,000.”

“Oh, we’ll be there pretty soon. 20 million. I just have to keep saying it because my dinos believe anything I say. … Now that you mention it, do we really need all this testing? I mean really. What’s in it for me?”

“Responsibility? Stewardship? Your re-election?”

“Now you’re talking. The Mincepencenow. Mike, isn’t it time for you to step in here and prove your gratuitous, lapdog dependence upon me?”

“Of course, my esteemed, brilliant leader. I remain at your beck and call. Thank you for allowing me to get those 4 million tests out.”

“And they’re still out there,” the Jeremydiamond piped up. “They haven’t been completed yet.”

“Ahem, like I said, they’re out there. I’m sure you can understand, whatever difficulty may arise, this really isn’t my area of expertise, but I am in charge. Just listen to my stern, grave voice when I tell you quite frankly, there are a lot of moving parts.”

The T-Rump jumped in.

“Yes, s-o-o-o many moving parts. We’re not a shipping clerk. Or an order clerk. Or some kind of national supply chain organizer. Are you kidding me? That’s for all the 50 regions to figure out on their own. But we are cheering for dino regions everywhere. Just the red ones. Go, Grandoldparty, go!”

“Bum-budda-bum-bum.”

The T-Rump looked at the Jeremydiamond.

“Are you humming?”

“It’s known as scat singing.”

“Sounds terrible. You should have music with it.”

“Okay.”

And the music came.

 

Boom-boom-bah-bay … boom-boom-bah-baby … ba-ba-boom-ba-baby

Testing! … tracing down from me

Tracing down from you, we need much more

Under testing with numbers always down

Splits our nation in two

T-Rump with his tweets

 

Boom-bah-bah babe, boom-bah-bah babe, bee-deh-deh, bee-deh-deh

Not okay!

This virus is knowing

Just when you’re stepping out

While deep inside you’re screaming

“Stamp it out!”

 

Tomorrow gets more dire

Testing our patience, patients’ heart beats

 

Deh-deh-deh

Puh-deh-deh-puh-puh 

Okay.

Slippin’ around, social distance some more

Those were the days, we could just walk out the door

 

Bee-doh-ah-buh, bee-deh-up-bup-bup

Bee-doh-uh … bell-up!

Patience with tweets … be-duh-bee-ah-day

Patients heart beats … be-duh-bee-ah-day

 

This virus is knowing

Of when you’re stepping out

While deep inside you’re screaming

“Stamp it out!”

 

Tomorrow gets more dire, dire!

Testing our patience, patients’ heart beats

 

Turned off … by fake positives and leaders

T-Rump and Pence … two Grade-A jerks

Lies coming from above, always released with scorn

W-h-h-h-h-y, why, w-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y!?

 

Test, test, test, test, test, test

His vanity laughs under testing

We’re dying

 

Can’t we test more, let’s take a stance

Why can’t we test more, no song and dance

Why can’t we test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more?

Cuz test’s such a challenging word

And test dares T-Rump to care for those who are all caught up in this blight

And test dares T-Rump to stop the deaths he has caused on his watch 

This is his last dance

This is our best chance

This is insane

 

Under testing

Under testing

Testing

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Bad Medicine …

The Oval Dwelling dino aides sitting off to the side of Monday’s Coronavirus briefing nervously nibbled their claws down to the bone. What jaw-dropping words would come from the Tyrumposaurus’ yap today? There had been much discussion over the weekend that after Thursday’s crackpot theories for a virus cure and Friday when he’d been stone cold mum, that maybe trotting the leader of Dino Nation out to these briefings was a bad idea getting worse. The T-Rump empire was on shaky ground. But there he stood at the flat rock lectern, ready to bamboozle the assembled Mediacircustops.

“I know many of you thought I wasn’t going to be here today. So, because I always do the opposite of what you expect, here I am. Change is good. Chaos is better. I said last week I wasn’t serious. I was being sarcastic. Just because dinos are dying doesn’t mean I can’t crack a joke.”

“T-Rump,” asked the Jimacosta. “Where are the Tonyfauci and the Deborahbirx?”

“They are not here because if they were … well, you know … I might start m-u-u-u-u-s-i-n-g again and you all know where that got us. Me and my musing.”

“But they’re the experts on the virus. Especially how to stop it.”

“Hold on. You stop right there. You will speak when spoken to. Got that? I am the expert.”

“T-Rump.” It was the Kaitlyncollins.

“What is it? I thought I put you in the back row.”

“I’d like to ask a question of the Mincepencenow.”

“Well. I suppose.”

The T-Rump gave way at the lectern to his second in command. The T-Rump didn’t stray too far however, able to jump in at the slightest vanity.

“Mincepencenow,” began the Kaitlyncollins, “Do you think the T-Rump is crazy? As in being unfit to be the leader of Dino Nation?”

The Mincepencenow visibly winced, his face registering shock and awe. It took a second for him to regain his composure.

“How come you paused?” snapped the T-Rump.

“I’m so very sorry, dear, respected T-Rump of triumphant proportions. The question threw me.”

“I’ll throw you alright.”

“I have a follow up question,” the Kaitlyncollins said hopefully. “At what point, let me rephrase that. Ahem. How bad does it have to get before you and Mother seriously consider moving into the Oval Dwelling? Have you had that discussion yet?”

“Uh … Mother, uh …” The Mincepencenow was seriously sidetracked because he had had that conversation with her. Only yesterday.

The T-Rump jumped to the lectern.

“Don’t ‘mother’ me. How can you think about her at a time like this? My starring role is in peril here.”

The Kaitlyncollins was on a roll. The other Mediacircustops all had their short arms down in solidarity. She was front row center.

“Excuse me, T-Rump. Dinos are dying and you’re just worried about your popularity? Again?” 

“I can worry about two things at once. Like my ratings yesterday.”

There was an awkward pause.

“And?”

“Oh. Well. My ratings two days ago of course.”

“T-Rump, you claim to have 29 million slurps in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir of your one-time game-changing cure. What are you going to do with it now that –”

“Don’t say it. Don’t you say it. Fake, fake, fake-ity fake fake news.”

“Well?”

“I’ll tell you what.” 

He puffed out his chest and began moving his short arms emphatically in front of him, as if measuring the size of a fish he caught. A similar thought raced through the minds of those present. Here we go again. 

“I’ll have you know, I have a very tough job up here. The toughest job a dino has ever had in several lifetimes. But I never complain. I just have to get the word out. That’s all. Because it’s all about word-of-mouth. Look, I’ve been squatting here for five minutes. You know what time that makes it? Self-promotion time. Listen up …”

 

You know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

Bad medicine

 

I’m a stable genius, this comes natural to me 

And injecting disinfectant may be just the remedy

And I got great ideas because they are what you need

Like taking some bright light and shining it internally

In case you got the symptoms, count’em 1, 2, 3

 

It’s my greed

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Pee-Pee-Eee

You get a little, not a lot from me

I hear you beggin’, “Please!”

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Hy-droxy-chloro-quine, gonna give you the shrug

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

 

Now that I have these doctors with me here up on the hill

So while I may talk for hours, they are only here to fill

A word for all those down in front — the ones I’d like to smack

Just look at all these doctors here who pat me on the back

You’re dyin’ anyway, so what’s a heart attack?

 

It’s my greed

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Pee-Pee-Eee

You get a little, not a lot from me

I hear you beggin’, “Please!”

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Hy-droxy-chloro-quine, gonna give you the shrug

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

Let me play doctor, I’ll cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you want

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you need

 

You need a ventilator ‘cause you’re gettin’ close to death

I’ll see if I can find one, then I’ll send it somewhere else

So for now I’ll try to find some kinda pill for you 

You should try it, you may like it … just your life to lose

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

I’ve got—bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I got the notion I can cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you want

Bad, bad medicine

It’s bad, really bad

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1187 & 1191

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-vneck-da69c0

This week’s two T-Rump Traxx are “kool” and blue. That is, Day 1187 — “Liberation” … looks at more than a few dinos on the war path … and for Day 1191 — “The Reaper” … If you know where Kentucky-Muckety-Muck is, you’re getting v-e-r-y warm. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The Reaper …

The dino governor, the Andrewcuomo, sized up his special audience in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir.

“So I’m asking you, Moscowmitch, if you could see it in your, um … one of your incredibly rare instances of good judgement, to convince the Sin Hut dinos here to help out the dinos in the Big Apple Orchard in our desperate time of need, I might even say something nice about you.”

“On the contrary, Gov’nor, I’m not in the mood to begin bailing out the blue dinos. You’d think this was a national calamity. It isn’t. Why, pretty soon, we’ll be going back to our daily lives with or without you. Hopefully without. But here’s an idea. Why don’t you just tell everyone you ran out of moolah-moolah leaves and are just plain broke?”

“Broke, are you kidding me? I think that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And you’re one dumb dino.”

“Now, now. Here me out, Gov’nor. You see this Coronavirus here seems to be attacking you big rock dinos, not the plain, simple dino folk out in the sticks and stones, like me. What I’m trying to say is you Donkeykongrus dinos need to get your nests in order.”

“I find that comment really offensive. Such pettiness. It’s repugnant. And then there’s your logic. I ask you, how do we get moolah-moolah if we’re broke?”

“How should I know? Why don’t you ask that nice dino mayor from Vague-as-Vegas. I’m sure she could help you.”

“You know, Moscowmitch. I’m going to haunt you til the day you die because like the dinos back home, we are Big Apple Orchard tough. And smart. We’re Big Apple Orchard disciplined … and unified, dammit. And loving. Did I say loving? So very loving. I wish I could show you some tough love right now. Because you, Moscowmitch, you’re the exact opposite.”

“Well, thank you for the compliments. Need I remind, everyone, I’m not here to win friends and influence dinos. I’m just here to win.”

The Andrewcuomo knew when he was banging his head against a wall. He rose from his squat and exited the cave.

A smiling Moscowmitch turned to his 52 Grandoldparty Sin Hut followers.

“That felt good. Nothing beats stepping on a Donkeykongrus throat when they’re down and out. Makes me feel like that Rocky dinosaur. But I need a song.”

Say no more. The Sin Hut dinos couldn’t agree on how to best keep Dino Nation from dying but if Moscowmitch needed a song, they’d get right on it. Within hours, dino tails across the land were tapping along with it.

 

All your times have come

Here now under my thumb

The House should fear the Reaper

Under the moon and the sun I reign … Don’t you be like they are 

Never agree … They fear the Reaper 

You just take my plan … They fear the Reaper 

We’ll be able to lie … They fear the Reaper 

Let’s just kick the can

 

La la la la la

La la la la la

 

Coronavirus fun

If you’re blue, you’re done

Show me dough and then we’re set

Together in prosperity … Show me dough and then we’re set 

2,000 deaths and more everyday … Show me dough and then we’re set 

2,000 deaths and more everyday … Redefine happiness 

Another 2,000 dying everyday … Don’t you be like they are 

Never agree … They fear the Reaper 

You just take my plan … They fear the Reaper 

We’ll be able to lie … They fear the Reaper 

Let’s just kick the can 

 

La la la la la

La la la la la

 

I control everyone

I’m in this for the long run

Came my fake day of sadness

Like when Merrick Garland couldn’t get on

So this virus came and then Cuomo appeared

He asked for help and then I sneered

No, no, Cuomo, go to Kokomo … Go to Kokomo 

No, no, Cuomo … Go to Kokomo 

And he ran away … Then they started to die 

I’m the Grim Reaper, don’t ask why … Don’t become like they are

The perfect partisan .. Don’t become like they are

Never agree … They fear the reaper

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!