Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

Lyin’ Eyes …

The assembled Mediacircustops in the Briefing Cave gnashed their teeth, slobbered over their feet and tapped their tails in anticipation. It looked like Old Home Week with the Seanspicer, the Huckabeecyclops and the Stephaniegrisham squatting off to the side. The Tyrumposaurus stepped to the Flat Rock Lectern.

“I’m beginning this briefing because more of me and less of anyone else is always better. I thought that it might be a good idea however, to begin these briefings again after the, uh .. 400-day vacation, everybody needs a vacation now and then. But I need to show Dino Nation how transparent I am, especially with the November battle coming up. I’ve brought the Kayleighmcenany on board and she’s only going to be saying nice things about me, I’m sure. Lots of nice things. Only nice things. I’ve invited her predecessors back, some may say for maximum embarrassment, but when have I done that before?  I don’t know. No one knows. Kayleigh won’t have any trouble with the facts like Sean here did. She won’t be as combative as the Huckabeecyclops … and the fact Kelly’s even in the cave with us today puts her one briefing ahead of Stephanie. Now that I’ve upset several dinos — but that’s what I’m here — I’ll turn things over to my new Briefing Cave dino. Kayleigh?”

The Kayleighmcenany stepped smartly to the lectern. The short arm of the Jillcolvin shot up.

“Sorry, I have to ask, but your predecessors there were extremely allergic to the truth. So, do you promise, like wrap your tail around my tail 99 times-type of promise, to absolutely never ever ever lie to us?”

“I will never lie to you. You have my word on that.”

A couple of dinosaurs checked the sun for the time. The Jimacosta dove in.

“The T-Rump says the allegations against the Joebiden are far more compelling than those made against the Brettkavanaugh. How can he say that?”

“Thanks, Jim. That’s an easy one. The allegations against the Brettkavanaugh are verifiably false.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Seanspicer.

“I’ve been waiting for this for s-o-o-o-o-o long. It sure beats dancing.”

The Jimacosta jumped in.

“Verifiably false?! By who? Where? When? Listen, Kayleigh, you’re going to have to start citing some sources because we, the fourth estate for dinos, are going to call you on this nonsense and rubbish your party has been spouting from that pulpit for the past three years.”

“Hmmph. Well, I never.”

“That’s because it’s your first day. Next question. The T-Rump is saying that he has evidence that the Langleyops dinos were setting up the Flynnhasbeen.”

“Oh, a Flynn question. Darn, I hate those. Hmm. I’m just going to say we have a Langleyops message that says, quote, we need to get Flynn to lie, unquote, and get him fired.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Huckabeecyclops.

“Way ahead of you, sister. I only lied once.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Seanspicer

“Why you little …” The Huckabeecyclops slugged him.


“Kayleigh,” said the Jimacosta, “you’re taking that message completely out of context. The Langleyops were simply brainstorming a game plan as to how to conduct the interview, something they do every day. The Flynnhasbeen admitted he lied to them. He pleaded guilty, remember? … Last question, Kayleigh, then I’ll give you a break. Why should the public find the sexual misconduct allegations against the T-Rump from more than 20 women less credible than the one against the Joebiden?” 

“Easy-peasy. They warned me about this one. The T-Rump has swiftly denied all those allegations that were raised four years ago.”

Ding! Ding! Ding! … Liar!

It was the Stephaniegrisham

“Oh, sure, I never got up there. Because I prefer talking to the home team, the Foxsquawkbox dinos, but I could’ve lied too. I mean not lied. Damn!”

It was just another Mediacircustops briefing in T-Rump world.

“Kayleigh” said the Jimacosta, “while many of the allegations were made against the T-Rump four years ago, it was just last year that the latest accuser, the Jeancarroll, came forward. How many is enough, anyway?”

“Do I have to answer that one too?”

She scanned the room. Her eyes lit up as she spotted a pair of dinos in the back leaning against the wall.

“Wait, aren’t you those harmonizing Eaglesaurae, the Glennfrey and the Donhenley?”

“That’s right, dear,” said the Glennfrey.

Her face turned beet red.

“What are you doing here? Did you come just to see me?”

“Kind of. We have a  song for you.”

Shut up!

“You mean the song’s for me,” interrupted the T-Rump.

“Oh, we didn’t forget you.”

“Carry on then.”

And they did.


Pretty girls come to the T-Rump early

To get top billin’ on his speed dial

And Kelly, well, there is no need to hurry

To remember all your lines for his trial

The briefings here, have been rather lonely

Waitin’ a whole year, so this is kinda nice

But it breaks our hearts knowin’ that you’ll be only

Giving thanks to all your Fox and friends advice

So the scales of truth, they need a little evenin’

Those up in the Senate, they let us down

So stop the stonewallin’ and the deceivin’

Don’t be keepin’ this the swampy side of town

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies 

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

You do know that the whole nation is a-waitin’

For big virus testin’ to fill the bill

You have a boss that’s always hesitatin’

Ya can’t tell us how many he’s gonna kill

You seem like you once had it all together

You know that it’s been more than a long while

You swear that you’re gonna tell the truth forever

Well, you can toss that one on the ol’ scrap pile

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

The push to open up has been a strong one

This virus is no star across our sky 

This line of reckonin’ could be a long one

What say ya back the doctors, could ya try?

You wonder how he could call Biden crazy

You know he’s the one put old in old school

If and when your thinkin’ starts turnin’ hazy

Ya just found out you’re workin’ for a fool

My, oh my, your boss knows how to tweet things

They screw things up so bad, so dreadfully

It’d be funny if you could actually change things

But three swings are a strike out, one-two-three

You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes

All this while, inside somethin’ dies

Defendin’ T-Rump is so unwise

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

There ain’t no way to hide his whopper lies

Honey, you’re a voice we now despise


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!