Categories
Satire

Put the Chairs in the Wagon

At long last, following an 18-month writer’s journey from Creative Catharsis to Research Hell and back, the sequel to Remember Mar-a-Guano! has arrived. To be sure, Put the Chairs in the Wagon qualifies as a stand-alone read, picking up where Remember Mar-a-Guano! left off. While Mar-a-Guano! tackled the national political landscape of 2036, Put the Chairs in the Wagon drills deep into the state of Texas, tearing itself up from within. It’s a multi-viewpoint story, families’ lives intertwined with the pitfalls of politics, immigration and independence. That’s as good a place as any to begin.

Enjoy!

P-s-s-s-t … Put the Chairs in the Wagon will be FREE this Friday, October 10th. Set that calendar date accordingly. Book reviews welcomed.

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

Wednesday, March 12
Kansas City 7 at Seattle 6
Peoria Sports Complex
Temp: 67 at 1:10 first pitch

Subs Submarine Mariners

It ain’t over til the bat baby swings. All five of them. Seattle carried a 6-3 lead into the ninth inning. Cue the heroics-in-waiting. A Joey Wiemer single and Tyler Tolbert homer made it 6-5. Jac Caglianone singled and Gavin Cross tripled him home. 6-6. The comeback was complete when Stone Russell singled home Cross to make the final 7-6. Full confession: I was in the team store buying a cap and t-shirt during the four-run rally. Hey, the spring training fashion line was calling.

The Mariners opened the scoring in the first with a bases loaded Jorge Polanco single driving in Julio Rodriguez, who’d singled. Julio was just warming up. Bases loaded again an inning later, Rodriguez jumped on a Ross Stripling offering for the Grand Salami served to left center and a 5-0 lead. Stripling’s pitching line: five hits and four runs in two innings with one walk and one strikeout.

Freddie Fermin tripled in the third and a Jonathan India single cashed in the Royals’ first run. Kansas City tacked on a run in the fifth, though it was painful. Bobby Witt Jr. was hit on the left forearm with a two-out pitch from Andres Munoz. Tolbert replaced Witt, stole second and scored on Vinnie Pasquantino’s double. In the sixth, Cross opened with a single and eventually scored on a Fermin sac fly. Seattle got that run back in the bottom of the inning when Robles cued the baseball one foot inside the left field foul pole and one foot over the 340 sign for a Willie Mosconi trick shot home run and 6-3 lead. That set the stage for KC and the Sunshine (Boy) Band hits of the ninth.

Ballpark Buzz … X-rays on Witt’s forearm after the game proved negative. It was ruled a contusion. … Seattle starter Brian Woo wowed the crowd with a solid three innings of scoreless work, allowing three hits while recording five strikeouts. … In the seventh inning, Dominic Canzone hit a laser looking to land in left. But Tolbert crawled the ladder to stab the ball for an out. … Attendance: 6,914. … My drink of choice today: the Leinenklugel Summer Shandy.

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

Tuesday, March 11
Cleveland 4 at Los Angeles 10
Camelback Ranch
Temp: 77 at 1:05 first pitch

Dodgers Walk All Over Guardians

After two innings, the LA had a commanding 8-zip lead, thanks to four hits and eight walks. Their six-spot in the first came courtesy of a two-run blast from Tommy Edman, a two-run double off the bat of Max Muncy and bases-loaded walks to Shohei Ohtani and Edman as they sent 12 men to the plate. Edman’s free pass was the fourth straight as Cleveland hurlers lost the plate. Ohtani had three at bats before the 8th and 9th spots in the Cleveland order came up for the first time in the third.

To be fair, this was second stringer day for the Guardians. It was not a split-squad game but Cleveland’s starting lineup was without Bo Naylor, Carlos Santana, Juan Brito, Jose Ramirez, Brayan Rocchio, Steven Kwan and Lane Thomas. LF Will Brennan and 1B Kyle Manzardo were the only Cleveland starters to play.

Did I say there were a lot of walks? Cleveland pitchers walked ten Dodgers in the first three innings. Starter Doug Nikhazy logged four of those walks in a forgettable day that saw him allow 7 ER in an inning and two-thirds. Andy Pages’ two-out single in the second cashed in Teoscar and Kiki Hernandez with LA’s seventh and eighth runs. The Hernandez Show continued an inning later when Kiki singled home Teoscar with run number nine. In the fifth, Chris Newell’s sac fly scored Michael Chavis, he of the wild hair, to make it a double-digit Dodger lead, 10-0.

By then the starters for both clubs had subbed out. Cleveland pushed across a pair of runs in the sixth and seventh innings. In the sixth, Micah Pries tripled into the RF corner to drive in Kahlil Watson before Ralphy scored Pries with a sac fly. In the seventh Guy Lipscomb doubled home Christian Knapszyk. Lipscomb then scored on a Johnathan Rodriguez groundout to make the final 10-4.

Dodger starter Roki Sasaki, in his second spring outing, looked very sharp. He hit 95 and 96 mph consistently in his four scoreless innings of work. Sasaki’s only hit allowed was a lead-off single to Gabriel Arias in the second. Sasaki struck out two, giving him seven strikeouts this spring over seven innings and he has yet to allow a run. Batters are only hitting .182 against him and his WHIP is 0.86.

Ballpark Buzz … Kudos to the Camelback Ranch staff for handing out a program AND a pack of sun screen to each fan. Yes, Martha, the program had a scorecard. Unlike yesterday at Peoria Sports Complex where I had to make my own on the back of a roster sheet. After all, spring training baseball IS having a beer with a ballpark dog and keeping score. One fan told me that’s how he learned math. … As I was driving, the drink of choice today was a blue Gatorade. … Attendance: 10,509. … Tomorrow’s report will be from Peoria with the Royals-Mariners game, my final installment of Cactus Fever for 2025. Looking forward to a Bobby Witt sighting.

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

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Monday, March 10
Cincinnati 9 at San Diego 3
Peoria Sports Complex
Temp: 78 at 1:10 first pitch

Greene Sharp as Reds Roll

Reds starter Hunter Greene logged four strong innings. allowing two hits and one run, a fourth inning rocket off the bat of Fernando Tatis Jr. that rattled the camera box in CF beside the pitch clock. Greene struck out five to even his Cactus League record at 1-1. Elly De La Cruz drove in TJ Friedl in the first inning before Jeimer Candelario ran into a Michael King offering, drilling it 400 feet to right center onto the lawn for a 3-0 lead. Candelario was swinging for the fences as he barreled up two other deep shots to center that stayed in the yard for outs. The HRs were the first spring jacks for both Tatis Jr. and Candelario.

Greene’s been golden since allowing seven runs in four innings over his first two starts. In two starts since, both lasting four innings, Greene has only given up a total of 4 hits and 1 run while striking out 11. That, folks, is how you shave about 10 runs off a spring ERA (from 15.75 to 6.00). If you’re looking for a SP sleeper in your fantasy draft, grab Greene today. He was consistently hitting 98 and 99 mph on his heater. Fantasy Pros ranks Greene as the 33rd best SP with King at #14. Fantasy Baseball Index has Green at #32 and King at #31.

Gavin Sheets was the Big Kahuna in the fifth inning, hitting a laser beam off the Kona Big Wave beer sign in right into the Padre bullpen. But 3-2 is as close as the Padres would get. Cincy put up crooked numbers on the board, scoring two in each of the next three innings. They all came off singles: Friedl in the sixth, Ricardo Cabrera in the seventh and Blake Dunn in the eighth. Dunn’s hit came with a warning from the surgeon general. It was the hardest hit ball of the day, the missile barely clearing pitcher Bradgley Rodriguez’s head. That may have screened second baseman Niko Goodrum who threw up his glove in self defense in front of his face and still took it in the beak. He went down in a heap, laying facedown for several seconds before moving.

The Padres interrupted the Reds trio of two-run innings with a Jose Iglesias groundout bringing home Goodrum before Niko was knocked out an inning later. Today was King’s first start of the spring. He went 2-and-two-thirds innings before being lifted. The three earned runs he allowed came off three hits and three walks. He struck out one.

Ballpark Buzz … Wobbly pop of choice today was a rudimentary MoMo shanty. That is, mixing Mountain Dew into a Modelo tall boy. I saved the labor for drink number two, opting for a Leinenkugel Summer Shanty. … There were three challenges to umpire calls and the umps won every one. … Manny Machado had two at bats, striking out both times. … Attendance: 5,261.

Categories
Satire

Remember Mar-a-Guano!

Remember Mar-a-Guano! is a send-up to the political powder keg America finds itself in a dozen years from now. Complete with a Texas twist, it’s a no-holds barred adventure of conservative cannon balls raining down on democracy.

Click here for the EBook .

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

Thursday, March 14
Cincinnati 4 at Texas 7
Surprise Stadium, Surprise
Temp: 67 at 6:07 first pitch

Langford Slam Shreds Reds

Rangers phenom Wyatt Langford stepped to the plate in the fourth inning with the sacks packed and his club leading, 3-0. Make that 7-zip as Langford launched a long bomb to right center that cleared the fence by a few ten-gallon hats. Last year, the 22-year-old laced the ball around the ballpark at a combined .360 clip in four levels of ball. Call Wyatt right on target. His 1-for-4 Thursday left his cactus average at .361 (13-for-36) with 5 HR and 14 RBIs.

The Reds finally found the scoreboard in what became a Hernandez Old Home Week in the top of the seventh. Texas subbed in Elier Hernandez for Evan Carter in left and Jonathan Hernandez replaced Brock Burke on the mound. After an Austin Hendrick strikeout, Reds’ second baseman Miguel Hernandez pinch hit for Jonathan India. Miguel jumped on Jonathan with a bomb to left for Cincinnati’s first run.

The Reds made some more noise in the ninth. Hernan Perez led off with a single to center. Catcher interference from Andrew Knapp put Hernandez at first. James Free doubled home Perez before Allan Cerda went yard on David Robertson for a two-run blast to center that brought the Reds within 3, 7-4. Robertson fanned Logan Tanner however, to end the game. Jon Gray (2-0) picked up the win, being stretched out to five innings of work. He yielded 3 hits and no runs while striking out five. Tejay Antone (0-1) took the loss for the Reds.

Ballpark Buzz … The Rangers’ Marcus Semien was PBP (Perfect But Painful) at the plate. He singled and scored in the first, stroked an RBI-double in the second, was plunked on the left arm by Buck Farmer in the fourth before scoring on Langford’s grand slam and Marcus walked in the sixth. Semien is hitting .250 (7-for-28) with 1 HR and 2 RBIs this spring. … Surprise Stadium was stuffed to the gills with an attendance of 12,026. … Right field “lawn seating” became downright dangerous. Every time the center fielder or right fielder went to toss the ball into the stands, a munchkin monsoon blew one way or the other, cheek-to-cheek, jowl-to-jowl, step-where-they-may. No band-aid brigade reported. … In the photo above, note the smoke coming out of the “stack” in the third base concourse. The wind blowing out to right quickly took on a barbecue flavor that kept fans down the first base line salivating. … A five-minute fireworks display followed the game before a thankfully long-delayed brief shower. … The game time temperature of 67 dipped to a windy 61, sending several seeking shelter under the covers.

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

Tuesday, March 12
Arizona 2 at San Diego 2
Peoria Sports Complex, Peoria
Temp: 70 at 1:10 first pitch

San Diego Slugger Goin’ South

Twenty-year-old Padres prospect Jackson Merrill wore #70 and batted ninth Tuesday against the Dbacks. Facing Arizona ace Zac Gallen in the second inning after a two-out walk to Kyle Higashioka, Merrill unloaded to left on Gallen’s 0-1 offering. By the time the ball landed beyond the fence, San Diego Manager Mike Shildt had put Jackson in the jump seat. That would be on the plane to South Korea, where the Padres will play the Seoul Series against the Dodgers March 20-21. Raking cactus pitching at a .343 clip with two HRs will do that.

Following the Merrill manifest adjustment, Gallen gave up a Xander Bogaerts single and Fernando Tatis Jr. double before being rescued by Will Mabrey, who got Jake Cronenworth on a fly ball to center.

Jake McCarthy led off the game with a single but that was the only DBacks’ hit until the fifth inning. Trailing 2-0, Blaze Alexander led off the inning with a single. Kyle Garlick moved him along with a 1-4-3 ricochet bullet out that tipped off pitcher Tommy Nance’s glove, thereby nullifying the double play. Albert Amora Jr. grounded out to short for the second out but Nance walked Tucker Barnhart to flip the order with runners on first and second. McCarthy ripped the ball into the right field corner and by the time Tatis Jr. corralled the ball, Jake was chugging into third with a two-RBI triple to tie the game.

The DBacks and Padres mirrored further scoring chances, both clubs having runners reaching second in the sixth and eighth innings, but that was the extent of the scoring, the game ending in a 2-2 draw.

Fernando Fantasy Update: Tatis Jr. went 2-for-3, legging out an in-field single to deep short in the first and lacing a double that just cleared Garlick’s head in left an inning later. Tatis Jr. struck out in the fifth. The two hits bumped his cactus average to .250 (6-for-24) with 5 RBI and 1 HR.

Ballpark Buzz … Cronenworth made the defensive gem of the day in the third when, with Barnhart at first following a lead-off walk, Jake McCarthy lined a ball toward first. Cronenworth dove toward the line, snaring the ball on one hop. He jumped to his feet, stepped on first, spun and nailed Barnhart at second for the double play. … Hats off to the Peoria Sports Complex staff. My wife has a walker and they graciously stored it in a nearby wheelchair area as we made our way up the stairs to section 201 behind home plate.

Categories
Spring Training

Cactus Fever

Sunday, March 10
San Francisco 3 at Seattle 8
Peoria Sports Complex, Peoria
Temp: 78 at 1:10 first pitch

Polanco’s Solo and Slam Slays Giants

Jorge Polanco roughed up San Francisco starter Tommy Romero for five RBIs with a pair of long balls in the first two innings, sending Seattle to an 8-3 win. Polanco’s first-inning blast, a solo shot, cleared the yellow HR line on the black backdrop in center by three feet. His next blast, a grand slam, came an inning later, landing beyond the Cutwater Shirts sign in left after a one-out single by Taylor Trammell and costly walks to Michael Papierski and Dylan Moore. Starter George Kirby picked up the win with two-and-a-third innings of four-hit, two-run ball with 5 strikeouts.

The Mariners’ second baseman also factored in the Mariners seventh run in the fourth. Giant pitcher Carson Seymour was not about to allow a third HR to Polanco when Jorge stepped to the plate with two out. Seymour plunked him but Cal Raleigh made him pay, belting a double to drive in Polanco with his third run of the afternoon. Jorge’s 2-for-2 day has him ripping the ball at a .500 clip (7-for-14) this spring. Raise your hand if Polanco’s fantasy ranking at #236 suddenly became a tempting flyer.

Seattle’s final run was a hard lesson learned for Giant first baseman Tyler Locklear. Jonny Farmelo led off the eighth inning with a high fly foul that sent Locklear angling toward the stands at first. A few feet short of the first row, he reached out and the ball skipped off his mitt. The very next pitch, Farmelo went several barns deep with a homer to right center, prompting a fan behind me to bellow, “That’s on you, 87. Catch the ball!”

The Giants scored two runs in the second when the first three batters, Luis Matos, David Villar and Casey Schmitt, went double-double-single against Kirby. With a wink and a glow, Schmitt’s ninth-inning replacement Jimmy Glowenke went yard in his first spring training at bat for the Giants final run.

Ballpark Buzz … There was a Panda sighting in the sixth inning as 37-year-old Pablo Sandoval, looking very svelte, hit a flare to right for single in the sixth before going down on strikes in the eighth. … Cal Raleigh (6-for-17) went 2-for-3, including a first-inning triple that Giant CF Jung Hoo “Gung Ho” Lee almost ran down in right center, but couldn’t squeeze. … Today’s ballpark shanty of choice was the Deschutes IPA delightfully diluted with Mountain Dew. … Grin and bear it — T-Shirts in the Mariners / Padres Team Store have reached the $45 mark. No supply chain issues there. … Time of game: 2:42. Attendance: 7,572. … It’s great to be back in Cactusville! Stay tuned. I’ll be filing reports Tuesday the 12th (DBacks @ Padres) and Thursday the 14th (Reds @ Rangers).

Categories
Book News

Batter up for “Seven Septembers”

While spring heralds baseball’s beginning, September’s all about winning. Seven Septembers, a three-year labor of love, is now available. From Gabby Hartnett’s 1938 Cubs to Colorado’s raucous 2007 Rocktober, I offer you the seven most fantastic finishes in MLB history. Here is the day-by-day, down-to-the-wire drama each club negotiated in defying the longest of odds to snatch the pennant or a coveted postseason spot.

Seven chapters, 698 pages, of burning pennant fever can be yours for just $4.99. Here’s the Amazon link.