The Jaredkushner raised his haughty, haute couture snout.
“The extreme liberal left is railing against us when they should be celebrating our impeccable performance and saying lots of nice things about us. Everybody knows this is a great success story.”
“Excuse me?” It was the Jeremydiamond, raising his short arm in protest. “You aren’t trying to white wash the deaths of 60,000 dinos, are you?”
“Oh, I hardly think it was that many. When numbers get that high, I can only think of moolah-moolah. Let’s not get lost in the facts when I can go on at length with vague innuendo, half-baked hutzpah and plenty of partisan spin.”
“That’s great, just great, Jared.” The T-Rump beamed to the gathered Mediacircustops. “Isn’t he the perfect son-in-law?”
“T-Rump,” asked the Jeremydiamond.
“No can do. I know what you’re going to ask me about. That damn testing.”
“Dinos want to know, when is it going to ramp up? We need to get to 20 million tests per day.”
“Didn’t you hear the dino doctor Admiralgiroir here? He said we couldn’t do 5 million tests per day if our lives depended on it. They do, so we won’t. Actually, we’re getting close to 20 million tests per day now.”
“You’re only at 300,000.”
“Oh, we’ll be there pretty soon. 20 million. I just have to keep saying it because my dinos believe anything I say. … Now that you mention it, do we really need all this testing? I mean really. What’s in it for me?”
“Responsibility? Stewardship? Your re-election?”
“Now you’re talking. The Mincepencenow. Mike, isn’t it time for you to step in here and prove your gratuitous, lapdog dependence upon me?”
“Of course, my esteemed, brilliant leader. I remain at your beck and call. Thank you for allowing me to get those 4 million tests out.”
“And they’re still out there,” the Jeremydiamond piped up. “They haven’t been completed yet.”
“Ahem, like I said, they’re out there. I’m sure you can understand, whatever difficulty may arise, this really isn’t my area of expertise, but I am in charge. Just listen to my stern, grave voice when I tell you quite frankly, there are a lot of moving parts.”
The T-Rump jumped in.
“Yes, s-o-o-o many moving parts. We’re not a shipping clerk. Or an order clerk. Or some kind of national supply chain organizer. Are you kidding me? That’s for all the 50 regions to figure out on their own. But we are cheering for dino regions everywhere. Just the red ones. Go, Grandoldparty, go!”
“Bum-budda-bum-bum.”
The T-Rump looked at the Jeremydiamond.
“Are you humming?”
“It’s known as scat singing.”
“Sounds terrible. You should have music with it.”
“Okay.”
And the music came.
Boom-boom-bah-bay … boom-boom-bah-baby … ba-ba-boom-ba-baby
Testing! … tracing down from me
Tracing down from you, we need much more
Under testing with numbers always down
Splits our nation in two
T-Rump with his tweets
Boom-bah-bah babe, boom-bah-bah babe, bee-deh-deh, bee-deh-deh
Not okay!
This virus is knowing
Just when you’re stepping out
While deep inside you’re screaming
“Stamp it out!”
Tomorrow gets more dire
Testing our patience, patients’ heart beats
Deh-deh-deh
Puh-deh-deh-puh-puh
Okay.
Slippin’ around, social distance some more
Those were the days, we could just walk out the door
Bee-doh-ah-buh, bee-deh-up-bup-bup
Bee-doh-uh … bell-up!
Patience with tweets … be-duh-bee-ah-day
Patients heart beats … be-duh-bee-ah-day
This virus is knowing
Of when you’re stepping out
While deep inside you’re screaming
“Stamp it out!”
Tomorrow gets more dire, dire!
Testing our patience, patients’ heart beats
Turned off … by fake positives and leaders
T-Rump and Pence … two Grade-A jerks
Lies coming from above, always released with scorn
W-h-h-h-h-y, why, w-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y!?
Test, test, test, test, test, test
His vanity laughs under testing
We’re dying
Can’t we test more, let’s take a stance
Why can’t we test more, no song and dance
Why can’t we test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more, test more?
Cuz test’s such a challenging word
And test dares T-Rump to care for those who are all caught up in this blight
And test dares T-Rump to stop the deaths he has caused on his watch
This is his last dance
This is our best chance
This is insane
Under testing
Under testing
Testing
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 