Tag: Politics

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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

You Don’t Bring Us Justice …

The Williambarr rose from his afternoon constitutional squat, scratched his backside against the tree he was hiding behind, pawed the ground and waddled back into his cave. He was startled to find a pair of dinos sitting there waiting for him.

“The Chuckschumer and the Nancypelosi? To what do I owe this unfortunate embarrassment? Our paths were not destined to cross before your damn committee meeting in what, six weeks?”

“We felt it couldn’t wait, William,” said Nancy. “We see what’s happening.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Tell him, Chuck.”

“We caught you red-handed taking actions that attorney dino generals in the past have always steered clear of. You weighed in on the sentencing guidelines of the Rogerstone. You’re launching an investigation into a battle campaign that’s four years old, debunked, de-authorized and decidedly dumb. And you’re still going after the Hunterbiden from his time in the Ukraine Plain.”

“Are you done?” asked the yawning Williambarr. The Chuckschumer looked over to the Nancypelosi who readily took center stage.

“And, lest we forget, your treatment of the Michaelcohen has been very suspect. What are you doing — if anything — with the Rudygiuliani? He can’t keep his paws clean for 24 hours. And we are extremely worried with what you’re doing with the Flynnhasbeen situation. Would you care to enlighten us on the latest?”

“I’m just doing my job, dammit. Now get OUT of my home before I charge you with contempt of my courtyard, my garden and my compost heap.”

“You don’t compost,” sneered the Nancypelosi. “You keep all your garbage hidden away from prying eyes. That story you gave about being upset about the Tyrumposaurus’ Trollertweeties interfering with your daily work is laughable. Maybe you can cover your compost heap with that. See you next month. And if we have to send Subpoenasaurus number 72 after you, we will.”

The two Donkeykongrus leaders exited the attorney dino general’s cave just as an older dino arrived at the entrance. The Nancypelosi recognized him instantly.

“The Neildiamondsaurus? What are you doing here?”

“Well, uh … you know, I don’t do much touring any more. But I still love to sing. So I’m doing some singing telegrams on the side.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” said the Williambarr. “And who sent you?” 

“Oh, that would be the Geoffreyberman, the dino leader at the Southern District of Manhatinhand?”

“I’m well aware of who he is. I, um, find it rather strange that he’d be doing this. We’re not exactly on the best of speaking terms. But you’re here, so … go ahead.”

A cool breeze filtered through the underbrush outside the Williambarr’s quaint, suburban cave. Leaves rustled lightly, the Neildiamondsaurus licked his lips and began.

 

You don’t bring us justice

You don’t keep the law strong

You hardly talk to us anymore

You broke the oath you swore

A thousand say you stray

 

We remember when

There was truth and honesty

Our trust we gave for free

 

Now after watchin’ you be so tight

With all things T-Rump

And your saying what’s right

We won’t just roll over

We will stand and fight

‘Cuz you don’t bring us justice anymore

 

It used to be so factual

The who and what together

But evidence doesn’t count any more

It just lays on the floor

Til you sweep it away

 

And today, we remember

All the shame you brought us

We learned of each crime

And we learned how and why

While you learned how to shove

And you learned how to lie

 

So you’d think you would learn

It’s time to say goodbye

‘Cause you don’t bring us justice

Anymore

 

Well, you’d think you would learn

How to tell us goodbye

No, don’t say T-Rump now

You don’t keep the law strong

You don’t bring us justice

Anymore

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

It’s In the Way I Abuse It …

It was a natural instinct for dinos to hide. Because big dinos ate little dinos. Other reasons to hide included open, profusely bleeding flesh wounds, two-timing dinos during mating season and of course, knee-knocking shame. Which brings us to the Susancollins, she of the Oh-I-kid-you-not-the-T-Rump-has-learned-his-lesson infamy. Ever since she had voted against impeaching the Tyrumposaurus for that flimsiest of flimsy reasons, the Manuraju, a most industrious Mediacircustops had taken delight in tracking her down to ask her just one more time, how did her wee walnut process that whimpering weasel of an excuse? A weasel that quickly splattered against the Tree of Truth two nanoseconds later when the T-Rump had embarked on a week of being emboldened that rivaled the Napoleonosaurus’ march on the vaunted Moscovian Bluffs. 

The Susancollins breathed a quick, hiccup-like sigh of relief as she laid low in the low-lying Depression de Preshun, a marshland for mush-minded dinos seeking instant refuge. Her nerves were shot. She was shaking like a leaf. Damn that Manuraju. He would be the death of her. She had a big November battle coming up. How could she show her face to the dino masses back on the Maine Plain? She’d tried changing her protect T-Rump excuse to it-didn’t-rise-to-the-level-of-impeachment but that was one expiry date that had long since passed and like a one-hit-wonder, she was now The One-Excuse Wonder. 

A Michaelbloomberg Trollertweety flew by overhead.

“Squawk! Hey, T-Rump! I have w-a-a-a-a-y more moolah-moolah than you! Which means my Trollertweeties will find you, to remind you that you are stupid, you are incompetent and you are a barking clown dino! And now I’m off to tell your friends before you can defend yourself! Squawk!”

The Susancollins couldn’t help herself. She tittered at the message, slightly slobbering down her front. Oh, she wished she could stand up to the T-Rump but she knew that would simply be the end of her. Why couldn’t she be more like the Nancypelosi? Now there was a female dino who had no problem standing up and roaring at the nasty T-Rump.

There came a rustling in the bushes. Was it the Manuraju? Or maybe another DOJ, that is, Dino Open-Jawed legal dino exiting the swamp post haste? She peered through the marshland bulrushes. 

It was the T-Rump!

And he was singing. Oh, no! He was singing that song. Again. The one that was positively driving her around the bend!

 

It’s in the way I abuse it,

Right under your nose

It’s in the way I abuse it,

For friends and my foes

 

And I tell Barr I will lose it,

I don’t tip toe

I play my fun game of Who’s It?

Who’s next to go?

 

I’m always right and you’re always wrong

Justice is weak, I’m making it strong 

You were all losing til I came along

Don’t disobey me or you will be gone

 

It’s in the way I abuse it,

Right under your nose

It’s in the way I abuse it,

For friends and my foes

 

It’s in the way I abuse it,

Right under your nose

It’s in the way I abuse it,

For friends and my foes

 

And I tell Barr I will lose it,

I don’t tip toe

I play my fun game of Who’s It?

Who’s next to go?

 

Those I withdraw, you will like this

My revenge so raw, you will like this

My rewards bring awe, you will like this

Without rule of law, you will like this

 

It’s in the way I abuse it,

For friends and my foes

It’s in the way I abuse it,

And who’s next to go?

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

 

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet …

The large-noggined Nostradamarus leaned back against the shady Holyoak Tree at the corner of Astrodon Avenue and Styracosaurus Street. It was a busy intersection of migration routes and a prime location to spout doomsday sayings. He watched intently at the dinos hurrying along, always on the lookout for their next meal. There was simply no time these days for existential thoughts.

That’s where the Nostradamarus came in. He made it his business to keep dinos up to date with the life-threatening news that may on the surface appear as harmless fluff in the grand scheme of things. The Nostradamarus had seen a lot hanging out at the Holyoak. He’d watched the Joemccarthy Red Dino Scare picked apart by the veteran Mediacircustops, the Edwardmurrow. The Nostradamarus had been watching when the Trickydickeroo fell into the dire Watergate Straits and been forced to give up his reign in the Oval Dwelling. But lately, with the Tyrumposaurus in power, he couldn’t wake up any day of the week without giving serious thought to slamming his eyeballs shut and just going back to sleep. 

But the Nostradamarus had a job to do. He’d opened his eyes and dutifully dragged himself out of his cave down to his doomsday domain to alert the masses that these were indeed desperate times. The Muellersavus investigation had not exonerated the T-Rump. On the contrary, the ten counts of obstruction of justice merely scratched the surface because the very day after the Muellersavus said, “Hey! This dino? Watch out for him. No, I mean really watch out for him,” the T-Rump had contacted the Zelensky to have him stir things up in the upcoming November battle. That is, if the Zelensky wanted help against the Russodinos in his backyard. The Ukraine Plain scandal that followed led to the recently completed impeachment trial in the Sin Hut where all the Grandoldparty dinos, all except the venerable Mittromney, agreed that the T-Rump was — horror of horrors! — innocent because a fair trial was after all possible without relevant witnesses. It was enough to make a dino choke on a Porcupinaurus.

What was next? How bad was it going to get? When would this end? Prospects were not good. The attorney dino general, the Williambarr was solidly entrenched in the T-Rump’s corner. Add in 50+ Grandoldparty Sin Hut dinos, all blatantly exposed as lapdog sycophants with the November battle still nine months away, and it was anybody’s guess. Ahem, the Nostradamarus’ guess. 

The prognosticating prong-horned dino sighed and looked overhead at the gleaming sun. Top of the hour. Time to again bring his message to the dino nation. Being a doomsday dino was a lonely job with few merits and fewer hand-outs. But bringing it meant singing it. Fortunately for him, it was a catchy tune.

 

I met the devil T-Rump

He stole my soul away

He said, I need more comin’ to me

Today and everyday

He thinks that any shove is good shovin’

So he pushed them out, no sweat

His walnut brain cracked one more time 

He said,

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet

M-m-m-maybe, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

Yovanovitch, you never gonna forget

M-m-m-maybe, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

Nothin’ yet

Your knees on the ground

That’s how you behold me

 

And if you are a bettor

You’ll win this bet for sure

They took him to a doctor

And he said there is no cure

T-Rump said that when push comes to shove

So he fired those a threat

Another complete reset

And then his walnut brain cracked one more time

 

He said,

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet

M-m-m-maybe, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

Hey, Vindman, here’s something you’re never gonna forget

Fired! You know, you know, you just ain’t seen nothin’ yet

You need educatin’

Did you go to my school?

 

Any shove is good shovin’

On Pete Rose, he was dead set

The Hall of Fame, his best bet

And then, and then, and then

And his walnut brain cracked one more time

 

He said

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet

Maybe, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

I’m stumbling, I’m bumbling

Gordon Sondland, you’re never gonna forget, maybe

Maybe, maybe, maybe you ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet

Your knees on the ground

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet

That’s how you behold me

He said, you need to join my cult, follow my rule

We know we ain’t seen nothin’ yet

We know we ain’t seen nothin’ yet

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1110 & 1114

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-nxkqs-d2df2e

This week’s two T-Rump traxx include: Day 1110 — “T-Rumper” … The T-Rump’s henchmen sing it out, loud and clear … and Day 1114 — “Rip It Up” … The Nancypelosi, per usual, being her fabulous self. Enjoy. Sit back and sing those T-Rump blues away!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Rip It Up …

The crowd of dinosaurs gazed at the darkening sky overhead. There was a fabulous thunderhead cloud out of which flew an equally fabulous thunderbird. It was going to be one of those days. Such was the weather for the state of the dino union address from the leader of the free-running dino world, the Tyrumposaurus, freshly acquitted from his impeachment trial.

He stepped up to the Flat Rock Lectern, pausing first before the Nancypelosi who squatted one level higher behind the lectern. He handed her a paper-like sheet. It was the latest dino invention, happening quite accidentally when a dino had inadvertently stomped upon the pithy stem of a water plant. Voila, papyrus. Coupled with an ink-like substance from the darker end of the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir and the Dino Nation now had the words of the T-Rump to cry themselves to sleep with at night. Footprints in the sand had been much less grating.

The T-Rump handed his speech to the Nancypelosi. She extended her hand to shake his. He ignored it.

“Hang onto this,” he said. Better than anything you’ve ever come up with.” 

“Won’t you be needing it? It’s the only copy.”

“Hell, no. I’m just going to ramble on as I normally do. Straight from the gut.”

He turned to his captive audience of stumble-bums and sycophants.

“Vindicated! That’s me. You can’t convict what the Williambarr can protect. Just like the Muellersavus investigation. Total exoneration. I’m a free dino and watch me roar. We’ll see what the Hunterbiden was up to, just you wait. But first I have to throw the Mittromney under the Priebusunderbus. How dare he vote against me. What’s my world coming to?”

And so it went for the next 90 minutes. A vitriolic spew chastising every dino who had crossed his path in the past two weeks. There was a promise to look after sick dinos, something he’d neglected to do for three years. As he neared the end of his speech, he found religion. Not that it found him.

“And in closing I just want to say God bless me and the ground I walk on. Oh, I almost forgot. Any dino who prays for me is against me. That’s right. They’re fakes. Because I know what they’re praying about. Only I can answer their prayers. Because they don’t now what they’re praying for if they’re not praying for me. You got that, all you prayers out there?”

An ensemble nod from his dino cult. The Nancypelosi rose from her squat, holding the T-Rump’s speech. The Adamschiff raised a hand.

“Excuse me, T-Rump?”

“Yes?”

“Before you leave I wanted to say something.”

“To me?”

“No, to the dino behind you, the Nancypelosi?”

“Before I leave, huh? I heard what you said about me in the Sin Hut trial. You were trying to sound important. I don’t need that around here. I will let you speak because everyone here knows this day is all about me and nothing you can say will change that, you shifty-shift-shift Schiff.”

“Thank you.” 

The Adamschiff focused on the Nancypelosi. He smiled at her then looked overhead at the fabulous thunderbird reappearing out of the equally fabulous thunderhead. Thunder rang out and the Adamschiff sang.

 

I’ve been watching you for months, my lady

Thank you for his impeachment, my lady

T-Rump may think he’s outta reach, my lady

Just wrap your hands around his speech, my lady

 

Rip it up, I hate it

Rip it up, I hate it

 

He’s tryin’ to divide this town, my lady

You know he likes to double down, my lady

He talks about charity, my lady

Still nothin’ for you an’ me, my lady

 

Rip it up, we hate it

Rip it up, we hate it

Rip it up, we hate it

Rip it up, we hate it

 

Well, we gotta treat him like the clown he is

Cuz he thinks that everything is his

You’ve got tricks you ain’t never used

Give it, give it to him, he’s still the accused

 

We’ll get through this together, my lady

Impeachment is forever, my lady

T-Rump may think he’s outta reach, my lady

Just wrap your hands around his speech, my lady

 

Rip it up, I hate it

Rip it up, I hate it

Rip it up, I hate it

Rip it up, I hate it

 

Rip, rip

Rip, rip, rip

Rip it up, we hate it

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

T-Rumper …

The Grandoldparty Sin Hut dinos looked at one another in the Sin Hut Caper-Cave, a private setting off from the main chamber where they could grin their greasy grins at one another and count their lucky twinkling things in the sky that they had actually pulled it off. A “No” vote of 51-49 had barely carried the day to not allow dino witnesses or any evidence into the Sin Hit’s impeachment trial of their esteemed leader, the Tyrumposaurus. The Marcorubio raised a hand.

“What we accomplished today we can be very proud of. I managed to say with a straight face that even though they had the goods on the T-Rump and they met the level of impeachment, it just isn’t in the best interest of removing the T-Rump because we already have a divided Dino Nation, a division largely caused by the T-Rump himself.”

The other dinos in the cave looked at him blankly, unsure if every time he opened his mouth he wasn’t actually making things worse.

“Ahem,” said the Joniernst. “I don’t want to put too fine a point on it because every time I veer from the T-Rump calling his conversation with the Zelensky the ‘perfect call’ I run the risk of him ripping me to shreds. So I’ll just say that maybe what he did was wrong. Oops, too strong a word. Improper. Let’s go with improper — for him to be seeking dirt from a foreign dino for his own personal gain. And his penalty? Perhaps just a slap on the wrist. A little slap.”

She made like she was brushing a fly off her arm for emphasis. Not a big fly. A little one.

“You got that right, Joni,” said the Lamaralexander. “Improper. I like that. Not too brazen. An after thought almost. Like burping at the side of a carcass. There is no way it rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors. Who even knows what those are, anyway?”

Shrugs all around.

“Because we know the T-Rump would never do those things. Therefore, in the interest of all of us keeping our jobs in the Sin Hut, we must agree to never dig further, okay?”

Nods from every dino. The Lisamurkowski raised her hand.

“Um … I just want to point out that I’m all set to go out there and defend my decision to not have witnesses and evidence because this whole process set up by the Kongrus Kave was a disaster from the start. There was never a chance that we were going to have a fair trial in the Sin Hut. It was their fault. Only theirs. Is everyone okay with that?”

The other dinos puzzled.

“Well,” said the Lamaralexander, “we are the Sin Hut. That makes us superior. We don’t have to explain our actions to the lowly Kongrus Kave. Blame everything on them. Partisanship is all their fault.”

With that the Sin Hut dinos adjourned their tail wagging and exited the cave, right into the path of the Tyrumposaurus.

“Well, well, what are you doing for me now? What do you have to say that will be music to my ears? Anything. Hurry up. I need praise, glorification and gratification. Instant, you know. Be quick about it.” 

Fortunately they were. A Sin Hut dino always had to be ready for whatever bizarre mood the T-Rump thrust upon them. The Marcorubio held up his hand. The others watched as his tail twitched, then began slapping the ground, counting them all into an old Beatlemaniac’s number, a number they knew by heart.

 

Got a good reason for taking the easy way out

On his impeachment, I’m taking the easy way out now

I am a T-Rumper, a phony crony yeah

And it was so wrong to bow out, and I bowed out

 

I’m not uneasy, he told me to never care

I’m a bit sleazy, he told me to touch his hair now

I am a T-Rumper, a corrupt cohort yeah

And it was so wrong to sell out, and I sold out

 

Tried to please him, he only called me bad names

Lied to please him, he only picked me to blame now

I am a T-Rumper, a stumbling crumb-bum yeah

It took me so long to get in, and now I’m out

 

T-Rumper

T-Rumper, yeah

T-Rumper

T-Rumper, yeah

T-Rumper

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1103 & 1107

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-eg7nt-d1f49c

Classic rock to blow away the impeachment blues! This week’s two T-Rump tracks feature: Day 1103 — “Running on Empty” … The Patcippollone has little in the tank … and Day 1107 — “The Final Countdown” … Will the Sin Hut trial have a single witness? What in the dino world is going on?

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The Final Countdown …

A metaphorical meteor of monumental proportions hurtled out of control toward the Milkanhoney Preservation, home to millions of unsuspecting dinosaurs. That meteor was the resounding “No” vote cast by the Lamaralexander at the end of Day Nine of the Tyrumposaurus impeachment trial in the Sin Hut.

The vote on having dino witnesses loomed. If it failed, the vote to remove the T-Rump would quickly follow. Because that’s how the Moscow Mitch trudged. At stake, a stay-at-home dino’s place on the damn food chain. No one doubted the Moscow Mitch’s place atop said chain.

The Adamschiff had done his best to persuade the Sin Hut dinos that they needed to hear from dino witnesses for this to be a fair trial. Those in attendance would say the speeches he gave were the most powerful, moving words heard since the Obamarus. The Adamschiff’s passion, his eloquence and pin-point detail provided overwhelming evidence to the Ukraine Plain shake-down orchestrated by the T-Rump.

Yet it was the Patrickphilbin and the Jaysekulow, a pair of T-Rump legal dinos consistently couching their vapid, nonsensical responses in hypocrisy, lies and innuendo, thus providing woefully inadequate cover the groveling Grandoldparty Sin Hut dinos readily glommed upon like a pack of 50-ton Diplodocuses bringing home a dung beetle for supper. A swift closure to the shameful sham of a trial looked inevitable.

The Johnbolton never had a chance. He had first-hand knowledge of the incriminating information linking the battle campaign assistance the T-Rump offered to the Zelensky for damaging dirt on the Joebiden. But the Grandoldparty dinos did not want to hear from him. They would rather stare down at the ground, mumbling to themselves than stumble into the truth. Had the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir become the Moscovian Bluffs?

With the flip of the tail from the Lamaralexander, the vote on the presentation of evidence was now on the shakiest of ground. This may well be the last chance to right this wrong. To save truth, justice and the dinosaur dream. Oh sure, the Mittromney and the Susancollins would come through. But what about the Lisamurkowski? The Lisamurkowski. The word ricocheted off the walls of the brains of millions of dinos laying awake in their caves staring helplessly at their dripping ceilings.

This was the first impeachment trial in 15 previous occasions where no evidence, not one dino toe-nail had been presented. It would set an unthinkable dino precedent. The four dozen-or-so Grandoldparty dinos seemed ready to gamble their legacies that not having witnesses in a trial was a good thing if that meant keeping the T-Rump in power. They would live to fight another day. The question was, what would this new dino world look like?

Would it be a world where the T-Rump did as he pleased because he only had to — as the Alandershowitz had argued — tell the Dino Nation that whatever nefarious deed the T-Rump was plotting, he was just seeking to remain their leader and, after all, that was obviously in their best interest. Because he said so.

Once the dinos laying awake with their dripping ceilings managed to shake the Lisamurkowski from their minds, they only found themselves in more shock. Where was rhyme, reason and logic? How had so many Sin Hut dinos come down with an acute case of Cracked Walnuts? Dino society was cracking alright. Morals. Scruples. Ethics. These were words the hardiest of dinos had finally grasped, only to see them now on the verge of  disappearing from the dino’s limited lexicon, given this unfathomable turn of events.

Doomed. Doomed dinos they were. Was this it? Was the fat lady dino singing already? If you listened closely, it sure sounded like it.

 

We’re crying together

T-Rump is not well

And the Sin Hut is stacked

To take us to hell

 

There are so many to blame

Cray-cray profound

Will things ever be the same again?

 

It’s the final countdown

The final countdown

 

He’s the stable genius

A public cabal

No witness has seen us

They’re hiding them all

Our subpoenas have years to go

With more sand to pound

Liberty, we’ll all miss her so

 

It’s the final countdown

The final countdown

The final countdown

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Running on Empty …

“Well, well, chief justice dino,” said the Patcippollone, “we meet again.”

“According to the schedule.”

“Right, right. Heh-heh. Just killing some time. Chief justice, dino members of that other ilk, we spoke with you for just two hours on the weekend because we know you all have much more important things to do than preserving the Milkanhoney Preservation as we know it. We didn’t of course want to rain on any parades. And, oh yes, I bring further good news. Today may be just as brief. Okay, much briefer.”

He wiped his brow nervously.

“Without any further adieu, hold onto your tails because we are going to blow apart, that’s right, blow apart, the Donkeykongrus’ weak case on not one but two fronts. Burden sharing and Ukraine Plain corruption. I know, shocking, isn’t it?”

He pointed to the Donkeykongrus legal dinos.

“Look at them quaking there where they squat. Burden sharing. They flinched. Did you see that? The T-Rump was not going to help the Ukraine Plain unless other dino nations jumped in to help too. What? The T-Rump lead the way on compassion? I don’t think so. Never mind that the T-Rump didn’t give two hoots about corruption in the Ukraine Plain until two nanoseconds after the Joebiden entered the battle campaign. Uh, moving right along. Ukraine Plain corruption. Stop me if you’re heard this before.”

He paused.

“I don’t see anyone stopping me. Okay, well, uh … you see, it’s like this. You’re going to have to give us a mulligan on this one, okay? Please? We really don’t want to have to call a witness like the Joebiden to rake him over the coals because then we would have to let them call the Mickmulvaney or the Johnbolton or the Mikepompeo and no, no, no, no, no … we abso-positively cannot have that. So, you’re just going to have to take our word for it on this one. Now then, where was I?”

“Burden sharing and Ukraine Plain corruption,” said the chief justice.

“Right. Well, then. That’s, uh … that’s it.”

He looked over to the Jaysekulow, who shrugged.

“I got nothin’.”

“What do you mean you have nothing? I just started. We have 22 hours to fill.”

“Look, Pat. I reconsidered what I was going to say and realized that if I get up and say half of these things, I may never work in these swamp waters again. I need these swamp waters.”

“Oh.”

“And Pat?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s be real. I only had about 10 or 15 good minutes anyway. Y’know?”

“Oh, okay. Sure.”

A big thumbs up and a wink from the Jaysekulow.

“Go, get em. Lead the way, Pat. We’re counting on you, bud.”

The Patcippollone gulped. A serious case of flop sweat consumed him. Okay, okay. I got this, he thought. Never let them see you sweat except I am standing in a freaking puddle. He made a split second decision that would go down in dino impeachment history. Ho-hum, so many moments already had. The T-Rump’s lead legal dino nodded off-stage to the Jacksonbrownean dino aides assembled there. He turned back to the presiding Johnroberts.

“Okay, chief justice. More to the point, obviously a little more detail is necessary here — not that we need more evidence, just a talking point or two, but allow me to, ahem, fill more of this oh-so valuable time that’s been allotted to us for our all-important impeachment defense. Oh, what the hey, hit it, boys!” 

 

Lookin’ out at the crowd hushed up by appeals

Lookin’ back at the fear we caused from so many cooked-up deals

In sixty-five I wasn’t born yet, so I was, uh … minus one 

I don’t know where I’m goin’ now, I’m just runnin’ on

 

Runnin’ on — runnin’ on empty

Runnin’ on — runnin’ blind

Runnin’ — I’ve just begun — but have nothin’ in mind

 

Gotta do what I can just to keep T-Rump alive

Tryin’ not to just lose it, is it too soon to take five?

In sixty-nine I was only three and I once chewed on this bone

I don’t know when that bone turned into the bone I’m on

 

Runnin’ on – runnin’ on empty

Runnin’ on – runnin’ blind

Runnin’ — comin’ undone — and with nothin’ in mind 

 

Every law I know, every court you go

Some may need impeachment to believe

I don’t know about anything but see

If I can incite, not sound too contrite 

If I can get T-Rump’s tweet before I leave

 

Lookin’ out at the crowd, can’t help but hear their squeals

I don’t know to tell you but it’s a wound that never heels

I look around for Sekulow because he used to pull me through

Lookin’ into his eyes, I see him runnin’ too

 

Runnin’ on – runnin’ on empty

Runnin’ on – runnin’ blind

Runnin’ on, almost done, I have nothin’ in mind

 

Funny that T-Rump sent me

He knows they have us in a bind

I’d love to stick-it-to’em, but I’m runnin’ on blind 

You know I don’t even know what we’re hopin’ to find

Runnin’ on — and I’m done! We had nothin’ in mind

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!