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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Undercover for the Rogerstone …

The Donkeykongrus debate had gone off the rails the night before with the skinny Elizabethwarren raking punishing, non-stop body blows upon the smaller Michaelbloomberg. Then there was the Buddhajudge and Amyklobuchar trading snappy, in your face one-two punches, rocking each other to and fro. But it was the 40-month sentence handed down by the dino judge, the Amybermanjackston to the Tyrumposaurus confidante and con-artist, the Rogerstone, that turned heads and served notice to all in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir.

The T-Rump was as usual stomping mad. He stormed around the Oval Dwelling in front of his squatting sycophants, turning to his number-one henchman, the attorney dino general, the Williambarr.

“What the hell was that?! I thought you had things under control!”

“I – I can’t exactly tell the judge what to say.”

“Then what good are you to me? Huh?”

The T-Rump’s glare weighed upon him. The Williambarr again seriously considered quitting. But was this the truth or the party line? Reigning supreme over the DOJ to chaperone every T-Rump whimsy was surely ulcer-bound. The Mickmulvaney sensed this and thankfully intervened.

“He’s doing the best he can, T-Rump. I really think he is. Uh, hopefully, I mean.”

“What about that dino juror? She was totally tainted! Roger’s got a very good chance of exoneration. Doesn’t he, William?”

“Do you want me to lie to you?”

The Willliambarr winced. This false sense of bravado must be a byproduct of his inching toward quitting. Maybe he was serious. Maybe he was having a stroke.

“What did you say?” asked the T-Rump.

“Sorry, a feeble attempt at humor.”

“Not feeble. Weak. Very weak. I have an idea however to get to the bottom of this Rogerstone thing. Julian, the Julianassange.”

The Stephenmillerus cocked a sinister eye.

“Isn’t he kind of, uh … off limits right now? The Mediacircustops caught wind that we offered him a pardon if he would testify that the Russodino interference was a hoax.”

“Nobody is ever off limits to me. Remember that. Maybe ol’ Julianassange is going to get that pardon after all. But he’ll have to earn it. Here’s what I want.”

And so the plan was hatched. Dino news travels fast. Especially news that’s dastardly and despicable. The following morning, the dino guard at the Solitary Sinkhole at Thamesmead Belmarsh, where the Julianassange was holed up, informed him that the Wikileakibeak-disgraced dino would be going undercover for the Rogerstone

The Julianassange was positively giddy. He looked to the skies, raised his arms in sweet joy and danced a little jig. He had to dance on the spot however. It was after all a Solitary Sinkhole. But his voice rang out to nearby prisoners and faraway innocents alike …

 

Well, I’m a bombshell springer

I’m a big right-winger

And I’m loathed everywhere I go 

I stole messy secrets and I stole pressing truths

About a thousand leaks, y’know

I had all kinds of bills for Ecuadorian thrills 

But the thrill I’ve never known

Is the thrill when crap’s flowin’, when I’m set to goin’

Undercover for the Rogerstone

Rogerstone … Wanna see me go undercover?

Stone … “He’s so damn sloppy,” said his mother … Yeah!

“Why’s my son a disgrace?” 

Undercover for the Rogerstone

 

He’s got a freaky ole lady name a Naughty Nikki

Who’s emboldened, yes, it seems

He’s a dirty shyster … oh, so tricky

The two make quite a team

Now seven years is a lot of time

To go without your mind bein’ blown

But the blow I’m knowin’ is I’m set to goin’

Undercover for the Rogerstone

 

Rogerstone … Wanna see me go undercover? 

Stone … “He’s so damn sloppy,” said his mother 

“Why’s my son a disgrace?”

Undercover for the Rogerstone

 

Watch T-Rump roll!

 

I got a lot of little extradition matters

T-Rump said would go away

I’m like a genu-wine Indian Guru

With not really much to say

I’ve got no friends but I’ll never ask why

To T-Rump, I’m a welcome bone

And now he’s all crowin’ that I’m set to goin’

Undercover for the Rogerstone

 

Rogerstone … Wanna see me go undercover?

Stone … “He’s so damn sloppy,” said his mother 

“Why’s my son a disgrace?”

Undercover for the Rogerstone

Undercover of the Roger

Wanna see me go undercover?

 

Stone … “He’s so damn sloppy,” said his mother

Wanna see me go undercover?

Undercover for the Rogerstone

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

You Don’t Bring Us Justice …

The Williambarr rose from his afternoon constitutional squat, scratched his backside against the tree he was hiding behind, pawed the ground and waddled back into his cave. He was startled to find a pair of dinos sitting there waiting for him.

“The Chuckschumer and the Nancypelosi? To what do I owe this unfortunate embarrassment? Our paths were not destined to cross before your damn committee meeting in what, six weeks?”

“We felt it couldn’t wait, William,” said Nancy. “We see what’s happening.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Tell him, Chuck.”

“We caught you red-handed taking actions that attorney dino generals in the past have always steered clear of. You weighed in on the sentencing guidelines of the Rogerstone. You’re launching an investigation into a battle campaign that’s four years old, debunked, de-authorized and decidedly dumb. And you’re still going after the Hunterbiden from his time in the Ukraine Plain.”

“Are you done?” asked the yawning Williambarr. The Chuckschumer looked over to the Nancypelosi who readily took center stage.

“And, lest we forget, your treatment of the Michaelcohen has been very suspect. What are you doing — if anything — with the Rudygiuliani? He can’t keep his paws clean for 24 hours. And we are extremely worried with what you’re doing with the Flynnhasbeen situation. Would you care to enlighten us on the latest?”

“I’m just doing my job, dammit. Now get OUT of my home before I charge you with contempt of my courtyard, my garden and my compost heap.”

“You don’t compost,” sneered the Nancypelosi. “You keep all your garbage hidden away from prying eyes. That story you gave about being upset about the Tyrumposaurus’ Trollertweeties interfering with your daily work is laughable. Maybe you can cover your compost heap with that. See you next month. And if we have to send Subpoenasaurus number 72 after you, we will.”

The two Donkeykongrus leaders exited the attorney dino general’s cave just as an older dino arrived at the entrance. The Nancypelosi recognized him instantly.

“The Neildiamondsaurus? What are you doing here?”

“Well, uh … you know, I don’t do much touring any more. But I still love to sing. So I’m doing some singing telegrams on the side.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” said the Williambarr. “And who sent you?” 

“Oh, that would be the Geoffreyberman, the dino leader at the Southern District of Manhatinhand?”

“I’m well aware of who he is. I, um, find it rather strange that he’d be doing this. We’re not exactly on the best of speaking terms. But you’re here, so … go ahead.”

A cool breeze filtered through the underbrush outside the Williambarr’s quaint, suburban cave. Leaves rustled lightly, the Neildiamondsaurus licked his lips and began.

 

You don’t bring us justice

You don’t keep the law strong

You hardly talk to us anymore

You broke the oath you swore

A thousand say you stray

 

We remember when

There was truth and honesty

Our trust we gave for free

 

Now after watchin’ you be so tight

With all things T-Rump

And your saying what’s right

We won’t just roll over

We will stand and fight

‘Cuz you don’t bring us justice anymore

 

It used to be so factual

The who and what together

But evidence doesn’t count any more

It just lays on the floor

Til you sweep it away

 

And today, we remember

All the shame you brought us

We learned of each crime

And we learned how and why

While you learned how to shove

And you learned how to lie

 

So you’d think you would learn

It’s time to say goodbye

‘Cause you don’t bring us justice

Anymore

 

Well, you’d think you would learn

How to tell us goodbye

No, don’t say T-Rump now

You don’t keep the law strong

You don’t bring us justice

Anymore

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!