Tag: Politics

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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Get Back …

It was a long march, but a happy march. A long line of dinos heading for the always pretty, never-less-than sun-baked beaches of the nirvana-inducing Neverglades. The trip was not only an annual pilgrimage, but a guilty privilege for many of the Sheepsheadsbayrae, the Flushingqueenserae, the Throgsneckerae, and so many more dinos making their way south from the cold, shivering Big Apple Orchard to the distant north. The chilly climes thawed in their memories with each ground-shaking step.

“Stop right there!”

The plodding dinos came to a halt, looking up at the grim-faced dino before them. They recognized him immediately as one of the T-Rump’s most devout, foot-licking sycophants, the Neverglades governing dino, the Rondesantis. A leather-lunged Bedfordstyerus in the large dino pack stepped forward. His pint-sized stature pointed to the predominant Joepescirus family species in his lineage.

“Hey, what’s da hold-up? I gotta date wit’ da beach!”

“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen,” said the governor.

“Why? Did ya move it? Hah!” the Bedfordstyerus turned to his pals. “Da Desantis here is playin’ hide’n seek wit’ da beach”

The Big Apple Orchard dinos chuckled heartily.

“Ahem. I’m afraid this is no laughing matter.”

“Oh, so we’s can’t laugh now, is dat it? Who died and made you king dino?”

“Well, if you must know, I just spoke with the T-Rump yesterday.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell us how dat went. Just one t’ing, dough. How do dem feet taste? Huh?”

The Bedfordstyerus spit on the ground before the Rondesantis.

“Like dat? … Is dat how dey taste?”

“Actually I, uh … I don’t lick his feet any more.”

“Oh ya don’t, do ya? And why’s dat?”

The Rondesantis was too embarrassed to admit he’d graduated among the T-Rump’s cronies to become an A-List tail-licker. Because without the T-Rump’s backing, the Rondesantis would be just another dodgy dino wary of the incoming tide at Miami Reach.

“Uh, that’s not why I’m here. I am here to let you know that you are no longer, ahem … welcome in these parts.”

“Whaddaya mean not welcome? We been trekkin’ down to da beach here fuh years.”

“Well, that was all fine and dandy … once upon a time. But things are different now.”

The Bedfordstyerus turns to his buddies.

“Dude says t’ings are different. I don’t know. T’ings look da same to me. How ‘bout you?”

Nods all around. Which brought all eyes back upon the Rondesantis. The Bedfordstyerus frowned at him.

“C’mon, spit it out. What exactly is it you’re tryin’ to tell us?”

The Rondesantis found the gumption to stick out his jaw and say …

“Well, I’d like you to … I’d like you to … get back.”

“Hah! Get back? You’s funny like a clown. Whatta maroon! Fuhgeddabout it!”

But the Desantis stood his ground, stomped his feet to some far-off beat and delivered his full-throated message.

 

Cuomo is a thin skin, caught him as a moaner

Cuz he hoped this wouldn’t last

Cuomo said you could go south from the Corona

For the Neverglades en masse

 

Get back, get back

Get back, we need our short arms strong

Get back, get back

Get back to join your Brooklyn throng

Get back, Cuomo!

 

Go home

Get back, get back

Get back, we need our short arms strong

Get back, get back

Back to join your Brooklyn throng

Get back, Yo!

 

Sweet Letitia James thought she could nab T-Rump

But then really, no one can

All the dinos round here knows he will be comin’

He’s the only one who can

 

Oh, get back, get back

Get back, we need our short arms strong

Get back, get back

Get back, to join your Brooklyn throng

Get back, Letitia!

 

Go home

Oh, get back, get back

Get back, we need our short arms strong

Get back, get back

Get back to join your Brooklyn throng

 

Get back

Woo …

 

“Thanks, Yo. I’d like to say thank you on behalf of the Neverglades and remind you that you’re 900 miles from home. See ya!”

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1159 & 1163

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-mjb8y-d77f3a

This week’s two T-Rump traxx take us through: Day 1159 — “Spittin’ In The Pool” … The Randpaul plays by a different set of dino rules … and Day 1163 — “Ain’t No Lockdown” … The Coronavirus may be closing in but it’s business as usual for Tatereeves and the good folks of Ole-Muddy-Miss. Enjoy and if the spirit moves you, sing along!

A tip of the tail to Dire Straits and ELO!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Ain’t No Lockdown …

A fuming Peternavarro, the Oval Dwelling’s Wheelin’-Dealin’ Adviser stormed into the private cave for Grandoldparty faithful. The old dino’s club, where the Rondesantis of the Neverglades, the Danielpatrick from Tinstar-Texas and the Tatereeves from Ole-Miss-Muddy squatted, dragged tails and swapped stories from another Coronavirus kind of day. 

“What’s nippin’ at your tail now, Peter?” asked the Rondesantis.

“That damn Briannakeilar. Told me I was wasting her time. Wasting her time, she said!”

“Well, what did you tell her?”

“I told her not to sensationalize this whole Coronavirus thing. She’s blowing it w-a-a-a-y out of proportion. You’d think dinos were dying all over the place.”

“Check.”

“And how the T-Rump was the first dino to put the kabash on the Chopstickchowmein tryin’ to migrate over here. That’s what he did. The first big Be-All, End-All step. Huge move.”

“Yep.”

“And how the Obamarus left us with nothin’, absolutely nothin’ to work with. We threw all their dinos and ideas out because they weren’t any good and that’s what we’re left with. Nothin’. Because of them. Four years ago. It’s – it’s a lingering disaster.”

The Rondesantis smirked.

“Okay, well then. Those are all great talking points straight from the top. You did good, Peter. Don’t worry about it. I certainly don’t. I could’ve shut down my Spring Break beaches days earlier but I left that for other dinos to decide. I don’t need the hassle. Just you wait for me to point the finger though. … Say, did you hear that one young dino who said, “If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I’m not gonna let it stop me from partying.” I like that attitude. But then he had to go and apologize. He didn’t even get Corona. What is up with that?”

“That’s what I keep saying,” said the Danielpatrick. “Look at me, I’m old and I’m just simply not gonna live in fear. No sirree. Like I was tellin’ the Tuckercarlson the other day. I said, you know, Tucker, no one reached out to me and said as a senior dino, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the Milkanhoney Preservation — that all Milkanhoney Preservation loves — for your little dinos and their little dinos and so on? And if that’s the exchange, then I’m all in.”

“That’s impressive, Dan,” said the Rondesanto. “You’re really takin’ one for the team there. Kinda takes you off the team, but you’ve had a pretty good dino life, right? What do you think about that, Tate?”

The Tatereeves got to his feet and began rocking sideways, thumping his big dino feet and snapping his tail against the cave wall.

 

You got our biz-ness fallin’ w-a-a-a-y behind

You got me thinkin’ ‘bout T-Rump’s crazy mind

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no 

I’ll tell you once more, stayin’ home’s just a bore

Ain’t no lockdown

 

You wanna stay out with your fancy friends

I’m tellin’ you — maybe — it’s not the end

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no 

I’ll tell you once more, we gotta get off the floor!

Ain’t no lockdown

 

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

 

What happens now to everyone you know?

They are dust in the wind, ready to blow

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no, 

I’ll tell you once more, it’s just a little cold sore

Ain’t no lockdown

 

You’re always talkin’ ‘bout your sleepless nights

One of these days, I’ll see ya get last rites

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no 

I’ll tell you once more, we gotta open the door!

Ain’t no lockdown

 

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

Ain’t no lockdown

 

You’re lookin’ good, I’m sure this virus will pass

One of these days, you gotta move your ass

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no no no no 

I’ll ask you once more, what are we waitin’ for?!

Ain’t no lockdown

 

You got me waitin’, should be makin’ some hay

You got me givin’ the ‘all clear,’ today!

Ain’t no lockdown, no no no no no 

I’ll ask you once more, who wants a dangerous chore?

Ain’t no lockdown, down, down, down, down, down

 

I’ll tell you once more, we gotta win this here war!

Ain’t no lockdown

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Spittin’ in the Pool …

The Randpaul from Kentucky-Muckity-Muck sat in the corner of the Sin Hut private pool by himself. He was a small-framed dino suffering from ADD — Agitating Dino Disorder. Reclining in the fart-controlled swamp waters, he took in the other Sin Hut dinos twenty feet distant on the periphery. They were all soaking their tired, aching bones after spending another long day arguing about how many moolah-moolah leaves to make available for the big and the little dinos during this Coronavirus outbreak that was ravaging the land.

The lagoon was supposed to be closed because of the virus but nobody tells a Sin Hut dino what to do without getting their head bitten off. The tepid swamp waters felt good and the Randpaul forgot to grimace as he normally did whenever he recalled The Incident. Two and a half years ago, he’d complained about his neighbour eating his grass and was promptly, viciously attacked. The Randpaul would turn a deaf ear to those who claimed the brawl came about because of his toxic combo of Agitated Dino Disorder and snarky repartee.  

He sniffed, then noticed two Utah-Whut-Utah Sin Hut dinos, the Mittromney and the Mikelee making their way down the path toward him. He waved and the two dinos came over, plopping down into the water beside him. The Mittromney grinned magnanimously at him. Because that’s how the Utah-What-Utah dino always grinned.

“Nobody sittin’ with you again, Rand?”

“I’m not surprised. They’ve all got their own damn issues. Nobody wants to listen to my ideas because I’m thinking outside the box.”

The Mikelee piped up.

“Rand, nobody cares about the Afghanistan-Banana-Stand these days. It’s Corona, Corona, Corona. We’ve got mouths to feed. These are dire straits.”

“I suppose.”

The Randpaul’s sigh was followed by a small tickle in the back of his throat. On dino instinct, he inhaled deeply, a long, throaty mucus intake. He then hocked a long loogie, letting it fly. Except the Randpaul was a loogie-hocking rookie. Said loogie did not travel very far, landing dangerously close to the Mittromney’s tail. 

“Excuse me, did you just spit in the pool?”

The Randpaul jumped to his feet.

 

I was goin’ to Kentucky though

It was some shindig, big dino show 

Met the mayor’s wife, y’ know

My fever? Never did see it show 

Yeah … gonna kinda cheat

Dance … to the dino beat

Yeah … didja see me drool?

Spittin’ in the, spittin’ in the

In the pool

I’m spittin’ in the pool

I’m spittin’ in the pool

Spittin’ in the pool

Sitting in the deep end now

Hope, hope, hopin’ I’m not positive

You wanna hear a story? My neighbour went pow!

Broke six ribs, a helluva blow

Yeah … gonna kinda cheat

Dance … to the dino beat

Yeah … didja see me drool?

Spittin’ in the …

In the pool

Spittin’ in the pool

Spittin’ in the pool

Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool

And about this stimulation

Needing moolah for our nation

As a former doctor, here’s my outreach

I don’t practice what I preach

So one, a two

A one, a two, a three

Ptooey!

I’m just spittin’ in the pool

I’m a spittin’ fool

You got me spittin’ in the pool

Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool

M-m-m, I love a good dispute

I’m such a skinny brute

And then maybe, in my dreams

I will take the time to quarantine

Yeah … gonna kinda cheat

Dance  … to the dino beat

Oh, yeah … didja see me drool?

Spittin’ in the, I’m just spittin’ in the

Oh, in the pool, spittin’ in the pool

I’m a spittin’ fool, just spittin’, yeah, spittin’

Spittin’ in the pool

Everybody watch me just spit, spit

I’m a spittin’ fool

You got me spittin’ in the pool

Oh, spittin’, spittin’ IN the pool

Spittin’ … I’m a spittin’ fool

You got me spittin’ in the pool

Oh, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool

Now, everybody got to watch me spittin’

I’m a spittin’ fool

You got me spittin’ in the pool

Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ IN the pool

Water’s fine, Mitch!

I’m gonna spit up, spittin’ in the pool

I’m a spittin’ fool, just spittin’

Woah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1152 & 1156

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-i3wvp-d6d236

A new weekend and two new T-Rump Traxx. We venture into Day 1152 — “Free Fallin'” … where the Coronavirus has the Dino Nation’s Sawbonesaurus, the Jeromeadams, wondering if he’s the right dino doc for the job. … Then on Day 1156 — “Stayin’ Home,” a well meaning dino couple are suddenly faced with the prospect of spending some serious Cave Time together.

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Stayin’ Home …

It was a three-day trek that came off as more of a scamper. The Davidbelisaurus and the Mariabelisaurus scampered north from Cactazona through Keno-Reno, Utah-whut-utah, Idaholindaspud and Hannah-Montana to finally arrive home where the Albertasaurae roam and the deer and the antelope are basically nervous wrecks.

These were dangerous times. Being a dinosaur had its drawbacks. There was always a hungry Stegosaurus around the next corner looking for some fast food take-out-your-tonsils. Add to that a new invisible enemy, a silent killer … the Coronavirus. Some dino had munched on some bad grub and dinos worldwide were now paying the price.

The Trudeausaurus had instructed the Davidbelisaurus and his mate to stay in their cave for 14 days. The dino rationale was simple. If the virus couldn’t find you, you wouldn’t get sick. Dinosaur health care had come a long way.

“14 days?” said his wife. “What are we going to do? Can I go see my mother?”

“‘Fraid not. It’s too dangerous.”

They heard voices down the path by the Spring Break Lagoon. Voices, laughter and uproarious merriment. Those damn teenage dinos, oblivious to potentially catching the virus. 

“Hey,” said Maria, “Who do they think they are?”

“They’re going to be the death of us all. Young, dumb and about as invincible as the lunch menu.”

Maria turned to him with concern in her eyes.

“Tell me again that we’re doing the right thing.”

“Sweetheart, you know we’re doing what must be done.”

“I know. I just needed to hear your voice. We’re going to be staring at these walls for awhile. Look,” she said, pointing to the cave wall before them. “The previous tenants weren’t even civilized enough to write anything on them.”

Her husband stepped forward and patted the wall for good measure.

“That will come in good time. Maybe in a million years or so. Then, perhaps there’ll be some other walnut brain to come along and lead civilization to a better place.”

“You mean like the T-Rump? I pray it doesn’t get this bad ever again.”

They fell silent, contemplating their current plight. David wrapped his short arm around his wife. He nuzzled her ear.

“Cheer up. I’ll sing you a song.”

“I don’t know. You’re always singing about the T-Rump. The T-Rump this, the T-Rump that. You know it triggers my menopause.”

“Just doing my best to fight his overwhelming penchant for revisionist history. Somebody has to get the dino story straight.”

“I know, dear.

They looked into each other’s eyes. His gaze told her he’d temper his words as best he could. And he sang …

 

I’m weary of all the headlines 

As I self isolate

I’m stayin’ in the only place

Where feelin’ good never was right wing

And this virus, we gotta break the chain 

 

Well, I’m stayin’ home

Safe in the place where I belong

And where the laughter has always been free

I’m not some crumb-bum

I’m right inside, outside is wrong

I don’t regret these four walls ‘round me

Cuz this place is, your face is solid gold

So I’m stayin’ home

Well, I’m stayin’ home

 

The lies are gettin’ longer, it seems

Corona’s not the flu

And T-Rump can’t tell us what we need to do

So who can we turn to?

And I don’t want to die

But we’re forever on stand by

 

So I’m stayin’ home

Safe in the place where I belong

And where the laughter has always been free

I’m not some crumb-bum

I’m right inside, outside is wrong

I don’t regret these four walls ‘round me

Cuz this place is, your face is solid gold

 

Don’t you dare go out that door!

Cuz you’re headed for a fall

You’re headed for a fall

It’s no time for some jaunt

Don’t you dare go out that door!

Cuz you’re headed for a fall

You’re headed for a fall

 

Oh, well I’m stayin’ home

Safe in the place where I belong

And where the laughter has always been free

I’m not some crumb-bum

I’m right inside, outside is wrong

I don’t regret these four walls ‘round me

Cuz this place is, your face is solid gold

I said this place is, your face is solid gold

So I’m stayin’ home

I’m stayin’ home

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy. Sing along!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Free Fallin’ …

It was late at night in the Milkanhoney Preservation and many dinos were having trouble falling asleep. None more so than the Dino Nation’s chief Sawbonesaurus, the Jeromeadams. He lay awake in his nest lined with moolah-moolah leaves, not as many as the Tyrumposaurus’ appointed sycophants, mind you. He’d have to see about improving that score. But it was a nagging feeling he couldn’t escape. A feeling he used to have if and when he did something even slightly wrong. Guilt. That’s what it was. It had been so long. 

He stared at the wet spot on the cave ceiling above him, wishing the dino above would at least go outside to pee. His thoughts trailed back to earlier that day and another last-minute, panic-or-bust briefing with the Mediacircustops …

The T-Rump stood at the lectern and the Jimsciutto took aim with a deadly question.

“T-Rump, do you put any blame upon yourself for being weeks behind in testing dinosaurs for the Coronavirus?”

“What is it with all these nasty questions? Very nasty. Of course I don’t put any blame on myself for what has happened. And before you recall what I said yesterday or a week ago, yes, once upon a time I said that only I can save Dino Nation. And I am not going to blame myself if I don’t. Again, only I can save us and if I don’t, it’s not my fault. How many times do I have to say it?”

The Jimsciutto did a double-take.

“T-Rump, you’re just not making any sense.”

The Jeromeadams couldn’t take it any longer. Time for a raise. He sprang into action, tapping the T-Rump on the shoulder and sliding in front of him to the flat rock lectern. He glared at the Jimsciutto and the rest of the scrum.

“How dare you question the T-Rump. Why, he’s the only reason I’m standing here before you right now. We’re doing everything we can. Like the T-Rump once said, so famously, what you’re seeing and reading is not what’s happening. There’s no crying over coughs and sneezes. We’re dinosaurs, dammit. So, no more bickering, no more criticism or finger-pointing. I really want to crack down on the finger-pointing.”

The Jimscuitto’s face scrunched into confusion.

“You’re kidding, right? We are Mediacircustops. It’s our nature. It’s in our blood. Without us, you guys would have free reign, trampling over everything. Who is going to hold you guys accountable?”

The Jeromeadams was suddenly outside of dino doc waters.

“Uh, well. Maybe you could just focus on getting the word out on all the help we are going to unleash on the dino communities to help save them.”

“I’m sorry. Did you say unleash?”

And it was all downhill from there.

The Jeromeadams blinked at the ceiling. Good gawd. Was it leaking? His thoughts turned from urine to the other situation at hand. The T-Rump’s non-answers, the bravado and finally, he himself stepping in front to tell the Mediacircustops to knock it off. The guilt was piling up. Bluster being mustered. Like molten lava, bubbling to the surface, ready to erupt. Guilt could only be kept down for so long. He had to get it out. In the quiet recesses of his solitude and now quite dank cave, he got it all off his chest with bedside words and sing-song notes.

 

He’s a crude guy, shoves his mama

Shoves Jesus and our nation too

He’s a crude guy, he’s crazy an’ selfish

Loves divorces and his moolah too

And it’s the wrong day to live or reside here 

There’s corona runnin’ fast and hard

And he’s a bad guy, a failed amateur

He’s a bad guy diggin’ our graveyard

Now we’re free

Free fallin’

Yeah, we’re free

Free fallin’

Now all the swamp liars talkin’ through his rally

They have trouble readin’ a flash card

And all the good news is still stuck in the shadows

And the bad news has us comin’ apart

Now we’re free

We’re free fallin’

Yeah, we’re free

Free fallin’

Free fallin’, now we’re free fallin’, no we’re

Free fallin’, now we’re free fallin’, now

I wanna slide on over to Holland

I wanna find out their testin’ style

How they can make somethin’ from nothin’

While T-Rump’s so damn juvenile

Now we’re free

Free fallin’

Yeah, we’re free

Free fallin’

Now we’re free

Free fallin’

Oh

Free fallin’

Now we’re free

Oh, free fallin’

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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The Trumpassic Period — Year Three!

Another year. Another near-apocalypse.

OMG. It’s … The Trumpassic Period — Year Three.

These are the times Dino Nation finds itself in yet again, striving to survive the wild, walnut-brained ways of the Tyrumposaurus and his merry, misinformed lot of dino sycophants.

The Williambarr and the Moscowmitch have the T-Rump’s back as the Nancypelosi, the Chuckschumer and the rest of the Donkeykongrus dinos can only sit back and watch as the T-Rump continues running roughshod through the norms, the decencies, the very soul of the Milkanhoney Preservation.

The Trumpassic Period — Year Three doesn’t miss a dino footprint. Two tales per week add up to 104 encompassing views of the T-Rump’s third year at the helm of helpless dinos everywhere, cowering in their caves.

This 401-page chronology of T-Rump’s raucous, one — only one! — impeachment reign is now available on Amazon for $2.99. Download today!

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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Hard to Say I’m Sorry …

The Coronavirus had come to Dino Nation. Big time. Schools were closing, long-haul dino migration was frowned upon and major events were being canceled, such as March Madness — the tournament where dinos took a round rock to the hole. Any hole.

The Tyrumposaurus, the Mincepencenow and the few dinos who knew little or nothing about dino sneezes and coughs stood before the hastily called scrum of Mediacircustops. The Andersoncooper raised a short arm.

“T-Rump, you’ve been exposed to several dinosaurs who tested positive for the Coronavirus — including that Neverglades ne’er-do-well, the Mattgaetz. You and the Mincepencenow are the most important dinos in the land. Why in the world is it that you two haven’t been tested?”

The T-Rump grinned back his smug Cheezbuggabugga grin.

“I know I’m supposed to stand up here and say the right things to unite Dino Nation in the face of this national disaster, but you know I’m a real germaphobe. I don’t want to have anything to do with this virus. Including testing. I don’t even like saying the word.”

“Could it be that you’re dodging my question because you and the Mincepencenow have actually been tested, you both proved positive for the virus … but you don’t want that to get out so you’re sticking with the no-we-haven’t-been-tested message.”

The Mincepencenow’s expression changed to surprise for a brief second as if the Andersoncooper had exposed their ruse. The second dino in command shot a nervous glance to his leader whose eyes now narrowed at the scrum.

“No, you couldn’t be further from the truth. Fake news.”

“You’re the top two dinos in the land. Of course you’ve been tested. If they came back negative you’d be shouting it from the mountaintops.”

“Excuse me,” said the T-Rump, looking for the exit. “I’ve got to see a dino about a Horseysaurus. For my next parade.”

“You haven’t had one yet.”

But the T-Rump had already disappeared. Down a path, around a corner, through the brush and into an open clearing popular with dinos looking to score a cheap-but-meaty deal, the Walmart Parkland. The T-Rump however, wasn’t looking for a deal. He was looking for a certain dino and he spotted him immediately. The Mattgaetz.

The Neverglades nincompoop was on his knees, holding his head in his hands, weeping, wiping his dinosaur tears away, then weeping some more. It was a woefully pathetic sight. The T-Rump approached, standing over him.

“And don’t expect any sympathy from me. I’m probably going to die now — all because of you. After I’ve done s-o-o-o-o much for Dino Nation, ten times more than the Obamarus, to be knocked down in my prime, just before I was going to take this whole thing to the next level and make some real moolah-moolah leaves.”

“T-Rump, I — I don’t know where to begin. I can’t believe this happened. One minute I’m mocking this thing and the next … I — I’ve given you a death sentence.”

“Thanks for putting a fine point on it. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is uncharted territory for me. I should kill you because you’ve basically killed me. But I abhor violence. Still, somehow you managed to get the drop on me. I don’t like that. I refuse to believe that. You’re going to spend the night here in this godforsaken place. Sleep here like a dog. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now grovel some more.”

“Oh, I can do better than that.”

“Eh?”

The Mattgaetz was ready to do anything — absolutely anything — to get back in the T-Rump’s good graces, if only for a limited amount of time. And with that the Mattgaetz wiped his wet eyes dry and sang a song …

 

Everybody needs a little time away

I heard that came from your mother 

I was with you for that entire day

I love you like a brother

Scold me now. It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry

I just wanted to play

After I played the cuckoo, I gave the virus to you. My bad. Who knew? 

And after all that near-instant karma

You’re just the part of me that sank so low

 

Couldn’t stand to be kept away from the grifting you embody

Didn’t wanna be swept away, but I know your push comes to shove me

Scold me now. It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry. You can tell me I blow 

Scold me now. It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry. I’m just a stupid side-show

 

After I played the cuckoo, I gave the virus to you. My bad. Who knew?

And after all that near-instant karma

You’re just the part of me that sank so low

After I played the cuckoo, I gave the virus to you. My bad. Who knew?

 

You’re gonna be the unlucky one.

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!