The Randpaul from Kentucky-Muckity-Muck sat in the corner of the Sin Hut private pool by himself. He was a small-framed dino suffering from ADD — Agitating Dino Disorder. Reclining in the fart-controlled swamp waters, he took in the other Sin Hut dinos twenty feet distant on the periphery. They were all soaking their tired, aching bones after spending another long day arguing about how many moolah-moolah leaves to make available for the big and the little dinos during this Coronavirus outbreak that was ravaging the land.
The lagoon was supposed to be closed because of the virus but nobody tells a Sin Hut dino what to do without getting their head bitten off. The tepid swamp waters felt good and the Randpaul forgot to grimace as he normally did whenever he recalled The Incident. Two and a half years ago, he’d complained about his neighbour eating his grass and was promptly, viciously attacked. The Randpaul would turn a deaf ear to those who claimed the brawl came about because of his toxic combo of Agitated Dino Disorder and snarky repartee.
He sniffed, then noticed two Utah-Whut-Utah Sin Hut dinos, the Mittromney and the Mikelee making their way down the path toward him. He waved and the two dinos came over, plopping down into the water beside him. The Mittromney grinned magnanimously at him. Because that’s how the Utah-What-Utah dino always grinned.
“Nobody sittin’ with you again, Rand?”
“I’m not surprised. They’ve all got their own damn issues. Nobody wants to listen to my ideas because I’m thinking outside the box.”
The Mikelee piped up.
“Rand, nobody cares about the Afghanistan-Banana-Stand these days. It’s Corona, Corona, Corona. We’ve got mouths to feed. These are dire straits.”
“I suppose.”
The Randpaul’s sigh was followed by a small tickle in the back of his throat. On dino instinct, he inhaled deeply, a long, throaty mucus intake. He then hocked a long loogie, letting it fly. Except the Randpaul was a loogie-hocking rookie. Said loogie did not travel very far, landing dangerously close to the Mittromney’s tail.
“Excuse me, did you just spit in the pool?”
The Randpaul jumped to his feet.
I was goin’ to Kentucky though
It was some shindig, big dino show
Met the mayor’s wife, y’ know
My fever? Never did see it show
Yeah … gonna kinda cheat
Dance … to the dino beat
Yeah … didja see me drool?
Spittin’ in the, spittin’ in the
In the pool
I’m spittin’ in the pool
I’m spittin’ in the pool
Spittin’ in the pool
Sitting in the deep end now
Hope, hope, hopin’ I’m not positive
You wanna hear a story? My neighbour went pow!
Broke six ribs, a helluva blow
Yeah … gonna kinda cheat
Dance … to the dino beat
Yeah … didja see me drool?
Spittin’ in the …
In the pool
Spittin’ in the pool
Spittin’ in the pool
Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool
And about this stimulation
Needing moolah for our nation
As a former doctor, here’s my outreach
I don’t practice what I preach
So one, a two
A one, a two, a three
Ptooey!
I’m just spittin’ in the pool
I’m a spittin’ fool
You got me spittin’ in the pool
Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool
M-m-m, I love a good dispute
I’m such a skinny brute
And then maybe, in my dreams
I will take the time to quarantine
Yeah … gonna kinda cheat
Dance … to the dino beat
Oh, yeah … didja see me drool?
Spittin’ in the, I’m just spittin’ in the
Oh, in the pool, spittin’ in the pool
I’m a spittin’ fool, just spittin’, yeah, spittin’
Spittin’ in the pool
Everybody watch me just spit, spit
I’m a spittin’ fool
You got me spittin’ in the pool
Oh, spittin’, spittin’ IN the pool
Spittin’ … I’m a spittin’ fool
You got me spittin’ in the pool
Oh, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool
Now, everybody got to watch me spittin’
I’m a spittin’ fool
You got me spittin’ in the pool
Yeah, spittin’, spittin’ IN the pool
Water’s fine, Mitch!
I’m gonna spit up, spittin’ in the pool
I’m a spittin’ fool, just spittin’
Woah, spittin’, spittin’ in the pool
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 