The painstakingly-slow rolling rocks of progress were still ground to a halt in the Oval Dwelling as the Tyrumposaurus and his hangers-on of all stripes and colors — preferably on the shady side — contemplated their next move. The Stephenmillerus raised a short arm.
“We can’t get you out to big rallies because some damn dino coughed in Okla-Tulsa and those namby-pamby Donkeykongrus dinos think we’re going to become extinct. S-o-o-o, we need to get you into a big interview. We need a really big shew.”
His Edsullivan impersonation fell flat. Decoding, comprehension and retention were three skills on which the T-Rump crowd struck out regularly.
“An interview with the, um … Rachelmaddow?”
“She’d have you at hello, sir.”
“The Chriscuomo?”
“Well, he did have the Coronavirus, so you’d have to practise extra social distancing. Don’t know if you’re ready for that major step yet. Plus he’s a good friend of the Donlemon, remember.”
“Right, scratch that. Any good friend of the Donlemon is a disaster. Worthless, good-for-nothing bum. Horrible! Nothing personal. Freedom of speech.”
“Of course, T-Rump. I think you match up very well with the Chriswallace. I’m sure you can teach him a thing or two.”
“About everything. Everything in the world. In the history of the world. Make it so.”
A few hours later the T-Rump squatted down with the Chriswallace.
“T-Rump, thanks for agreeing to this. First off, the Milkanhoney Preservation has more Coronavirus cases than all the Eurodinos put together. How has that come to pass?”
“Yes, I passed that test. I aced it. Me, can you believe it?”
“I’m talking about the coronavirus testing.”
“Oh. Well, that’s easy. Did you ever for a second think that it’s possible that they don’t test? Because tests drive up the cases, you know. I wouldn’t put it past them.”
“No, tests do not drive up cases.”
“I didn’t come here for you to disagree with me. We’ve done more tests than any dinos in the world. Many of those cases are young dinos. They heal in a day. Boom. 24 hours. No problem. They have the sniffles and we put it down as a test. That’s what’s killing us. At some point, I just know this thing’s going to sort of just disappear. I hope. I’ll be right eventually.”
The T-Rump laughed nervously. The Chriswallace picked his jaw up off the floor.
“And that damn Biden. He wants to defund the dino police.”
“He does not.”
Another stern glare from the T-Rump.
“Look, he signed some Magna Carta, some charter with the Berniesanders. I’ll get that one, just like I was right on the mortality rate. Did you read the charter that he agreed to?”
“It says nothing about defunding the police.”
“Oh, really? It says abolish, it says, uh — Let’s go!”
They’re whining all day, got their culture wrong
I’ll take the schools away, their funds long gone
We need history strong
They’re putting them down, confederate clean
Columbus, give up, for sixteen-nineteen?
Biden should retire, he signed Bernie’s flyer
Oh, really? Now don’t you frown —
Abolish, written down
It says … uh, let’s go!
I like to be right, baby
Just like the mortality rate, baby
It says … uh, let’s go!
You’re laughing inside ‘cause you think I’ll lose
But the polls are all fake, you can’t just pick and choose
You’ll never fill my shoes
I’ve got wonderful guys and a sucker south
So we’re gonna sign one more that Moscow Mitch can route
Biden should retire, he signed Bernie’s flyer
Oh, really? Now don’t you frown —
Abolish, written down
It says … uh, let’s go!
I like to be right, baby
Just like the mortality rate, baby
It says … uh, let’s go!
I like to be right, baby
Just like the mortality rate, baby
It says … uh, let’s go!
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 