Humor Political Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1257 & 1261

July kicks off with two more T-Rump Traxx! First up, Day 1257 — “T-Rump Never Knows” … It’s another harrowing peek inside the T-Rump’s noggin … and Day 1261 — “Who’ll Stop the Pain?” … The bad news continues to pile up on the Milkanhoney Preservation. Thundering dino tail wags to the Beatles and good ol’ CCR. Stay safe and mask up!

Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Who’ll Stop the Pain? …

“Can the Tyrumposaurus read? Really, Kayleigh? I’m not talking context. I’m just talking about comprehending a complete sentence?”

The Kayleighmcenany tightly gripped the flat rock lectern with her short arms. She was doing her best to contain her anger at the Mediacircustops at their latest briefing. They were all slimy animals before her, every one of them, plodding this god-forsaken swampy terrain, only looking to snipe, slash and devour the dino beside them. She was too, but that was another matter. She focused her sweet-but-sinister eyes upon them.

“Listen to me, all of you. I’m only going to say this once. Yes, the T-Rump does read and he also consumes intelligence … whenever someone can get close enough to whisper in his ear. As long as they don’t say Russia. Or Moscow. Or Nyet, nyet, Soviet. No one, no one is going to tell us when we can or cannot whisper in his ear. He likes being whispered in his ear. It makes him feel important. Having said that, he is the most informed dino on the planet Earth when it comes to the threats we face. Okay, most of the threats. 99 percent of them. No Russia of course, because of that whispering-in-the-ear thing. Next question.”

The Jeremydiamond raised his short arm.

“So, just to confirm. The T-Rump didn’t get the Russodino bounty news in late February … then it actually was in his PDB — that is, Pointless Dithering Blather … but it didn’t rise to a serious enough level — even though it was classified as top-secret … and now it’s all a hoax. Did I get that right?”

“Almost. You’re forgetting the part where when we whisper the information into the T-Rump’s ear we say rutabaga instead of Russia. Rutabaga, okay? So he may be subconsciously aware of the bounty issue, that’s where I’m going to leave it. Next question.”

The Kaitlyncollins perked up.

“Does the T-Rump know that the Ghislainemaxwell has been apprehended? And if so, how worried is he? Is he running around with his skin on fire? Or is he yelling at the Williambarr? Which is it?”

“Hold it, hold it. Hold it!” It was the Johnfogerty. “Are we all forgetting that we are squatting here in the middle of the worst pandemic in a hundred years? Are we?”

The collective look on the Mediacircustops’ faces turned his way said they were certainly going to be getting to that eventually. The Johnfogerty shrugged, nodded cordially and launched into his song anyway.  


He calls it just an ember

This virus burnin’ down

But cases are still soarin’

The southern folk have found

On his make-shift stages

T-Rump thinks he’s the one

And he thunders, still he blunders

Who’ll stop the pain?


Can ya find it in ya

To accept this as the norm?

Genius not so stable

We watched his power grow

Still no plans and no deals

Trapped, we rack our brains

And he thunders, still he blunders

Who’ll stop the pain?


This game that he is playin’

It’s just for his encore

He controls the weather

With his latest storm

Still his hate is pourin’

Fillin’ in our fears

And he thunders, still he blunders

Who’ll stop the pain?


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!