Humor Political Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1271 & 1275

This week’s double-dig into classic T-Rump Traxx include: Day 1271 — “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” … With the lack of Oval Dwelling Coronavirus activity, the Tyrumposaurus thinks he’s in the clear … and Day 1275 — “All I Have to Do is Beans” … Good things come to those who fawn over the T-Rump. Special dino tail wags to the Starship and the Everly Brothers.

Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

All I Have to Do is Beans …

Another day of rising Coronavirus cases across Dino Nation and another raucous day of finger-pointing, nose-disjointing and s-o-o-o disappointing of a meeting in the Oval Dwelling. The Tyrumposaurus sat as the Resolute Rock, looking at the confusion around him. The Mincepencenow stared straight ahead, quietly marveling at a tiny speck on the far wall. The Betsydevos stared down at her hands, counting her fingers one-by-one before moving onto her toes. It was part of her therapy. Lord help her if they actually asked her a question regarding education. The Stephenmiller grinned devilishly, thinking naughty anti-migration thoughts. The T-Rump sensed there wasn’t enough chaos in the cave and finally spoke.

“Mike, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to know how bad the virus is and yet there’s another part of me that does. I blame my niece, Mary, for that. All in favor?”

The “ayes” were quick and came as one in complete unison, as if they’d been practicing for four years. They had. The Mincepencenow cleared his throat.

“T-Rump, we now have 39 regions out of the great 50 regions of the Milkanhoney Preservation that are experiencing, shall we say … modest, middling or otherwise mundane rise in cases. I think mundane is a good word we may begin sharing with the public. Mundane. That is, lacking interest or excitement. Dull, sir. Something to make dinos forget about what is actually going on.”

“Very well. Mundane it is. I like it. I can stay ahead of that. Betsy, how is that opening the schools thing coming along?”

Uh-oh, a school thing. And he expected an answer. Something. Anything. Quick.

“I – I kept telling them, open the schools. OPEN the schools. Open THE schools. Open the SCHOOLS. I tried it every which way, I did. Do you think I should throw in a ‘dammit’ to make them understand better?”

“Let’s, uh … save the dammit for later. That’s my word, remember? You do not want to be getting more attention than me, right?”

“No, I guess not. Maybe if I rearrange the words. Teachers like puzzles. I think. Um, schools the open … “

Weird looks from the room told her she’d said too much.

“Stephen, what’s new on the Great Tex-Mex Divide? I’ve been telling everybody it’s done. Or will be very soon. Like in a couple of days?”

“Uh, yes. Well, actually … you know how much I hate talking about those dinos, but the Oh-Boya-Goya group from Mexicodino actually had some nice things to say about you.”


“Yes, again, I’m not really here to dive into my heartless soul to even begin to celebrate such news.”

“Fair enough. The Oh-Boya-Goya group, you say? That’s great. All is forgiven in Mexicodino. For a few hours anyway. Transactions!” He hammered the top of the Resolute Rock. “That’s what I like. That’s what I’m all about. It gets me going. I – I think I’m gonna sing.”

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans

When I want to, it’s my charm

When I want to, can’t be no harm

Whenever I want to, all I have to do is

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans

When you can’t sleep in the night

And you beg me to see the light

Whenever I want to, all I have to do is


I can take my time, I can’t hear you whine

Anytime night or day

This is my new biz, gee whiz

I’m schemin’ my life away

Now don’t you go, give this a try

You need me so, step up and buy

Whenever I want to, all I have to do is

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans


Everything is fine, you can sit and dine 

And watch my daughter say

Something new this is, gee whiz

You’re thinking your life’s astray

But don’t you know, I’ll tell you why

So don’t you go, step up and buy

Whatever I could do, all I have to do is

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans

Bea-ea-ea-ea-eans, beans, beans, beans


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!