“What took you so long?”
The dinosaur doctor hurried inside the Oval Dwelling and squatted across from the Tyrumposaurus.
“I came as soon as I heard. You said you thought you were coming down with something?”
“Yes, well, the Mediacircustops first brought it up and since you’re the expert, I thought I’d run it by you before I begin to, um … panic.”
“What exactly am I diagnosing here?”
“Latent stage neurosyphilis.”
“Hmm. Well, we need to begin somewhere. What is your weight these days?”
“200.”
The dino doc gave the T-Rump a stern disbelieving glare.
“Okay, okay. 6,000 pounds.”
“That’s better. Don’t take this personally. Remember, I’m rooting for you.”
“I need a cheater, not a cheerleader.”
The doc ignored the T-Rump.
“Any gastro-intestinal issues?”
“I wish. That’s like gas lighting, right?”
“Uh, no. I remember you limping down that small hill the other day. You looked to be in great pain.”
“Oh, that. I wasn’t limping. I’ll have you know I ran down that entire hill at top speed. Backwards.”
“Yes, of course you did. Now for your cognitive state. Look at the blank wall over there and tell me what you see.”
“I see division.”
“Oh? What kind of division?”
“Bad, bad division. Very bad.”
“I – I don’t know what to say. I’m astounded. It’s a miracle. Did I just hear you say that you understand that division is a bad thing in our society?”
“Hardly. Division is bad because I’m losing! You gotta help me win, doc. What do I have you here for? Everything is about me winning in November.”
“Well, perhaps if you were to read.”
“Don’t even start. Dammit. Now look what you’ve done. You’ve ruined my day.”
“How’s that?”
“You made me think of … school.”
“Go on.”
The T-Rump crossed his short arms defensively.
“I hated school.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because all the other dinos hated me. Stupid kids. Stupid school.”
“But there must have been something you liked.”
A thought dared frequent the T-Rump’s walnut.
“Well, one day a dino teacher told me history was like ‘his story’ and it could be my story. I didn’t even know the guy. But he’s a great guy because history was now my story and I didn’t even have to do anything. So okay, I’ll admit it. I know history because it’s my story.”
“Ahem, I believe what the teacher was referring to is that your life would be a part of history.”
The T-Rump scowled at him.
“You don’t have many friends, do you? No, you’re wrong, doc. Oh, sure. There are other dinos in my story but they’re just that. History.”
“Hmm. Now I’m beginning to understand your big speech yesterday celebrating our veteran dinos.”
“Great speech wasn’t it?”
“Well …”
“I just go with my gut. I still remember the main parts. I know them so well, I could sing them.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Yes, it is, doc. I need to show you I’m not stupid. Uh, but first I’m gonna need you to give me a bouncy beat though.”
“A … bouncy beat? Why’s that?”
“To kick-start my brain cells. Would you mind tapping your tail against the ground and stamping on those big Doobie bugs in between your tail taps? They’ll keep you runnin.’”
“I’ll try.”
The good doctor began tapping and stamping.
“Good, that’s good. Don’t stop.”
So, as far as I know
I’m glad they’re on our side
In Vietnam they did their part
In all those jungles deep inside
In that hot Desert Storm heat
Our warriors, all strong
We don’t have to worry
It was swift and swift, not long
Like nobody’s ever seen anything happen
And you know that, you know
And sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, it’s, it’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, yes, it’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, it’s, It’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, yes, It’s swift and sweeping
Oh, you know how I feel
Hey, no bones spurs, I’d be there
But a lot of you, you yourself
Were involved in that over there
All of you, don’t worry
That was a quick one, right?
It was over in a hurry
Swift and swift and sweeping-like
Like nobody’s ever seen anything happen
And you know that, you know
It’s sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, it’s, it’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, yes, it’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, it’s, It’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping, yes, It’s swift and sweeping
It’s swift and sweeping
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 