The Deborahbirx cast a worried look at the Oval Dwelling entrance.
“Shouldn’t we wait for the Tonyfauci?”
“We don’t need that little twerp,” fumed the Tyrumposaurus. “He’ll only mix up our mixed messaging. We can do that on our own, thank you very much!”
The other members in the latest, not-so-greatest Coronavirus Task Force meeting ducked their heads so as not to be hit by any of the fall-out, virus aerosol-laden or not. Also present were the Mincepencenow, the Alexazar and the Robertredfield. The T-Rump turned to his right hand dino.
“Bring me up to speed, Mike. What’s our latest plan to make this damn virus go away? Enough already. For some reason, it refuses to listen to me. I can’t fire it. Believe me, I tried. Damn virus. No respect.”
“Your esteemed leadership, it would seem your promise that the, uh … problem would go away in April came and went. Might I add that there were no packed dino religious gatherings that you predicted would happen that month. Ahem, wrong there again. Then I said we’d have this epidemic behind us by Memorial Day. I take full responsibility on that one, T-Rump”
“Yeah. You’d better. Don’t think you can’t be replaced, you know.”
“Then the Kushneratops gave us hope with his remark that we’d be ‘really rocking’ by July when we’re on the other side of the medical aspect of this. Well, it gives me more grave disappointment to point out that, uh … your very intelligent, wise-as-can-be son-in-law was wrong too, sir. We were all wrong.”
“You are. Every damn one of you. But not me. O-o-o-o-o-h no. Not a chance. Azar! You’re up. Make this thing go away.”
“Oh, I wish I could. This is messed up, T-Rump. Somebody said we’d done 40 million tests as of a week ago and then some dumb dino said we were at 39 million yesterday. Now dinos out there think we’re going backwards. I have a question, sir. Can I like, uh … quit?”
“No! Nobody quits unless I fire them first.”
The Alexazar slunk back into his squat.
“Redfield! I told you to change those damn guidelines because you’re making them too tough. Everything is like a test now. I hate tests! Especially the part about having to pay somebody to take them for me. These tests, they drive up the numbers and make me look bad.”
“But – but we just hit 60,000 new cases in Dino Nation yesterday. I have to make it look like I’m doing something.”
“Relax. I’ve got this. Again. What do I pay you guys for? All I have to do is go with my gut. My gut is all-knowing. It knows what this Milkanhoney Preservation needs. So, we’re going to do what we always do.”
Uh-oh. The vacant looks around the cave foretold the silent, unheard despair of groaning minds.
“That’s right. Nothing. We’re just going to give up. With ample misdirection of course.”
“Misdirection?” said the Mincepencenow.
“That’s right. And I’ll be providing the entertainment.”
“Entertainment?”
“Of course. It will take their minds completely off the 130,000 dino deaths. Geez, I hate saying that number. Even though I bear no responsibility for them. Hmm. That’s probably why I hate math. The numbers are always against me. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. T-RUMP HARASSMENT! … MATHEMATICAL MISCONDUCT! … Where was I?”
“Your gut,” said the Mincepencenow. “Your gut was speaking again, sir.”
“Right. So, listen up. Here’s the new message. Trust me, you’ll want to kiss me after this. It will be the greatest kiss.”
Don’t go to Fauci cuz I know better
Just gotta wait for the warmer weather
Life was so sweet, now we’re gonna waste it
I gotta win, I can almost taste it
Can’t stay at home, so repeat to yourself
Live with it, live with it, ooh-oh, the virus might go
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Covid is spikin’ across the nation
But our kids, they need their education
Go back to school or I’ll hold your money
There’s nothin’ wrong with a nose that’s runny
This ain’t no time to put our lives on the shelf
Live with it, live with it, ooh-oh, the virus might go
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Come on, the virus might go
Woah!
Live with it, live with it, ooh-oh, the virus might go
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
Live with it, live with it
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 