Category: Political Satire

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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Bad Medicine …

The Oval Dwelling dino aides sitting off to the side of Monday’s Coronavirus briefing nervously nibbled their claws down to the bone. What jaw-dropping words would come from the Tyrumposaurus’ yap today? There had been much discussion over the weekend that after Thursday’s crackpot theories for a virus cure and Friday when he’d been stone cold mum, that maybe trotting the leader of Dino Nation out to these briefings was a bad idea getting worse. The T-Rump empire was on shaky ground. But there he stood at the flat rock lectern, ready to bamboozle the assembled Mediacircustops.

“I know many of you thought I wasn’t going to be here today. So, because I always do the opposite of what you expect, here I am. Change is good. Chaos is better. I said last week I wasn’t serious. I was being sarcastic. Just because dinos are dying doesn’t mean I can’t crack a joke.”

“T-Rump,” asked the Jimacosta. “Where are the Tonyfauci and the Deborahbirx?”

“They are not here because if they were … well, you know … I might start m-u-u-u-u-s-i-n-g again and you all know where that got us. Me and my musing.”

“But they’re the experts on the virus. Especially how to stop it.”

“Hold on. You stop right there. You will speak when spoken to. Got that? I am the expert.”

“T-Rump.” It was the Kaitlyncollins.

“What is it? I thought I put you in the back row.”

“I’d like to ask a question of the Mincepencenow.”

“Well. I suppose.”

The T-Rump gave way at the lectern to his second in command. The T-Rump didn’t stray too far however, able to jump in at the slightest vanity.

“Mincepencenow,” began the Kaitlyncollins, “Do you think the T-Rump is crazy? As in being unfit to be the leader of Dino Nation?”

The Mincepencenow visibly winced, his face registering shock and awe. It took a second for him to regain his composure.

“How come you paused?” snapped the T-Rump.

“I’m so very sorry, dear, respected T-Rump of triumphant proportions. The question threw me.”

“I’ll throw you alright.”

“I have a follow up question,” the Kaitlyncollins said hopefully. “At what point, let me rephrase that. Ahem. How bad does it have to get before you and Mother seriously consider moving into the Oval Dwelling? Have you had that discussion yet?”

“Uh … Mother, uh …” The Mincepencenow was seriously sidetracked because he had had that conversation with her. Only yesterday.

The T-Rump jumped to the lectern.

“Don’t ‘mother’ me. How can you think about her at a time like this? My starring role is in peril here.”

The Kaitlyncollins was on a roll. The other Mediacircustops all had their short arms down in solidarity. She was front row center.

“Excuse me, T-Rump. Dinos are dying and you’re just worried about your popularity? Again?” 

“I can worry about two things at once. Like my ratings yesterday.”

There was an awkward pause.

“And?”

“Oh. Well. My ratings two days ago of course.”

“T-Rump, you claim to have 29 million slurps in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir of your one-time game-changing cure. What are you going to do with it now that –”

“Don’t say it. Don’t you say it. Fake, fake, fake-ity fake fake news.”

“Well?”

“I’ll tell you what.” 

He puffed out his chest and began moving his short arms emphatically in front of him, as if measuring the size of a fish he caught. A similar thought raced through the minds of those present. Here we go again. 

“I’ll have you know, I have a very tough job up here. The toughest job a dino has ever had in several lifetimes. But I never complain. I just have to get the word out. That’s all. Because it’s all about word-of-mouth. Look, I’ve been squatting here for five minutes. You know what time that makes it? Self-promotion time. Listen up …”

 

You know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

Bad medicine

 

I’m a stable genius, this comes natural to me 

And injecting disinfectant may be just the remedy

And I got great ideas because they are what you need

Like taking some bright light and shining it internally

In case you got the symptoms, count’em 1, 2, 3

 

It’s my greed

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Pee-Pee-Eee

You get a little, not a lot from me

I hear you beggin’, “Please!”

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Hy-droxy-chloro-quine, gonna give you the shrug

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

 

Now that I have these doctors with me here up on the hill

So while I may talk for hours, they are only here to fill

A word for all those down in front — the ones I’d like to smack

Just look at all these doctors here who pat me on the back

You’re dyin’ anyway, so what’s a heart attack?

 

It’s my greed

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Pee-Pee-Eee

You get a little, not a lot from me

I hear you beggin’, “Please!”

That’s what you get for listenin’ to me

Hy-droxy-chloro-quine, gonna give you the shrug

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

Let me play doctor, I’ll cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you want

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you need

 

You need a ventilator ‘cause you’re gettin’ close to death

I’ll see if I can find one, then I’ll send it somewhere else

So for now I’ll try to find some kinda pill for you 

You should try it, you may like it … just your life to lose

 

Wo-oh-oh, you know, I’ve got bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I’m the only one to cure this disease

 

I’ve got—bad medicine

Bad medicine is what you need

Wo-oh-oh, talk it up, this is bad medicine

I got the notion I can cure this disease

 

Bad, bad medicine

Is what you want

Bad, bad medicine

It’s bad, really bad

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1187 & 1191

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-vneck-da69c0

This week’s two T-Rump Traxx are “kool” and blue. That is, Day 1187 — “Liberation” … looks at more than a few dinos on the war path … and for Day 1191 — “The Reaper” … If you know where Kentucky-Muckety-Muck is, you’re getting v-e-r-y warm. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The Reaper …

The dino governor, the Andrewcuomo, sized up his special audience in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir.

“So I’m asking you, Moscowmitch, if you could see it in your, um … one of your incredibly rare instances of good judgement, to convince the Sin Hut dinos here to help out the dinos in the Big Apple Orchard in our desperate time of need, I might even say something nice about you.”

“On the contrary, Gov’nor, I’m not in the mood to begin bailing out the blue dinos. You’d think this was a national calamity. It isn’t. Why, pretty soon, we’ll be going back to our daily lives with or without you. Hopefully without. But here’s an idea. Why don’t you just tell everyone you ran out of moolah-moolah leaves and are just plain broke?”

“Broke, are you kidding me? I think that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And you’re one dumb dino.”

“Now, now. Here me out, Gov’nor. You see this Coronavirus here seems to be attacking you big rock dinos, not the plain, simple dino folk out in the sticks and stones, like me. What I’m trying to say is you Donkeykongrus dinos need to get your nests in order.”

“I find that comment really offensive. Such pettiness. It’s repugnant. And then there’s your logic. I ask you, how do we get moolah-moolah if we’re broke?”

“How should I know? Why don’t you ask that nice dino mayor from Vague-as-Vegas. I’m sure she could help you.”

“You know, Moscowmitch. I’m going to haunt you til the day you die because like the dinos back home, we are Big Apple Orchard tough. And smart. We’re Big Apple Orchard disciplined … and unified, dammit. And loving. Did I say loving? So very loving. I wish I could show you some tough love right now. Because you, Moscowmitch, you’re the exact opposite.”

“Well, thank you for the compliments. Need I remind, everyone, I’m not here to win friends and influence dinos. I’m just here to win.”

The Andrewcuomo knew when he was banging his head against a wall. He rose from his squat and exited the cave.

A smiling Moscowmitch turned to his 52 Grandoldparty Sin Hut followers.

“That felt good. Nothing beats stepping on a Donkeykongrus throat when they’re down and out. Makes me feel like that Rocky dinosaur. But I need a song.”

Say no more. The Sin Hut dinos couldn’t agree on how to best keep Dino Nation from dying but if Moscowmitch needed a song, they’d get right on it. Within hours, dino tails across the land were tapping along with it.

 

All your times have come

Here now under my thumb

The House should fear the Reaper

Under the moon and the sun I reign … Don’t you be like they are 

Never agree … They fear the Reaper 

You just take my plan … They fear the Reaper 

We’ll be able to lie … They fear the Reaper 

Let’s just kick the can

 

La la la la la

La la la la la

 

Coronavirus fun

If you’re blue, you’re done

Show me dough and then we’re set

Together in prosperity … Show me dough and then we’re set 

2,000 deaths and more everyday … Show me dough and then we’re set 

2,000 deaths and more everyday … Redefine happiness 

Another 2,000 dying everyday … Don’t you be like they are 

Never agree … They fear the Reaper 

You just take my plan … They fear the Reaper 

We’ll be able to lie … They fear the Reaper 

Let’s just kick the can 

 

La la la la la

La la la la la

 

I control everyone

I’m in this for the long run

Came my fake day of sadness

Like when Merrick Garland couldn’t get on

So this virus came and then Cuomo appeared

He asked for help and then I sneered

No, no, Cuomo, go to Kokomo … Go to Kokomo 

No, no, Cuomo … Go to Kokomo 

And he ran away … Then they started to die 

I’m the Grim Reaper, don’t ask why … Don’t become like they are

The perfect partisan .. Don’t become like they are

Never agree … They fear the reaper

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Liberation …

“That left coast tree-hugger, the Jayinslee, said I was fomenting a domestic rebellion. Fomenting, he said. Do I look like I’m foaming at the mouth?”

He knew dinos in the audience would go bonkers if he did. The Tyrumposaurus looked out over the crowd of his unwashed, unfathoming faithful at this hastily called rally in Michigonia at Lansing-Boils. All the experts said he absolutely, positively should NOT be holding this rally in the middle of the Coronavirus outbreak. But it was an itch he simply HAD to scratch. He’d gone weeks without mass adulation. Pandemic be damned. He was just getting started.

“Foaming at the mouth. I think I’d look okay foaming at the mouth. … Then there’s the dino mayor, the Billdeblasio. He accused me of waiting for Manhattinhand to drop dead. I used to live in Manhattinhand. Nobody’s going to drop dead. Some dinos are going to get a little sick. A few may drop dead. Just a few. But hey, what is the governor going to do about it? I don’t talk to mayors. Okay, I talk to them. But I don’t listen. The Andrewcuomo, he needs to be nice to me. Maybe then I’ll be nice to him.”

 “And the Fridaghitis. Poor, poor Fridaghitis. She can’t help herself with the fake news. What did she say, you ask? I’ll tell you. We’ve got all night. I want to get Dino Nation life back to normal, get out of our caves. She accused me of undercutting the guidelines I put in place yesterday with the dino health experts. That I was contradicting my own guidance and undercutting — there’s that word again, such a cruel, nasty word — that I was undercutting the credibility of the entire mitigation effort. Blaming me for telling dinos it was safe to ignore the stay-in-your-cave order, blaming me for more dino deaths to come. Who, me? Please.”

“Wait, there’s more. Frida was having a field day with the fake news. Ol’ Fake News Field Day Frida. She said I was calling for disobedience during a most unstable time, was how she put it. Look. I’m standing right here. I ask you, how can you have an unstable time with a stable genius like me? You can’t. She says you dinos are angry and frustrated and that violence is looming. O-o-o-o-o-h. Looming. Scary stuff. … Well, guess what. I don’t see anger and frustration. I see thousands of …” the T-Rump sighed, “… peaceful dinos. Peaceful dinos like swans in a placid lagoon. It’s the Donkeykongrus dinos who are raving, extreme lunatics.”

“Just like Fake News Field Day Frida … she finished her fake news by saying that I was inciting you and that once you acted, I wouldn’t be able to rein you in. Emotions running high and all. No guarantees that I could control you. Well, guess what. I don’t control you. You’re responsible dinos able to make your own decisions. I understand that depends on what day you’re listening to me. New day. New decision. My decision. Your decision. There’s a link in there somewhere. A tiny link. But don’t just take my word for it. Would you like some real news?”

The resulting dino roar shook the jungle to its damp, soggy roots.

“The Lauraingraham — bless her heart — she said it’s time to get your freedom back. And the Jeaninepirro, the great judge who likes to lock bad Donkeykongrus dinos up, she said that the Dino Nation spirit is too strong, that the Dino Nation is not going to take it. She also said that protests like the one we’re having here, they may spread across Dino Nation. Now before the fake news Mediacircustops go crazy, let me just remind everyone, it’s not my fault. Who am I to stop you? So in closing, you’re just going to have to do what’s best for you. And me. Remember November? Of course you do. So I have a little song for you to help, uh … steer you in the right direction. A cool direction since the gang’s all here. Like my Trollertweeties flying overhead this week. Just an opinion. Complete with lyrics. And a beat.”

 

Yahoo!

This is your liberation

Yahoo!

This is your liberation

 

Liberate, showtime, come on!

Let’s liberate

Liberate full-time, come on!

Let’s liberate

 

There’s Michigan right here beside us

A liberation to last through the virus

So bring Minnesota and Virginia too

We gonna get them in our back-to-work coup 

 

Come on now, liberation

Let’s all liberate, I say it’s high time

Liberation

We gonna liberate, and build me a shrine 

 

It’s time to divide an’ conquer

It’s up to you, blame the gov’nor

Everyone get somethin’ to hurl, come on!

 

Yahoo!

It’s a liberation

Yahoo!

 

Liberate your dime, come on!

It’s a liberation

Liberate my dime, come on!

Let’s liberate

 

There’s Michigan right here beside us

A liberation to last through the virus

So bring Minnesota and Virginia too

We gonna get them in our back-to-work coup

 

Come on now, liberation

Let’s all liberate because it’s high time 

Liberation

We gonna liberate because it’s high time

 

It’s time to divide an’ conquer

It’s up to you, blame the gov’nor

Everyone get somethin’ to hurl, come on!

 

Yahoo!

It’s a liberation

Yahoo!

It’s a liberation

 

Liberate some crime, come on!

Let’s liberate, come on now

Liberate, it’s fine, come on!

Let’s liberate

 

We’re gonna fight the Corona fight

Let’s liberate, it’s our right

You’re gonna maybe get sick tonight

Let’s liberate, it’s our right, baby

 

We’re gonna fight the Corona fight

Let’s liberate, it’s our right

You’re gonna maybe get sick tonight

Let’s liberate, it’s our right

 

Yahoo!

Yahoo!

 

Liberate, showtime, come on!

Let’s liberate

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1180 & 1184

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-xgiau-d99d1b

This week’s double-shot of T-Rump Traxx feature: Day 1180 — “Unforgivable” … The Newyorktimesian dinos get the drop on the T-Rump … and Day 1184 — “Working by the Weekend” … The Stephenmoore has big news for the latest Coronavirus briefing with the Mediacircustops. Tail wags to Nat King Cole, Natalie Cole and Loverboy. For the Eclectic Dino Classic Rock taste in all of us. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Working by the Weekend …

The Tyrumposaurus was brimming with enthusiasm as he gripped the edge of the flat rock lectern for today’s Coronavirus briefing before the acceptably socially-distanced Mediacircustops. 

“Hello. How are my ratings so far? Sit tight. They’ll be even better in a minute. Because I bring good news to this … this … thing. This silent killer. We need to get our dino daily lives back up and running. That’s why I have set up another Coronavirus committee … what are we up to now, about 8? I’m calling it the Great Get Off Your Butt and Make Dino Nation Great Again Group. More of my best and brightest. That’s why I’ve named the Stephenmoore as the leader of this group. Stephen, can you come over and say a few words for us?”

The Stephenmoore shuffled meekly to the lectern.

“Hello. Heh-heh. Thank you, T-Rump. Heh-heh. Thank you for naming me to this post. Thank you also for trying to get me named to the Big Dino Moolah-Moolah Board before. Even though it didn’t quite work out. Heh-heh. I think it was because of my nervous laugh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. As leader of the Great Get Off Your Butt and Make Dino Nation Great Again Group, heh-heh, I love that name, we need to make some real decisions here … heh-heh … before the Milkanhoney Preservation falls off into a catastrophic calamity of Great Depression proportions, where our dino way of life will be corpses gathering dust in the wind. Heh-heh. I think that got your attention. Heh-heh. Because we need to get back to our normal dino way of life, starting, like tomorrow. Heh-heh. Thankfully, heh-heh, I have a five-point plan.”

He shuffled his feet for emphasis.

“First off, we need to praise the T-Rump profusely. Because that’s the way to stay on his good side. I should know. Heh-heh. Secondly, everybody needs to get back in the pool. Any pool will do. Make a splash. Heh-heh. Third, absolutely, positively no sneezing. Period. Our fourth point. Look, we’ve been pretty unlucky thus far — geez 32,000 dino deaths — so always, always, always keep your fingers crossed. And finally, the fifth and most important point of our plan is to try to stay healthy because face it, heh-heh … there simply isn’t enough testing to go around. I’ll take one or two questions now, heh-heh. No tough ones, okay? Heh-heh.”

“That’s a plan?” It was the Jimacosta in the front row. “You’re going to get us all killed.”

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t … heh-heh … say ‘all.’ There may be some. But we’re looking at social chaos already. I did mention calamity. Heh-heh. Chaos, death? Not a pretty picture. Heh-heh. These are tough times we live in. But I’m a leader now. Heh-heh.”

“Please tell us some other dinos — any dino — is advising you on this?”

“Well, heh-heh … I listen to a lot of dinos. Pretty much those who will listen to me. Heh-heh. The Gregabbott of Tinstar Texas is a great sounding board. Don’t pay attention to that Andrewcuomo, though. He’s all doom and gloom. Boom goes the gloom. Heh-heh.”

The Jimacosta was visibly stunned.

“So, let me get this straight. You’re putting profit over health?”

“Here we go, here we go. That’s a false dichotomy. Just plain false. Ohmigosh. Greed and profits ahead of dino life. No, no, no. You might want to look at Zona-Cactus. I’ll bet two-thirds of that region doesn’t have one sick dino. Let’s start with Zona-Cactus, okay? What do we have to lose? Heh-heh.”

“But, but, this is a communicable disease that isn’t spreading like wildfire only because we’re staying in our caves. Your five-point plan sounds like a wing and a prayer. Is that all you have?”

“I’m glad you asked that. Heh-heh. No, it’s not all. I also have a song that I’m sure — okay, I’m hoping — heh-heh … that will get Dino Nation up and going. Hit it, boys!

 

Everyone’s stirring, got cabin fever too 

Everyone calls it the flu, oh

Everyone’s wondering why they’re at home tonight

Everyone’s waiting for the green light, the green light

 

Everybody’s working by the weekend

Everybody needs a cash advance

Everybody who just lost a dear friend

Everybody takes a second chance, oh

 

You wanna piece of my heart?

In case yours doesn’t restart

You wanna see the spread slow?

C’mon, baby, who knows?

 

Everyone’s thinking about what they should do

Everyone doesn’t have a clue

Everyone’s hoping that they don’t check out

Everyone’s praying they just get gout.

 

Everybody’s working by the weekend

Everybody wants a cash advance, hell ya!

Everybody who just lost a dear friend

Everybody takes a second chance, oh

 

You wanna piece of my heart?

In case yours doesn’t restart

You wanna see the spread slow?

C’mon, baby, who knows?

 

Hey! Back up, man. 6 feet!

 

You wanna piece of my heart?

In case yours doesn’t restart

You wanna see the spread slow?

C’mon, baby, who knows?

 

You wanna piece of my heart?

In case yours doesn’t restart

You wanna see the spread slow?

C’mon, baby, who knows?

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Unforgivable …

It was a familiar site these days at the daily Coronavirus Mediacircustops briefing. If his Trollertweety blasts over head weren’t mind numbing enough, the Tyrumposaurus’ delivery from the bully pulpit was sure to crack the most patient of walnut brains. And he droned on.

“No wonder my ratings are going up. I was the one who stepped in to shut the migration down from Chopstickchowmein. And that Peternavarro memo from weeks ago? Never saw it. Not in a million years. I wasn’t thinking about it before he was even thinking of it, okay? On that note — the thinking part — because I do all the thinking around here, I really felt this was a pandemic long before the expert dinos were thinking of calling it a pandemic. Long before. You can blame the Obamarus and blame the rest of the Donkeykongrus while you’re at it. They didn’t get behind me. They tried to impeach me instead. So I can be excused if it took my mind off things just for a second. One tiny second. If I forgot a couple of things along the way, it’s because I had to be a cheerleader to get Dino Nation back on track. A cheerleader, can you believe it? Rah, rah as they say. Look at me. I’m doing it all. Gee, look at the sun. Time flies. It’s been 90 minutes of me.  I guess I could take a few questions now.”

At the back of the cave, a Newyorktimesian dino, the Ericlipton, raised his short arm. The T-Rump spotted him.

“Ah, fake news. There you are. You fake news dinos are all alike.”

“Fact-checking you is a full-time job,” replied the Ericlipton, “Dino Nation can rest assured we sift through all the lies to keep you honest, T-Rump.”

The dino leader bristled.

“Okay, you blew it. You’re a horrible Mediacircustops. I’m not taking your question. So, there.” 

“I’m sorry. Did you think I was going to ask you a question?”

“Uh. … Heh-heh. That’s why you’re here. Right?”

“No question. But I do have a song for you. Actually, we have a song for you. Five more Newyorktimesian dinos beside him stood up. They included the Davidsanger, the Maggiehaberman, the Michaelshear, the Markmazzetti and the Julianbarnes.

The T-Rump gripped the flat rock lectern and scowled at them.

“So, you’re ganging up on me, are you?”

“It takes a lot of talent to write a great song.”

The T-Rump was taken aback.

“A great song, huh? Well, it would be if it’s about me.”

“Did you want to hear it?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I want to hear it. You know I’m receptive to any and all news that pertains to me. Especially when it’s entertaining. Er, what’s the song called?” 

“Unforgivable.”

“Hah! You mean ‘Unforgettable.’ You can’t even get that right.”

“On the contrary …”

 

Unforgivable, is what you did

Unforgivable, in what you hid

You made a mess of poor Messonier

She warned you in mid-February

Social isolation was in store

 

Unforgivable, letting Pence hold sway

Stalling the alarm, truth in the way

That’s why, dummy, it’s just logical

That something so unforgivable, 

Came from a pompous, moronic imbecile like you 

 

Unforgivable, how the cases grew

From fifteen to four thousand, not just one or two

A million positives, it’s incredible

It’s something so unforgivable, 

It’s many thousands dead and counting, thanks to you 

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1173 & 1177

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ff4ch-d8edc0

It’s the T-Rump tag-team that’s wreaking havoc across Dino Nation — the Kushneratops and the Peternavarro! Our two T-Rump sing-along traxx this week are: Day 1173 — “It’s My Stockpile” … The Kushneratops suffers a compassion conniption … and Day 1177 — “Blinded by Science” … When the Peternavarro locks horns with the Tonyfaucci, something’s gotta give! … Big dino tail wag to Leslie Gore and Thomas Dolby, the only place on the web you’ll see them in the same sentence. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Blinded by Science …

The ever-glib Mediacircustops, the Johnberman, was speaking with that Tyrumposaurus’ Wheelin’ Dealin’ special advisor you can’t keep down try as you might — the Peternavarro. The special advisor was harping about a new potential cure from the hopeful-but-still-sour end of the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir.

The Johnberman sized up the Peternavarro. This was like raiding a dodo bird’s nest in broad daylight.

“Peter, the good dino doc, the Tonyfaucci, said that the data at best is merely suggestive. There may be an effect. Maybe no effect. You can’t definitively say this.”

“John, the doctor can speak for himself but I would have two words for you. Cash cow. Let’s just not mention the bad stuff, okay? There are numerous studies that show a slurp or two of this just may be good for what ails you. Like Coronavirus. Sounds kinda like Crohn’s Disease, doesn’t it? Heck, it just might cure that too.”

“Hang on, hang on, Peter. Inquiring dino minds want to know. What weeds on God’s green earth have you been eating to make you think you can for one instant question the medicine of Doctor Faucci?”

“It’s not just about me. Let me put you in touch with a few dino docs on our side of the fence, if you promise not to dig too deep into their credentials. They can speak a lot more eloquently than me on this.”

“I’ll bet.”

“It’s like this, John. Dino docs disagree all the time. That gives me every right to enter the fray because I’m a social scientist, a PHD …”

“I’m sorry, did you say PHD?”

“Post Hyper Dementia. You see, I understand how to read statistics — I call’em stats for short — I know how to read’em whether they’re in medicine or law, economics or whatever, astrology or women’s issues, feng shui or fictional characters …”

“I’m sorry, that doesn’t qualify you to treat patients. You know it doesn’t qualify you.”

“Hang on, John. John, John, John, John. … John. All I’m asking is for you to understand. Just think a little outside that square thing, okay.”

“Dinos are going to be buried in that square thing.”

“Okay, okay. I admit it. You’re backing me into a corner now. My teeth are showing, John. Hear me growl. There are down sides to this. In some cases there are — God, I can’t believe I’m saying this, the T-Rump is going to kill me — negative effects.

“Not to put too fine a point on it. You mean deadly.”

The Peternavarro shrugged.

“Heart, vision, probably a few other things as well. Of course, the dino patient and doctor might want to talk it over first. I’m just here to get w-a-a-a-y out in front of it.”

“Peter, I’ve spoken with a few dino docs and they have been unanimous in their response. We don’t know. So, let’s be clear here, you are a social scientist dino with no medical training whatsoever who says that this is the cure. Why should we listen to you and not Doctor Faucci?

“Because it takes two dinos to have a debate and you know what, that reminds me. I’m gonna go and give that Doctor Faucci another piece of my mind. So you have a story for tomorrow. Did I tell you I know the finer points of publicity?”

With that, the Peternavarro up and left, a sneer on his face he couldn’t wait to put to good use.

The next day the Johnberman was strolling down a path in the neighborhood when he caught sight of a familiar image. It was the Peternavarro off to the side of the path downwind. As the Mediacircustops veteran drew closer, he saw that the Peternavarro appeared agitated. He also looked a little rough around the gills. The Johnberman paused. Was the Peternavarro talking to himself? The Johnberman suddenly felt a pang of guilt for raking the special advisor over the coals the previous day. He reached out to him.

“Peter, are you okay?”

Startled, the Peternavarro jumped back a foot. There was a wild look in his eyes as he looked past the Johnberman, seeing him but not seeing him, raising his short arms to the sky.

 

Ha!

It’s hydroxychloroquine

T-Rump’s doctors said to me

As sweet as any potion

So I spoke to Doctor Faucci

But he blinded me with science

He blinded me with science! 

He told me to efficacy

 

Yeah

Second opinion, right here

Science! 

I know nineteen chemicals

Science! 

Science! 

 

No, but it’s hydroxychloroquine

T-Rump’s doctors said to me

As sweet as any potion

When I spoke to Doctor Faucci

He blinded me with science

He blinded me with science! 

What’s therapeutically?

 

Did you know I’m a P–H–D?

Science!

I really like to study, you see

Science!

 

Ha! It’s hydroxychloroquine

A miracle, sure to be

No deaths in this promotion

But then that Doctor Faucci

He blinded me with science

He blinded me with science! 

You know I’m not some wannabe

 

Listen, I know medicine or law or whatever 

 

Cuz

Because I’ve got …

Qual-ifi-kay-shuns

I read for social, science and for fun!

Don’t call me a liar

For all my quotes

And all my crazy notions

But it’s Hydroxychloroquine

All these doctors said to me

As sweet as any potion

But then that damn Doctor Faucci

Huh, he blinded me with science

He blinded me with science! 

He blinded me with …

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!