“That left coast tree-hugger, the Jayinslee, said I was fomenting a domestic rebellion. Fomenting, he said. Do I look like I’m foaming at the mouth?”
He knew dinos in the audience would go bonkers if he did. The Tyrumposaurus looked out over the crowd of his unwashed, unfathoming faithful at this hastily called rally in Michigonia at Lansing-Boils. All the experts said he absolutely, positively should NOT be holding this rally in the middle of the Coronavirus outbreak. But it was an itch he simply HAD to scratch. He’d gone weeks without mass adulation. Pandemic be damned. He was just getting started.
“Foaming at the mouth. I think I’d look okay foaming at the mouth. … Then there’s the dino mayor, the Billdeblasio. He accused me of waiting for Manhattinhand to drop dead. I used to live in Manhattinhand. Nobody’s going to drop dead. Some dinos are going to get a little sick. A few may drop dead. Just a few. But hey, what is the governor going to do about it? I don’t talk to mayors. Okay, I talk to them. But I don’t listen. The Andrewcuomo, he needs to be nice to me. Maybe then I’ll be nice to him.”
“And the Fridaghitis. Poor, poor Fridaghitis. She can’t help herself with the fake news. What did she say, you ask? I’ll tell you. We’ve got all night. I want to get Dino Nation life back to normal, get out of our caves. She accused me of undercutting the guidelines I put in place yesterday with the dino health experts. That I was contradicting my own guidance and undercutting — there’s that word again, such a cruel, nasty word — that I was undercutting the credibility of the entire mitigation effort. Blaming me for telling dinos it was safe to ignore the stay-in-your-cave order, blaming me for more dino deaths to come. Who, me? Please.”
“Wait, there’s more. Frida was having a field day with the fake news. Ol’ Fake News Field Day Frida. She said I was calling for disobedience during a most unstable time, was how she put it. Look. I’m standing right here. I ask you, how can you have an unstable time with a stable genius like me? You can’t. She says you dinos are angry and frustrated and that violence is looming. O-o-o-o-o-h. Looming. Scary stuff. … Well, guess what. I don’t see anger and frustration. I see thousands of …” the T-Rump sighed, “… peaceful dinos. Peaceful dinos like swans in a placid lagoon. It’s the Donkeykongrus dinos who are raving, extreme lunatics.”
“Just like Fake News Field Day Frida … she finished her fake news by saying that I was inciting you and that once you acted, I wouldn’t be able to rein you in. Emotions running high and all. No guarantees that I could control you. Well, guess what. I don’t control you. You’re responsible dinos able to make your own decisions. I understand that depends on what day you’re listening to me. New day. New decision. My decision. Your decision. There’s a link in there somewhere. A tiny link. But don’t just take my word for it. Would you like some real news?”
The resulting dino roar shook the jungle to its damp, soggy roots.
“The Lauraingraham — bless her heart — she said it’s time to get your freedom back. And the Jeaninepirro, the great judge who likes to lock bad Donkeykongrus dinos up, she said that the Dino Nation spirit is too strong, that the Dino Nation is not going to take it. She also said that protests like the one we’re having here, they may spread across Dino Nation. Now before the fake news Mediacircustops go crazy, let me just remind everyone, it’s not my fault. Who am I to stop you? So in closing, you’re just going to have to do what’s best for you. And me. Remember November? Of course you do. So I have a little song for you to help, uh … steer you in the right direction. A cool direction since the gang’s all here. Like my Trollertweeties flying overhead this week. Just an opinion. Complete with lyrics. And a beat.”
Yahoo!
This is your liberation
Yahoo!
This is your liberation
Liberate, showtime, come on!
Let’s liberate
Liberate full-time, come on!
Let’s liberate
There’s Michigan right here beside us
A liberation to last through the virus
So bring Minnesota and Virginia too
We gonna get them in our back-to-work coup
Come on now, liberation
Let’s all liberate, I say it’s high time
Liberation
We gonna liberate, and build me a shrine
It’s time to divide an’ conquer
It’s up to you, blame the gov’nor
Everyone get somethin’ to hurl, come on!
Yahoo!
It’s a liberation
Yahoo!
Liberate your dime, come on!
It’s a liberation
Liberate my dime, come on!
Let’s liberate
There’s Michigan right here beside us
A liberation to last through the virus
So bring Minnesota and Virginia too
We gonna get them in our back-to-work coup
Come on now, liberation
Let’s all liberate because it’s high time
Liberation
We gonna liberate because it’s high time
It’s time to divide an’ conquer
It’s up to you, blame the gov’nor
Everyone get somethin’ to hurl, come on!
Yahoo!
It’s a liberation
Yahoo!
It’s a liberation
Liberate some crime, come on!
Let’s liberate, come on now
Liberate, it’s fine, come on!
Let’s liberate
We’re gonna fight the Corona fight
Let’s liberate, it’s our right
You’re gonna maybe get sick tonight
Let’s liberate, it’s our right, baby
We’re gonna fight the Corona fight
Let’s liberate, it’s our right
You’re gonna maybe get sick tonight
Let’s liberate, it’s our right
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Liberate, showtime, come on!
Let’s liberate
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 