https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ndea3-b636d8
Today’s double-feature includes:
Day 886–Shaming of the Two … A Shakespearean take on the Seanhannity-Manaforta dialogue.
Day 890–T-Rump’s Debate … Feeling left out? Have your own!
Branches snapped and wildlife scattered. The Joshrogin dino, Sub Family of the Washingtonpostian, was chasing down a big story. He traipsed through the underbrush, pausing to sniff, then doggedly continuing along, breaking trail as only a Washingtonpostian could. While the Tyrumposaurus’ time in the Oval Dwelling guaranteed a daily crisis or a weekly earthquake event, this was a dino nation colossal calamity he was bent on uncovering. It connected on seedier, more sinister levels — than even a hike to the top of the T-Rump Dump luxury caves.
The dots the Joshrogin had connected thus far were not fake news or a hoax or T-Rump harassment. There was the Andreathompson, that is, the under secretary dino of state for short arms attack and international security affairs, having her wedding to the Aussie-Barbieshrimp dino, the Davidgillian officiated by the Grandoldparty dino, the Paulerickson. The same Paulerickson who was bungling in the jungle with the recently convicted Russodino spy, the Mariabutina.
But dot-connecting was for spotted dinosaurs, the Joshrogin was looking for that piece of evidence that could topple a dino dynasty. He stopped on the beach of Spoonsoon Lagoon and scratched his noggin. Now where would a dino hide footprints in the sand from her wedding day?
Aha! Of course. The Joshrogin peeled back the long, low-hanging, Honeysuckle branch of the Honeymoon Tree. The footprints were two years old but the special day’s moments had been perfectly preserved in the Honeysuckle shade. The unmistakably lady-like footprints from the Andreathompson read …
What a day. What a simply incredible day. You never know how your wedding day will turn out. You lie awake at night worrying about every last little detail. From the edible flowers to the guest list, you can only hope and pray things go according to plan. But it was perfect. Because, when it comes right down to it, what happens happens. So you leave it to fate. Yet you know in your heart there’s one dino who’s joining you that day. The dino that’s showing up just for you. Only you. And that dino was … Maria. I was so impressed with her.
From the moment she arrived on Paul’s arm, she came right over to me. I still remember her freckled red-skinned frame bouncing across the lagoon to visit with me. She had that fun, carefree look in her eye and that oh-so sweet, innocent face. And that knowing look, that almost sly smile, the kind that exudes confidence, so much so you feel compelled to let your guard down. And so help me, I did. Her kind, generous nature made me completely forget the 100,000 moolah-moolah leaves that our marriage official Paul had stolen from David. I mean, Paul officiating our wedding was the least he could do. If things don’t work out with David, he owes me at least three more.
But back to Maria. Sigh. My Maria. She was the most curious dino. She wanted to know all about me! Such interest! She played my emotions like, well, like I wish David would. We shared our secrets like two teenage dinos crunching, munching through a pair of Chocolatotops. She told me about the work she’d been doing with the Gunsandmoregunz dinos. After dinner, she even taught me a few Russodino words. She said they might come in handy later. I had no idea she was a Russodino! Who knew?
She asked me about my boss and his boss and on and on. She wanted to meet all of them. What ambition! I told her I’d see what I could do. After all, she’s not a Donkeykongrus, so I promised her transparency. You should’ve seen her face. She was so happy, she began crying. And since the day already had me so emotional … hey, it’s my wedding and I’ll cry if I want to!
After we wiped our happy tears away, things got a little strange. Like intriguing. In a good way. She began saying things like counter intelligence and asking me if I’d like to speak with dinos in the Putinodon’s inner circle, under the pretense of eventually speaking with him. It all sounded very exciting. She spoke very highly of him, making him sound like a really nice dino, a dino worth knowing.
It was then I could sense a little voice in the back of my head speaking up. Like that feeling you get when you’re downwind from a starving Stegosaurus? Or maybe just the anxiety of the upcoming conjugal jungle bungle with David kicking in.
Finally, capping the end to this wonderful day, Maria said she and the Paulerickson had to be on their way. She winked at me and told me this day would be our little secret. I said of course. She told me she wanted to keep in touch. Be still, my pounding heart. I promised her I would!
The dino judge, the Emmetsullivan, squatted upon his judicial bedrock. It was Monday morning. Following a nice, leisurely weekend dining on Denversaurus sandwiches in Hell Creek, it was back to work. First up on the docket was the matter of the Flynnhasbeen sentencing. The court case was over. The former dino national security adviser had plead guilty to lying to the Muellersavus.
The Friday deadline had come and gone, when the prosecutor for the DOJ — Dinos Open Jawed — was to provide information on three key elements to the Flynnhasbeen’s case before the Emmetsullivan would proceed with sentencing. The dino judge had left his court cave early Friday afternoon before close of biz due to the high demand for Denversaurus sandwiches. He peered out at the DOJ prosecutor, the Brandonvangrack and motioned for him to approach the rocky bench.
“What do you have for me?” asked the Emmetsullivan, his brow at the ready to furrow.
“We’re delivering footprints in the sand of the conversation the Dowderpuff had with the Flynnhasbeen’s legal dino. The Dowderpuff basically threatened the legal dino to spill the beans on what the Flynnhasbeen told the Muellersavus … if the Flynnhasbeen wanted to remain in the T-Rump’s good graces. I suppose one might call it obstruction of justice.”
“And?”
“What do you mean ‘and’?”
“You had a Friday deadline to produce three items. I see only one. Can you count?”
No response.
“Did your little dino doggy eat your homework?”
The Brandonvangrack gulped, then feigned surprise.
“O-o-o-o-h! You mean the unsmudged footprints in the sand of the Muellersavus’ report pertaining to the Flynnhasbeen.”
“And?”
“Are you talking about the public release of footprints in the sand of what the Flynnhasbeen said in conversations with the Russodino, the Sergeykislyak?”
“Right on both counts. Where, pray tell, are they?”
“Oh. Well, you see, we at the DOJ decided they were, um … irrelevant.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t believe I heard you correctly. Did you say Irrelevant?”
“Yes, your honor.”
The Emmetsullivan’s eyes narrowed.
“Do you know who I am?”
“A, uh … Milkanhoney Preservation district dino judge?”
“And I am looking at …”
“A lowly Dinos Open Jawed prosecutor looking to move up a notch on the legal dino ladder by licking the feet of the attorney dino general and T-Rump’s most significant suck-up, the Williambarr.”
“Precisely. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t ask for this information or tell you that, ahem … if you could find it in the goodness of your heart, would you so mind providing me with this. Counsel, it was an ORDER!”
The roar from the judge knocked the Brandonvangrack off his feet, sending him crashing against the cave wall, leaving a mark forever known as the Brandonvan Crack. For now, the legal dino picked himself up off the ground.
“Oh, yes. Heh-heh. Well, since you put it that way. … Perhaps now would be a good time to share the legal argument we spent 20 minutes working on but billed 20 hours for, so the Williambarr and the T-Rump wouldn’t know we spend most of the day scratching our nether regions.”
“Perhaps,” the Emmetsullivan said with a yawn.
“Here goes … The T-Rump government represents that it is not relying on any other conversations, of any dinosaur, for purposes of establishing the defendant’s guilt or determining his sentence, nor are there other conversations that are part of the sentencing record. Uh, like I said before, this is irrelevant.”
“If you say that word one more time, I will find you in contemptible, blatant stupidity.”
“Yes, your honor.”
“Now then, perhaps you missed the first day of legal dino school. It clearly states in the dino code under factors for determining sentencing in section 3553, sub-section A: the nature and circumstances of the offense and the history and characteristics of the defendant. Does that or does that not sound relevant to the Flynnhasbeen’s offense?”
“Okay, you got me. The Williambarr told me to tell you he has a problem with the interpretation of that line.”
“Oh he does, does he?”
“Yes. He said nature, circumstances, history, and characteristics are all pretty vague terms. He also said the Muellersavus never said boo about them.”
“This has nothing to do with the Muellersavus!”
The Emmetsullivan was hyperventilating but it felt good. Anything to shake up the Milkanhoney Preservation.
The dino judge’s eyeballs drilled a hole through the DOJ prosecutor.
“I know what you’re trying to do. You want to delay my court, don’t you?”
“Is it that obvious? Now I’m embarrassed. Court cases by definition drag on forever.”
“Not in my cave. I’m going to fast track this so fast you’ll be breaking bones with the Brettkavanaugh this afternoon.”
“Could, um … you just find me in contempt instead?”
“I’m warning you, counsel. Don’t mock me,” the dino judge growled.
“I’m not, your honor. That glare you just drilled into my brain … well, I must confess, I’ve seen the light. I’ve had my Michaelcohen moment. I – I miss working for the Muellersavus. I really do. I miss the respect, the integrity, the – the common sense. If you find me in contempt, I may lose my career as a legal dino but at least I can sleep at night. I’m tired of this assault on our institutions. You know, the assault the Williambarr says isn’t happening?”
The Emmetsullivan’s hard face softened.
“Well, you’re no Emmetflood — he exited stage left rather gracefully … but maybe I can help you.”
“Please.”
The dino judge locked eyes with him.
“I know you’re better than this. No former Muellersavus legal dino deserves this fate. You need to recuse yourself from this case because of a conflict of interest.”
“With the Flynnhasbeen?”
“No. With the Williambarr. His obvious politically motivated interference comes straight from the Oval Dwelling. This clash of the separation of powers is unprecedented. We are on the very cusp of a Continental Footprint Crisis!”
“Meaning?”
“Don’t you see? The DOJ is choking the system. An impeachment case against the Williambarr can only be a week or two away. Meanwhile, you go tell the attorney dino general that in addition to the two aforementioned items, I’ll be needing one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“His resignation.”
“Can you do that?”
The dino judge shrugged.
“Why not? The Williambarr has been making up the rules as he goes along. My truth and justice ultimately lies in the real court. The court of public opinion.”
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-r6a27-b3244f
Discover The T-Rump Dig … (Established Day #163–July 2, 2017) … The longest-running, Trump-as-dinosaur chronicle. 700+ traumatic Trumpassic Period days explained in 200+ entries. Now as a podcast! … This week: Day 858–Sexism with Kellyanne … The Dino Nation learns from the master … and … Day 862–On Golden Pond … Will the Nancypelosi dive into the waters of Impeachment?
Slurp. Slurp. Lick. Lick. Slurp. Lick.
Tongues wagged, saliva dripped and the mass exfoliation continued upon the Tyrumposaurus’ soiled, stinky feet. It was the daily foot-licking session in the Oval Dwelling. The Stephenmillerus, the Mickmulvaney, the Linseygraham, the Jimjordan and the Markmeadows were all in attendance, wet dino tongues at the ready.
The group was on it’s second go-around of the T-Rump’s left foot when another Grandoldparty dino’s shadow darkened the doorway.
“Hmmph,” said the T-Rump. “Justin-the-Amash. I know you’re not here to lick my feet.”
“No, I prefer washing by hand. I just wanted to let you all know … I’ve been to the mountain. And I have a dream. Oops. Sorry, wrong speech.”
The other dinos in the cave eyed him queerly. Justin-the-Amash was an Apostolic dino from the sacred Flakes-of-Kellogg region of Michigonia. They knew him to be the most conservative dino. He cleared his throat.
“I’ve come back from Mount Sigh’n Cry. I’ve seen the footprints! The 10 Muellersavus footprints. I went over them for 40 days and 40 nights. That’s four days per footprint. Have any of you even spent one second looking at one footprint?”
There were uncomfortable coughs followed by obligatory mumbling and yammering all around. The other dinos stared off into different corners of the cave, unable to look their visitor in the face. All except for the T-Rump of course.
“I am very, very proud that I can’t, I mean … don’t read.” He frowned. “You’ve got everybody’s attention now. Go ahead, tell us what you saw.”
Justin-the-Amash became starry, glassy and wide-eyed all at the same time. His long tail was ramrod straight. Indeed, he appeared to be having a religious experience.
“It was a revelation. A revelation I must finally shout long and loud to the masses. First, the epistolary …”
“The what?” asked the T-Rump.
“Footprints in the sand,” the Stephenmillerus said, leaning towards his boss. Justin-the-Amash stared down the T-Rump.
“There are ten, count’em, TEN examples of you obstructing justice.”
The other dinos withdrew in shock, like they’d just had a short arm bitten off. This couldn’t be happening. Sure, Justin-the-Amash had been a regular critic of the T-Rump but … This. Was. Huge.
“It is clear the Williambarr intended to hoodwink the dinos about the Muellersavus’ analysis and findings. The Williambarr’s misrepresentations were significant but often subtle, sleight-of-hand qualifications or logical fallacies which he hoped dinos wouldn’t notice.”
Each word from Justin-the-Amash was like a poke in the ribs to his stunned audience. It would get worse. The Mickmulvaney had already curled into the fetal position.
“The T-Rump’s conduct has violated the public trust. He has engaged in specific actions and has shown a pattern of behavior for high crimes and misdemeanors. A crime does not have to be committed. The requirement is only to find that an official dino has engaged in careless, abusive, corrupt, or otherwise dishonorable conduct. But allow me to continue with my revelation.”
The other dinos leaned forward with rapt attention. Grandoldparty dinos were always up for a good revelation. Two years of half-baked strategies, hail-mary passes and abrupt stonewalling had sapped their imaginations. Justin-the-Amash’s eyes gathered in his audience.
“Dinos, if this behavior from the T-Rump continues, we’re talking about the Apocalypse. That’s right. Dino extinction.”
The dinos shuddered. The Mickmulvaney pulled his hand from his mouth.
“Mama.”
“Then there’s the prophetic.”
“Who’s pathetic?” asked the T-Rump.
“Prophetic. It begins with the Mitchgetbacktowork in the Kongrus Kave, reading a footprint in the sand to the Gang of Eight. He describes a series of prophetic visions. First there’s the Seven-Headed Subpoenasaurus. Then there’s the Serpent and the Beast. That’s you and the Williambarr. Finally, this culminates in …”
Justin-the-Amash stopped, fixing his gaze on the leader of the dino nation. The T-Rump looked around the room.
“Would someone puh-lease tell me what the hell he’s talking about?”
Even the Stephenmillerus couldn’t bring himself to say the word. The other dinos had long since buried their heads. The Mickmulvaney was reduced to whimpering lullabies his mother taught him.
“T-Rump,” said Justin-the-Amash. “You have engaged in impeachable conduct. Impeachable. Need I remind you, our Continental Footprint is brilliant and awesome; it deserves a dino leader to match it.”
The T-Rump jumped from his squat.
“Impeachment!? Justin-the-Amash, I was never a fan of you. You’re a total lightweight. A loser!”
“Are you even listening? No, of course not. That’s why I’m making a stand right here. Right now. Who’s with me?”
He looked around the cave at the other dinos cowering in silence. Just then the Huckabeecyclops burst into the Oval Dwelling.
“What is it, Huckabee?” asked the T-Rump. “I told you we’d celebrate 10 weeks without a Mediacircustops briefing later.”
“It’s that damn Newyorktimesian dino again.”
“What fake news now?”
“They’re saying five dinos claim you and the Kushneratops engaged in suspicious activity with moolah-moolah leaves on the banks of the River Deutsche. Also, that the Kushneratops sent moolah-moolah to the Russodinos. Can you believe it? Don’t worry, boss. If they catch me outside the Oval Dwelling, I’ll make like I’m going to eat them, then deny everything.”
She turned and stomped out of the cave. The T-Rump and his followers lowered their heads somewhere between grief and consternation. Justin-the-Amash rose to leave.
“Well, my mind’s made up. You can come with me … or stay and discuss all those other investigations. How many are there now … 20?”
Justin-the-Amash left the Grandoldparty group, their tails planted firmly between their legs. He would be the first. One for truth. One for justice. One for the exodus.
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jqy2c-b1a729
This week’s double-feature includes: Day 844–Be Worst … The Tymelania has it out with the Tyrumposaurus … and Day 848–Watergate? Just Wait! … The T-Rump’s legal dinos battle a district dino judge.
“You want to run that by me again?”
Milkanhoney Preservation District Dino Judge, the Amitmehta, stared down from his lofty, rocky perch at the T-Rump legal dino, the Williamconsovoy.
“Certainly, your long-tailedness. You see, we simply can’t have those dastardly Donkeykongrus dinos peeking at the moolah-moolah leaves of the T-Rump. It’s an assault on his privacy, his trustworthiness and — this is paramount — his marketing image.”
“But they are an oversight committee.”
“I suggest they send their sights over there,” the legal dino said, pointing flippantly off to the side. “Anywhere but in the T-Rump’s business.”
“So …” the judge paused, his eyeballs burrowing into his skull, “you’re saying the T-Rump’s moolah-moolah is not subject to investigation?”
“Yep.”
“The Kongrus Kave can’t verify the accuracy of the T-Rump’s statements about his moolah-moolah?”
“Never. Ever.”
“Riddle me this, then,” said the Amitmehta. “If the T-Rump was involved in some corrupt goings-on, you mean to tell me because he’s the leader of the Milkanhoney Preservation, the Kongrus Kave would not have power to investigate?”
“That’s pretty much about it. It’s, ahem … not pursuant to it’s legislative agenda. Not purr-soo-ant.”
He said the words like they were a get out of jail card.
“Well then,” said the judge. “Why don’t we take a peek at a wee fly in the ointment called legal precedent? Like, perhaps the Watergate Strait? I’m specifically speaking of whether or not the Trickydickeroo’s corrupt goings-on should’ve been shielded from the Kongrus Kave’s scrutiny. Well? Should it?”
Beads of sweat rolled down the Williamconsovoy’s face. This was a glaring symptom of what would come to be known as ASS. Acute Sycophant Syndrome. How far was the Williamconsovoy willing to go for the T-Rump?
“Ahem, well .. uh … you see … uh … I guess I’d have to um, look at some, uh … more specific questions … (cough, cough) … surrounding that controversy.”
“Objection!”
It was the Rudygiuliani, rising from his squat behind the dino defense’s rocky bench. A shocked Williamconsovoy turned to him.
“Objection? We’re on the same team.”
“He’s got you on the ropes, Willy boy. Time for me to take over.”
The Rudygiuliani looked up, squinted, his eyes finally finding the judge.
“Your long-tailedness. This Watergate Strait thing. I’ve got to tell you, it was an out-and-out frame job of a cover-up of a media circus from the very start.”
“Oh?”
“Of course it was. You have five dinos nabbed in the Watergate Strait. A classic case of wrong place at the wrong time. Have you seen that maze of caves? Very, very easy to get lost.”
“How do you explain the slush fund these dinos were paid from? That was moolah-moolah earmarked for the Trickydickeroo’s next battle campaign.”
“Canvassing, Judge. They were simply canvassing.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“Why not? I myself have several neighbours who are nocturnal.”
“Apparently I need to remind you that 48 dinos were found guilty during the Watergate Strait scandal.”
“48? Well, there you go. We only have 34 on the hook so far. No comparison, judge. Apples and oranges.”
The dino judge Amitmehta’s scowl simmered on high.
“Should we have just let the Trickydickeroo do as he pleased, like the Saturday Night Massacre?”
“Okay, granted. That got a little out of hand. But, c’mon. We’ve all had the munchies, right?”
“What about the Smockinggun?”
You could hear a pin drop. The Williamconsovoy sighed. This was it. They’d finally gone too far. The jig was up. There was no stopping Rudy however.
“Smockinggun? The tapeworms? Another misunderstanding.”
“No Smockinggun?”
“No sirree. That was indigestion.”
“I don’t follow.”
“It’s simple. The dinos of the Milkanhoney Preservation were simply not ready to digest what the Trickydickeroo said. Give them time. 45 years later, now they’re ready.”
“But the cover-up. The impeachment.”
“Ah, yes. The “I” word. The Donkeykongrus is not saying that now because they know the groundswell of support it would give the T-Rump.”
The incredulous judge could only shake his head.
“I have a good mind to ask you to provide a character witness this minute to assure me you’re not criminally insane.”
The Rudygiuliani smirked, turning to the dino audience of the court cave, giving them a full profile of his false bravado. His eyebrows rose however, as his gaze found the Flynnhasbeen.
“Mike! So good to see you. You heard the judge. Care to say a few words?”
“Rudy! No!” hissed the Williamconsovoy. But it was too late. The Flynnhasbeen rose from his squat. He wasn’t smiling. For the first time since planning, then quickly canceling a trip to Ukrainia the week before, the Rudygiuliani appeared nervous.
“Rudy,” said the Flynnhasbeen. “I’m not sure I can find the right words–”
“Okay, okay. Right you are. Tell him — tell him about the T-Rump legal team then.”
“Oh, well. Actually, I already have. I helped the Muellersavus for months. I told him how the T-Rump’s legal dino, the Dowderpuff, threatened me, obstructing justice, believe it or not. The Muellersavus is believing it. I have the footprints in the sand to prove it. Verbatim.”
“Objection!”
It was the Williamconsovoy’s turn to erupt from his squat.
“Your long-tailedness, I’d like to claim executive privilege on what was just said. Just those last couple of sentences. Puh-lease strike them from the record. ”
A curt, condescending smile spread wide on the judge’s lips.
“Sorry. Too late. Ahem. I’ve had about all the legal blather, bluster and b.s. I can stand for one day. Dino court is adjourned.”
He rose and hammered his tail on the flat rock before him.
The Rudygiuliani went googly-eyed while the Williamconsovoy raised a short arm.
“Your long-tailedness, you can’t go. What are we gonna do? We can’t go back to the T-Rump. He’ll destroy us.”
The dino judge paused, turning to them.
“I hear the Walmartarus is hiring. As greeters, it’s pretty hard to screw up hello and goodbye, but I know you’ll try.”
“Donald!”
The Tyrumposaurus cocked an ear and frowned. Damn. It was the Tymelania. He swallowed the rest of his Dietcoker and trudged to the doorway of the Oval Dwelling.
“May I come in?” she asked.
“What do you want?”
“I’m your wife, remember?”
“Your point?”
Her alluring gaze heated instantly to one of scorched-earth policy if he didn’t grant her entrance. He gulped and motioned her in. Three marriages later, some things managed to stick to his walnut. The dino couple found opposing rocks to squat on. Initial goal accomplished, she softened her glare.
“It is Year Two of Be Best.”
“Not really. It’s Year Three of Me.”
“Donald, the lady dinos. They are afraid of being Hillary’d.” She sighed. “They don’t know what it is to be Melania’d.”
“Hey, I brought your parents over, didn’t I? I had to use some major clout. Or have you already forgotten that I’m keeping every other dino out?”
The shocked Tymelania struggled for words.
“Your … your mother-in-law.”
“Please. You’re winning my argument.”
She steeled herself.
“Donald. You be best.”
“I already am.”
“Are you? The Rudygiuliani said he will go to Ukrainia to find dirt on Joebiden. One day later, he changes mind. He blames dinosaur he can’t name. Rudy is lousy liar. This is best?”
“Rudy is a great liar, the best personal legal dino I could find.”
“Then you are mad at Iranasaurus. But you tell Swisscheese dinos to tell Iranasaurus to call you when it is time to talk. You wait for Iranasaurus to call Swisscheese? Are you dino or little doggy? That is not best.”
“Are you done yet?”
“No. No. No. Blanket no. That is you to Donkeykongrus. What is that? Nothing done. Nothing. Nothing is best?”
“It is when it buys me time until the November battle next year. That’s all I care about.”
“I see crack, Donald. Big crack.”
“Well, this is my birthday suit.”
“No. Crack in your dino followers. Richardburr sent subpoenasaurus after your own son.”
“Thanks for reminding me. The Richardburr’s career is over. I will ruin him!”
Normally the T-Rump would lash out with his tail, carving another large groove in the wall. But he had long since tired of trying to impress his wife. She knew him for the grifter dino he was.
“And Larrykudlow.” She almost grinned as she said this.
“Larry? What about Larry?”
“You send big Tariffraptor to attack Xijinping and Chopstickchowmein.”
“Of course I did. They’ve been kicking us around the Red Square Trade Block for years. They will pay for what they’ve done.”
“Larry said the Milkanhoney Preservation dinos will pay.”
“He did?”
She smiled sweetly at him.
“Richardburr be best. Larrykudlow be best. Maybe I find other dino be best.”
A look of horror crossed the T-Rump’s face. Without the Tymelania, he was most certainly a Lame Duckbill dino. He threw himself at her dry, scaly feet.
“Don’t leave me! Please! I blame it all on the Nancypelosi. It’s all her fault. She said I was trying to goad the Donkeykongrus into impeaching me. She’s right! She’s in my head. She knows every thought I think! She scares the hell outta me, Melania. She’s killing me. Please stay with me, sweetheart. Please don’t go. I need you.”
The Tymelania pursed her wide-mouthed lips, considering her options.
“Give me one good reason why I should stay.”
“Uh, so I look good in front of the Mediacircustops?”
“We can’t trust him! We can’t.”
The T-Rump glared at the sorry lot of sycophants before him.
“He is a legal dino,” offered the Stephenmillerus.
“And he liked you. Once,” said the Mickmulvaney.
“You just watch,” said the T-Rump. “When he gets in front of the Jerrynadler’s Kongrus Kave committee, he’s gonna sing like a canary!”
He was speaking of course of the Donmcgahn, former dino counsel for the Oval Dwelling, who after a hop and a skip through a day and a week eventually found himself before the Jerrynadler and said committee. The T-Rump and the T-Rump Jr. lurked in the shadows out of sight, a most natural instinct for predatory dinosaurs.
The Donmcgahn addressed the dino chair.
“Before I begin, in framing my response, I thought I might better capture the spirit of the evidence I’m about to give. Therefore, I have a special request.”
“What is it?”
“Would it be okay if I sing?”
“I knew it!” hissed the T-Rump.
The Jerrynadler squinted back at the Donmcgahn.
“I guess that would be okay. We do have several items we’d like to discuss–”
And with that the Donmcgahn rose from his squat and began singing.
“In the first case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
To the Inaugural Party.
In the second case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the third case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the fourth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
For witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the fifth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the sixth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the seventh case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the eighth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Ain’t great money launderers, seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the ninth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Nine thousand lies and counting, ain’t great money launderers, seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the tenth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Ten years to lose one billion, nine thousand lies and counting, ain’t great money launderers, seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the eleventh case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Eleven plus nineteen mil from N-R-A, ten years to lose one billion, nine thousand lies and counting, ain’t great money launderers, seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
In the twelfth case of T-Rump’s mess, the judge will say, Guilty!
Dozens of illegals on staff, eleven plus nineteen mil from N-R-A, ten years to lose one billion, nine thousand lies and counting, ain’t great money launderers, seven times four security clearances, 666 Saudi bail-out, five golden showers–I mean emoluments, for witness tampering, thee Deutsche Bank, two hush payments and the Inaugural Party.
The Donmcgahn bowed to the committee and returned to his squat. The Kongrus Kave rose as one, applauding heartily, their short arms flapping away. The T-Rump Jr. hopped out of the shadows.
“Oh, yeah? Well, two can play that game. You want me to sing, dad? Let me sing. I’ll show’em.”
David Belisle