Satire The T-Rump Dig

Be Worst …


The Tyrumposaurus cocked an ear and frowned. Damn. It was the Tymelania. He swallowed the rest of his Dietcoker and trudged to the doorway of the Oval Dwelling.

“May I come in?” she asked.

“What do you want?”

“I’m your wife, remember?”

“Your point?”

Her alluring gaze heated instantly to one of scorched-earth policy if he didn’t grant her entrance. He gulped and motioned her in. Three marriages later, some things managed to stick to his walnut. The dino couple found opposing rocks to squat on. Initial goal accomplished, she softened her glare.

“It is Year Two of Be Best.”

“Not really. It’s Year Three of Me.”

“Donald, the lady dinos. They are afraid of being Hillary’d.” She sighed. “They don’t know what it is to be Melania’d.”

“Hey, I brought your parents over, didn’t I? I had to use some major clout. Or have you already forgotten that I’m keeping every other dino out?”

The shocked Tymelania struggled for words.

“Your … your mother-in-law.”

“Please. You’re winning my argument.”

She steeled herself.

“Donald. You be best.”

“I already am.”

“Are you? The Rudygiuliani said he will go to Ukrainia to find dirt on Joebiden. One day later, he changes mind. He blames dinosaur he can’t name. Rudy is lousy liar. This is best?”

“Rudy is a great liar, the best personal legal dino I could find.”

“Then you are mad at Iranasaurus. But you tell Swisscheese dinos to tell Iranasaurus to call you when it is time to talk. You wait for Iranasaurus to call Swisscheese? Are you dino or little doggy? That is not best.”

“Are you done yet?”

“No. No. No. Blanket no. That is you to Donkeykongrus. What is that? Nothing done. Nothing. Nothing is best?”

“It is when it buys me time until the November battle next year. That’s all I care about.”

“I see crack, Donald. Big crack.”

“Well, this is my birthday suit.”

“No. Crack in your dino followers. Richardburr sent subpoenasaurus after your own son.”

Thanks for reminding me. The Richardburr’s career is over. I will ruin him!”

Normally the T-Rump would lash out with his tail, carving another large groove in the wall. But he had long since tired of trying to impress his wife. She knew him for the grifter dino he was.

“And Larrykudlow.” She almost grinned as she said this.

“Larry? What about Larry?”

“You send big Tariffraptor to attack Xijinping and Chopstickchowmein.”

“Of course I did. They’ve been kicking us around the Red Square Trade Block for years. They will pay for what they’ve done.”

“Larry said the Milkanhoney Preservation dinos will pay.”

“He did?”

She smiled sweetly at him.

“Richardburr be best. Larrykudlow be best. Maybe I find other dino be best.”

A look of horror crossed the T-Rump’s face. Without the Tymelania, he was most certainly a Lame Duckbill dino. He threw himself at her dry, scaly feet.

“Don’t leave me! Please! I blame it all on the Nancypelosi. It’s all her fault. She said I was trying to goad the Donkeykongrus into impeaching me. She’s right! She’s in my head. She knows every thought I think! She scares the hell outta me, Melania. She’s killing me. Please stay with me, sweetheart. Please don’t go. I need you.”

The Tymelania pursed her wide-mouthed lips, considering her options.

“Give me one good reason why I should stay.”

“Uh, so I look good in front of the Mediacircustops?”

Book News Satire

The Trumpassic Period — Year Two

That’s right, Martha. Apparently one year wasn’t enough.

The Tyrumposaurus continues to call the shots from his Oval Dwelling digs, running rough-shod over the Milkanhoney Preservation. The same dino nation he took the Oath of the Nether Regions to serve and protect. If it’s not the Great Tex-Mex Divide one day, it’s throwing his Langleyops under the Preibusunderbus the next, all with his exasperating exaltation of the Putinodon far, far away in the Moscovian Bluffs.

Somewhere a prehistoric clock is ticking. Is that a meteor approaching or more fallout from the Muellersavus investigation? The Mediacircustops can’t wait to ask the Huckabeecyclops.

It’s all here. The T-Rump’s second traumatic year, tail lash by tail lash.

The 392-page T-Rump tome was released Feb. 22nd. Now available on Amazon for $2.99. Order today!