https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-hzc3m-ed449d
On tap this week, a T-Rump two-fer: Day 1341 — “We Miss You” … The shock and awe of a Moscowmitch power trip … and Day 1345 — “It’s Time to Resign” … A senior Donkeykongrus has a message for Grandoldparty dinos. … Dino tail wags to Peter Frampton and Triumph.
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jke6y-ec4290
This week’s T-Rump Dig rock collection features … Day 1334 — “Changes” … The Tyrumposaurus can relate with the Davidbowie dino … and Day 1338 — “Mr. Caputo” … The Stegastyx dinos are the feature entertainment at the latest T-Rump rally. … Kudos to David Bowie and Styx for musical inspiration.
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-8zbtv-eb4a43
This week’s T-Rump Dig double-shot includes: Day 1327 — “Scorn for All Those Who Gave” … The T-Rump dumps on Dino Nation vets … and Day 1331 — “In the Air All Right” … The Bobwoodward catches the T-Rump in a devastating, tragic lie. … Kudos to Bruce Springsteen and Phil Collins for the stream of conscious thought.
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wmijd-ea5a36
This week’s T-Rump double-shot features: Day 1320 — “Tunnel Vision” … When all hell breaks loose, where are the Militarysaurae? … and Day 1324 — “Two Votes for Me Ain’t Bad” … The T-Rump’s latest plan to win the November battle. … Dino tail wags to Foreigner and Meat Loaf.
“Gidley! Any luck?”
An exasperated, red-faced Markmeadows wiped his brow. They’d lost track of the Tyrumposaurus. Again. The Hogangidley appeared from behind a bush.
“No luck. He gave us the slip.”
“You have one job. One job! Because you don’t do much else around here. All you have to do is keep an eye on the T-Rump.”
“You better wake up and smell what you’re shoveling.”
“You’re not the Johnkennedy so knock off the down-home, grade six colloquialisms.”
“You have to stop peeing on my foot and telling me it’s raining.”
“Hogan!”
“Sorry.”
The Markmeadows kicked a rock in the path.
“Damn. The T-Rump has been really amped up lately. Sending out his Trollertweeties at all hours. Law and order. Threatening Sportland. Picking fights with the Joebiden and the Nancypelosi. Disrespecting our veteran dinos, calling them ‘losers.’ And there’s still 60 days to the November Battle. Why, oh why did I take this job?”
“I’ll take it. If you could, um … put in a good word for me?”
“No. That’s why I took this job.”
The two Grandoldparty dinos shook their heads and continued their search. Meanwhile, half a mile away, the T-Rump had finally found a group of dinos large enough to satisfy his ego. He counted 50 or so in the clearing, sure to mushroom to 500 in his mind in the following days.
“Hello, my favorite swamp dinos! Great to be here. No, I’m not going to say anything about the Russodinos. Just that no leader has been tougher than I’ve been with them. And there is no truth to the story that intelligence of the Russodinos trying to interfere in the big November battle was withheld. How can you possibly withhold fake news? It’s fake news of fake news. Sheesh! So let’s talk about voting. Yes, I know that great dino Louisdejoy streamlined the process to make things better. Much better. Quicker. On that note, I thought we might test the voting system itself. You know, see if it works. Why wait? Because choosing me as your leader should be easy, right?”
“Here’s what you do. No fuss, no muss. You get the unsolicited ballot. Or is it the absentee ballot? Same difference. You send it in. Then you go and make sure it’s counted, just to keep them busy. Make sure they’re doing their job. They gotta tabulate. That’s right. Don’t be late with the tabulate. But if it’s late, that’s great too. Because you get to vote again. I’m sure it’s okay. My guy, the Williambarr doesn’t know and if he doesn’t know, well … Trust me. That vote is going to count. Whichever one. If both do, well, that’s the Joebiden’s fault. Because he’s playing dirty politics. Every day. They all are. Dirty politics. You gotta check your vote. Because they won’t. Follow it through.”
Just then the Markmeadows and the Hogangidley arrived. They stared around at the gaping mouths before them of fifty stock still, shocked dinos.
“Damn!” the Markmeadows hissed under his breath. “We’re too late. He’s bamboozled them again.”
Even the T-Rump was taken aback somewhat by his speech.
“Okay, tell you what. I’ll make it easy for you to understand. I’m going to sing it. You’ll be able to remember it better. By November you’ll be humming it in your sleep.”
Maybe we can get this right
Cuz my election is nowhere
I told you every sin of Sleepy Biden
There’s nothing left outside of fear
And maybe you will die tonight
But that’ll never change the way that I feel
And Joe is really riling up their side
I wish he couldn’t make me leave here
My horde is near and my horde has clout
Joe lied to show you this is my nightmare
He’s for the birds and I’m your horse, no doubt
Cuz I’ve been bold for you, so strong
He’s making obstacles instead of cheers
So all I can do is keep on telling you
I want them, I need them
And there is a way that you can go vote again
You should be glad
Cuz two votes for me ain’t bad
You should be glad
Cuz two votes for me ain’t bad
You’ll never find ol’ Joe with a dandy speech
You’ll never call his words as bein’ pretty sweet
I know you’re looking at your duty in this pandemic pox
But that ain’t no scoop to thrill sittin’ on his bottom
In the rocker Joe rocks
I can’t lie, I can tell you that I’m something he’s not
No matter how he tries
He’ll only be able to give you nothing
Something that you’ve already got
Well, there’s only one goal that I have ever had
And that was to show my dad I know
How to take the family name and just blow it apart
He never loved me back
O-o-o-h, I know
I remember how she left me, that was Stormy’s night
She dissed me and then viewed me with dread
And though I pleaded and I begged her not to vote for that boor
She kicked my leg and said go away
So I keep on telling you
I keep on telling you
I keep on telling you
I want them, I need them
And there is a way that you can go vote again
You should be glad
Cuz two votes for me ain’t bad
I want them, I need them
So send it today and you can go vote again
You should be glad
Cuz two votes for me ain’t bad
You should be glad
Cuz two votes for me ain’t bad
Maybe we can get this right
Cuz my election is nowhere
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-e62k6-e957e5
This week’s T-Rump Traxx include: Day 1313 — “Send in the Clowns” … the Grandoldparty preps for the big show-down … and Day 1317 — “Summer of No Sunshine” … Donny Jr. and his main squeeze steal the show. … A big dino tail wag to Frank Sinatra and Bryan Adams.
“Good evening. I’m Wolfblitzer and I have breaking news because, unfortunately, these are the times we live in. The Jimacosta, the Andersoncooper and the Jaketapper join me as we set the stage here at the Andrewmelanoma Cavern for the Grandoldparty National Conference. First off, my heart goes out to the 175,000 plus dinos who have passed away from the Coronavirus because that is the last mention of this tragedy you will hear from the Tyrumposaurus and his followers. Jim, what can we expect tonight and for the next four days, barring the earth opening up and swallowing us all?”
“Thank you, Wolf. The T-Rump believes more of him is evidently better, so he will be speaking every night. That’s right. Every single night. Will he say the same thing? That would save us time, wouldn’t it? He’s calling himself the Talent in Chief. My sources are saying we are looking at a 4-day seminar in Acute Narcissism. Can he explain away the mess he has left in his wake over the past four years? Oh, wait, I just spotted the Marthamcsally. Let me get her thoughts on this.”
The Jimacosta moved into position.
“Martha, one moment, please. Jimacosta, Truth be Told Mediacircustops. What are you doing here?”
“What do you think, bozo? I see dinos. They have to eat. We all do. All I’m doing is asking them to starve themselves for two — three hours, tops! — and give me their moolah-moolah leaves instead. The Markkelly is killing me! By the way, did you eat yet?”
“Uh, no. Back to you, Wolf.”
“Thanks, Jim. That was truly disturbing, indeed. Anderson, the T-Rump camp has promised some break-out stars in their dino speaker line-up. I’m not sure if they meant breakout as in jail break, but perhaps we could do a quick recap of some of these speakers for our audience. I’ll give you the name and you give our audience a brief response. Word association, if you will, in the interests of time and my incredulity.”
“Be still my beating heart.”
“The Mincepencenow.”
“This is his warm-up for the Kamalaharris debate. She’ll win and she’s not even here.”
“The Tomcotton.”
“He thought buying Greenland was a good idea.”
“Good lord. The Nikkihaley.”
“What’s a nice girl like her … I’m sorry. The Mencepencenow is really sweating by now.”
“The Kellyanneconvixway, who just quit I might add.”
“Yes, funny, how a large audience and potential criminal charges weasel their way in. The Donkeykongrus scored another win and this isn’t even their conference.”
“The Rudygiuliani.”
“Bless his heart. The resolute rabbit hole diver taking a rare day off.”
“The Mccloskeysaurae from Saint-Louis-Phooey.”
“Wolf, let’s hope security is tight. We don’t want to see any dinos hurt.”
“No, of course we don’t. Next is the Nicholassandmann.”
“We only have his silent, grinning mug to go by. Perhaps he will give us a stirring tribute to our fine Indigenosaurae. Then again. Perhaps not.”
“Anderson, this is truly amazing. There are no less than six Tyrumposaurae on the schedule. Let’s start with Melania.”
“Let’s be serious, Wolf. She won’t be speaking. She doesn’t want to upstage her new rose garden.”
“A thorny issue there. Donald Jr.”
“According to him, the Donkeykongrus have fully embraced the Communistmanifesty dino species.”
“It certainly appears that way, doesn’t it? Let’s not forget Eric.”
“Next. I don’t traffic in Qanonymousarus theories.”
“Fair enough. And Tiffany?”
“Why is she even here?”
“Thank you for your valuable insight, Anderson. We are all smarter for it. Your thoughts, Jake? I noticed there is a melodic element traveling beneath my words. Yes, it is breaking news, everyone. The Jaketapper is going to sing.”
He isn’t rich
Can’t grow a pair
Speakers at last he has found
Are all hot air
Send in the clowns
This is death’s kiss
Who could approve?
Those who keep spreading around
The virus lies prove
They know no bounds
Send in the clowns
Can they be stopped? … Down on all fours
I pray the world might only hear their listeners’ snores
The new fascist right wing, a new vacant stare
Nothing is fine
No one is there
This is a farce
Let me be clear
If they’re all autistic savants
Then, then I won’t jeer
It’s all upside down
Send in the clowns
God help us, they’re here
He isn’t rich
But quick to smear
Turning to Loudobbs this late in his career
All falling down
These are his best clowns
Please be their last year
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ynpvq-e842e9
On tap this week, The T-Rump Dig features … Day 1306 — “DeJoy Should Be Hurled” … the Postalsaurae service is a mess! … and Day 1310 — “Another Crook in the Wall” … the authorities catch up with the Stevebannon of all dinos. … Big dino tail wags to Three Dog Night and Pink Floyd.
The Tyrumposaurus was on the warpath. Again.
“Dammit! They’ve got the Michelleobama, the Berniesanders and the Johnkasich speaking at their big convention. Who do we have? We have to be better. Bigger!”
“Well,” the Markmeadows began delicately as a parent might to a spoiled brat. “We have, uh … the feisty Ronnamcdaniel, and the Jimjordan is always looking very rabid. And don’t forget the stop-right-there Dougcollins. They always get the dinos riled up. Heh-heh.”
“B-o-o-o-o-r-i-n-g. We need something else. We have a lot of deflection to take care of with all this Louisdejoy backlash. I actually went ahead and admitted I’m slowing down the Postalsaurae services — because I can — and you’d think they were gone already. What is wrong with Dino Nation? Have they never heard of or seen the onset of tyranny before? I control the dinos. I control the shots. If they’re not willing to vote for me, then maybe we just shouldn’t have the vote.”
“I don’t know if I’d go that far, T-Rump. You’re making some of our own Grandoldparty dinos nervous.”
“Good. They should be. The Putinodon can get away with it. Why can’t I?”
The Markmeadows hemmed and hawed. These Russodino conversations before the November battle always made him nervous.
“What about entertainment? Who do we have? Tell me we have some pretty girl.”
“Not exactly. We have the Tednugent and the Kidrock. That’s the Kidrock and the Tednugent.”
“Just because you say them twice doesn’t mean we have four to choose from.”
“Uh, well … I’m afraid those are the only two dinos who want to sing for you and will do it for free. Every other dino wants to bite your head off for playing their music at your events.”
“Why is that? Look at the polls. I’m only 4 percent behind the Joebiden.”
“I – I don’t know what to say. Maybe those are polls your Russodino pals are …”
“Don’t you go there. I won four years ago fair and square. Just because I’ve talked to the Putinodon half a dozen times in the past month. Hah! You know what he told me?”
“What?”
“He said, you see what’s happening in Belarussy? That could be you next. Me! He was talking about me. It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? A large uprising needing the Ericprince’s little green dinos will have to come in to put to rest. Sportland and Chicagoland were just the warm-up. Think about it Mark, the Putinodon is going to help me win!”
“But you just said.”
“Forget what I said. I did. Anything to win, Mark. Anything. Remember that. Now then, my entertainment. Who’s my entertainment?”
The Markmeadows agonized, trying to squeeze blood from a stone.
“Well … let’s see … um, there’s this group of dinos, the uh … Threedognight species. Grizzled veterans. They can be controversial at times. Hoo-boy. They have this new remake of an oldie goldie. About the Louisdejoy?”
“Great guy. Haven’t even had to say I don’t know him yet. But you did say controversial. C’mon, now. That’s just the new word for misinformation. Let’s hear it.”
Louis was his latest lapdog
A toady with no spine
He raised alarms with everything he did
He put the post office in decline
And he said everything would be fine
Singin’ DeJoy should be hurled
Got to save the world now
DeJoy has issues that we all can see
DeJoy’s on a crime spree
If I could get your toes uncurled
Tell you what he’ll do
He’ll throw away the ballots, the boxes, the service
And blame it all on you
Sing it now, DeJoy should be hurled
Got to save the world
DeJoy has issues that we all can see
DeJoy’s on a crime spree
You know he lives in Hades
For all he has done
He’s a low-life shyster and a plain insider
About as subtle as Attila the Hun
I said as subtle as Attila the Hun
DeJoy should be hurled
Got to save the world
DeJoy has issues that we all can see
DeJoy’s on a crime spree
DeJoy should be hurled
Got to save the world
DeJoy has issues that we all can see
DeJoy’s on a crime spree
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle