Categories
Donald Trump Humor

The Long and Blinding Road …

The long throng of T-Rumpers, that is, dinos that would bite their tails off if it would please the Tyrumposaurus, slogged their way down the main path in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir. It was their 35th consecutive day of marching. Because marching helped ease their aggression. To a dino, they felt the outcome of the election had done them a grave, severe injustice. So severe, many of them had simply dropped everything, unable to contain their anger and all-consuming rage, unable to even focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Again, marching helped.

Which is how the Innocenti Bystanderus, or Inny for short, came to be mixed up in the mad, disconsolate and outright insulted multitude of dinos marching along, mumbling, grumbling and speaking their walnut minds. Inny was an introvert, a rare characteristic for a T-Rump follower, but Inny’s dino therapist recommended he get out of his cave and live a little. This was his 35th straight day as well. He was living a lot.

Inny’s legs were short for a dinosaur, which meant he was constantly being passed by other marching dinos, allowing him to catch snippets of their conversations, be it dialogue, monologue or aspersions flung aside. All part of the indoctrination he still struggled to comprehend. What was this new alternative mindset? He kept his head down as he took his small measured strides. His therapist had told him to never look a T-Rumper in the eye. They might attack without warning.

The voice of a dino evangelical type rang out.

“Plandemics, it’s a plan. Locusts, plagues, two paths, man. It’s time to choose.”

Then a rabid rabble rouser. 

“Kemp is a traitor. The world knows T-Rump won.”

A confident, even calculating voice.  

“The fraud, the cheating. I mean, all of these things are there. And yet it’s going forward. It doesn’t make sense. It does not bode well for the future of Dino Nation. I’m disappointed with the Dino Supreme Court that they’re not taking up this fraudulent election.”

And more confident, even more calculating words, lost in some verbal loop of internal confirmation.

“It was very disappointing. Because I felt that the Supreme Court should’ve at least heard the case. Somebody has to hear the evidence and allow … uh, at least those of us who believe that the election was fraudulent. To hear the evidence pan its way out, pan itself out. And make a decision based upon the facts, not saying that you don’t have standing because you don’t have an injury. Because we all have injury. I’m from Pennsylvaneus. My vote didn’t count.”

A Loudmouth Leatherlung dino. There was one in every crowd.

“We the dinos will not accept communism in this great Milkanhoney Preservation. We will stand against it.”

An Asiansaurae accent.

“Marshall law, get used to it. Marshall law.” 

A female voice. From the old valley.

“It all happened over night, y’know. Um, my life changed overnight.  Um, like I said, in dino court, um, I can’t get a job.  Um, nobody will hire me. Um. The T-Rump warned us about’em for years. We’ve been warned about mail-in ballots forever. And, um, but the Donkeykongrus took every avenue in this election. We’ve gotta get it back. It’s ours.”

And … the Rogerstone? 

“They tell us this election is over. Nothing is over until we say it is. We will fight to the bitter end for an honest count.”

Inny had heard enough. This 35-day mantra had finally hit home. The words had opened his eyes. Loosened his lips. He looked up to the sky and sang.

The long and blinding road, that bleeds guts and gore

We’ve had it up to here, just listen to us roar

We’ll stop the steal right here, if it leads to civil war

The wild and wooly fight, and the pain, goes to say

They all done tried to steer, all our votes their way 

We can’t just disappear, gonna save the day 

Many times we’ve picked a bone, you know we got our pride

We need our heroes y’know, like Bonnie an’ Clyde

That’s why there’s no turnin’ back, on this long blinding road

As sure as I’m standin’ here cuz I ain’t gonna go

Cuz that’s the oath I swore to give T-Rump four more

Standin’ by and standin’ back on this long blinding road

Get Perdue and Kelly here, them two just gotta go

Why are they even here? Kick’em out the door!

……………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1418 & 1422

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-zgryg-f4d9ec

A fresh week of T-Rump Traxx, yet again crossing the line. Featuring: Day 1418 — “Lonely Ol’ Night” … A dejected Davidperdue reclines in his cave … and Day 1422 — “Hey Nineteen” … 19, count’em, 19 dino attorneys general go rogue! … Dino tail wags to Mellencamp and Steely Dan for their inspirational melodies. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor Satire

Hey Nineteen …

“This is The Big One.”

The Tyrumposaurus stopped and stared at the Markmeadows.

“Yes, oh, yes, indeed. Very big,” the dino chief of staff feigned excitement.

Inside he groaned. Every day was the big one. Every moment was the big one. He prayed each night that T-Rump’s heart would suffer the big one.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir, 19 dino attorneys general were gathered as the Kenpaxton of Lone Star-Texas reassured them that they’d made the right choice in coming together to contest the elections in Georgia Orchard, Pennsylvaneus, Michigonia and Dairyland.

“Because that’s what good dino regions do,” the Kenpaxton went on. “They keep a close eye on other dinos’ votes because you can’t trust those Donkeykongrus dinos. Nope. It takes a Grandoldparty dino region to know what’s right, right?”

The other dinos nodded their heads robotically. It really didn’t matter what came out of the Kenpaxton’s mouth. They were all there because the T-Rump had a foot on their tail and a tweet on their future. They shuddered at the doom and gloom awaiting the other eight Grandoldparty attorneys general who were not in attendance. The T-Rump would hunt them down.

“Need I remind you, that the T-Rump was winning the vote in the middle of the night — while our dino mamas and babies slept! — and the Joebiden, well, at that point he had less than a one in quadrillion to the fourth power chance of winning. I got that little number from the Kayleighmcenany, who’s a pretty little number herself, she is.”

“So you see, my fellow dino attorneys, the battleground regions violated the rules set forth by their duly elected dinos-on-the-ledge-later, thereby violating our Continental Divide. The Divide, we’re talking about here. We gotta maintain the Divide. By ignoring both dino region and Milkanhoney Preservation rules, these regions have not only tainted, tarnished and vandalized the integrity of their own dinos vote, but of Lone Star-Texas, bless her broncosaurus-bustin’ heart, and every other region that held we-don’t-cheat elections. Their failure to abide by the rules casts a dark, dark shadow of death, I mean doubt, over the outcome of the entire kit-n-caboodle election. We now ask that the Dino Supreme Court step in to do something about this gargantuan, egregious error … that I’m holdin’ on by a thread here to keep from bawling my damn eyes out.”

The Markbrnovich, the dino AG from Zona Cactus yawned. He raised a short arm to make conversation.

“Yes, Mark. You were a little late getting to the party, weren’t you? 17 dinos here and then — poof! — you popped in.”

“I can leave.”

“No, no. Stop scaring me. We’re glad you came, aren’t we, dinos?”

A few perfunctory nods. The Markbrnovich continued.

“Uh, Ken, didn’t the Langleyops dinos raid your cave today? Again?”

“Oh, that. No worries, a little misunderstanding. I forgot to pay off a couple of dinos. Let’s focus on the situation at hand, shall we? You know, win The Big One?”

But even as a lapdog to the T-Rump, the Markbrnovich possessed a modicum of legal acumen.

“You’re doing this for the pardon, Ken, aren’t you? C’mon, admit it.”

Who me? The Kenpaxton didn’t say it. He didn’t have to. It was written all over his face. The 18 other dino attorneys general had seen that guilty look on the faces of thousands of dinos in their court caves. The expression on the Kenpaxton’s face quickly changed to a smirk.

“So sue me. I’m sorry. Did I say that?”

The dino laughter was interrupted by the arrival of the Johncornyn, the aging Lone Star-Texas Sin Hut dino. He spotted the much younger Kenpaxton and stepped before him as an elder might.

“Ken, you’ve got to stop this nonsense. You’re making me look bad.”

“John? How could you? In front of my attorney general partners in crime. I mean arms. You’re from Lone Star-Texas. Like me, remember?

The Johncornyn paused, measuring his words. 

“Ken, how do I say this? I – I … I’ve gotta sing. I mean, I can’t take any more of this crap. You’re a real nutjob, Ken. A crook, a low-life, a two-bit hood. There I said it. Anyway. I need this memorialized. So here goes …

Utah then

In-dee-anna

An’ Mississippi

Dakotas, why?

Chasing a felon

Paxton’s pack willing

Too blind to see braille

Are you freakin’ high?

Hey Nineteen

You have no chance together

No, you can’t stop or stall

Please just move along

The vote is in stone

Hey Nineteen

That’s you, Tennessee

Kansas, Nebraska

Arizona

And Missouri

South Carolina

We think you’re crazy

You’re not just growing old

Hey Nineteen

West Virginia, you are bombin’

No, you can’t stop or stall

You got this all wrong

The vote is in stone

Christ.

It’s no good

(Groan)

Hate a little lower now

The truth be told

It’s not The Big One

You are a king’s ding-a-lings

Say it again

The truth be told

It’s not The Big One

You are a king’s ding-a-lings

The truth be told

It’s not The Big One

You are a king’s ding-a-lings

You have no chance together

You guys have all the gall

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor

Lonely Ol’ Night …

The Davidperdue sighed at the moon overhead. He tucked his tail between his legs and leaned back against the wall outside the entrance to his cave. Before he did so, he checked to make sure the wall was clean. There was a family of poo-flinging Monkeysaurae who lived next door. He tried to relax but his joints gnawed at him, reminding him of every one of the seventy dino years he’d spent negotiating this god-forsaken jungle. And there was that other thing.

It was Sunday night and he was a dino without a debate. A dino without a speech. A dino without a clue. How could this be happening to him? The Grand Old Party Sin Hit dino was supposed to be at the big shindig debate railing, regaling and impaling the Johnossoff with snappy one-liners. But there would be no railing, regaling or impaling. Oh, no. The snappy one-liner stared him in the face. He was coolin’ his heels home alone.   

Their debate was to kick things off before the second tete-a-tete between the Raphaelwarnock and that spasmodically radical right wing conservative, the Kellyloeffler. This was his and Loeffler’s last chance to woo the Georgia Orchard dinos to the polls in one month’s time for a vote that would determine which pack of dinos would control the Sin Hut and thereby govern the Milkanhoney Preservation. The losing pack would be left to grovel. No dinos liked groveling.

But here he was. Stuck in his cave. Just this side of groveling. Despite the discomfort, he flexed his short arms if only to kickstart his confidence. He was a mover and shaker. That’s who he was. Unfortunately he’d been moving and shaking a little too much lately. The Davidperdue and the Kellyloeffler had been found guilty of using their influence in the Puhl-DePlug Reservoir to make millions of moolah-moolah leaves off shady insider trading. He said a silent prayer, ostensibly thanking the Williambarr for white-washing the whole affair. 

His gaze drifted back to the Monkeysaurae home next door. He should probably head back inside soon. It wasn’t the flying poo that frightened him. What if one of them came out and asked him why he was home when he should be at the debate and wasn’t the Kellyloeffler involved in the very same insider trading he’d been in and if she stayed home like him, well then there would be no Grandoldparty dino on the stage and was that how the Grandoldparty dinos really ran the Sin Hut? What the hell was going on in the Georgia Orchard these days?

He sighed again, turned for his cave and entered with a melancholy tune on his lips.

She calls me up and says Davey, are ya lonely tonight?

Yeah, Kelly, I’m so scared and lonely, it’s Ossoff all the time

Somebody said a Perdue’s a chicken any which way

No, no, no, no, no

But I have to admit I laid an egg today

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Sittin’ here as Georgia turns blue

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Makin’ trades cuz the lonely need something to do

MAGA’s quickly becoming T-Rump’s mad, mad throng

They’re marching onto the home of Georgia’s poor guv

I guess he feels awfully alone

He needs to understand what T-Rump means

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it’s a sad, sad, sad, sad feeling when I’m living in

This quarantine

It’s just one day

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Sittin’ here as Georgia turns blue

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Makin’ trades cuz the lonely need something to do

She calls me, Davey, should we buy or sell, Davey? 

It’s a lonely ol’ night but that’s my call

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Sittin’ here as Georgia turns blue

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Makin’ trades cuz the lonely need something to do

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Sittin’ here as Georgia turns blue

It’s a lonely ol’ night

Makin’ trades cuz the lonely need something to do

Yeah, like me, I knew

Yeah, like me, I knew

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1411 & 1415

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-qviw8-f42bf4

This week’s T-Rump Traxx feature: Day 1411 — “Fools on the Hill” … The Ronnamcdaniel flails away at Georgia Orchard dinos … and Day 1415 — “Have a Drink on Me” … The Rudygiuliani unleashes his secret weapon. OMG. … Dino tail wags to The Beatles and AC/DC. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor Satire

Have a Drink on Me …

It was all very official looking. Sobering almost, in its quiet splendor, this special Michigonian hearing on its immaculately kept, politico-dino grounds. The hearing had been diligently scheduled to deal with a matter of voter fraud brought before region officials, including the very serious-looking Stevenjohnson. The Rudygiuliani’s long-awaited, all-star witness, the Melissacarone finally had her say.

“The po-po-poll book is completely off. Completely off.”

The Stevenjohnson puzzled.

“Off by 30,000?”

“I’d say that poll book is off by over a hundred thousand. That poll book?  Why don’t you look at the registered voters on there? How many registered voters are on there? Did you, do you even know the answer to that?”

“No, I guess that, I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.”

“Zero. Zero. There’s zero.”

“So, my question then is … if the …”

“Guess how many, wait … what about, what about, how, whatta whatta what about the turnout rate? A hundred and twenty percent?”

The Rudygiuliani reached across, digging his claws into her thighs, trying to cut her off. It was no use.  It only elicited a goofy laugh from her.

“Rudy, stop it. Later, okay, hon?”

The Stevenjohnson continued.

“So the poll book number, there’s two things that could happen here. Either the poll book number, each ballot counted multiple times … there’s two options. Option number one is that the poll book numbers are not going to match the actual …”

“They don’t.”

“But not by thousands and thousands of votes. That’s not what we see right now.”

“You take a look again. Take a look again.”

“Option number two is that they essentially were filling in names of dinos who didn’t vote.”

“Dead dinos too?”

“My question is, we’re not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes. That’s not the case.”

“Well, what’d you guys do?” She slurred her words like a dino sliding slowly down a muddy path. “Take it and uh, do something crazy to it?”

The Stevenjohnson shook his head.

“I’m just saying the numbers are not off by 30,000 votes, so …”

“I know what I saw.”

“When you say they’re filling in …”

“I know what I saw … and I signed something saying that if I’m wrong, I can go to prison. Did you?”

She threw him a petulant look of disdain. He didn’t flinch.

“I’m asking a question here. I just want to keep following back up with the poll books. Are we saying that the poll book is either wildly off or that they are …”

“Wildly off.”

“Or that they are filling in names?”

“It’s wildly off. It’s wildly off. And dead dinos voted. And illegals voted so that’s my answer.”

“Nothing else?”

“Well, there is — hiccup! — one last thing …”

A song rolled into and around the cave. The Melissacarone rose from her rock to sing. 

Rudy keeps me handy

Cuz I think T-Rump is dandy

I’m tryin’ to grab the headlines

Swingin’ on the grape vine

So join me for a drink, boys

Not gonna play with sharp toys

You’ll have to tell me what I know 

What do I say?

I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way! 

Have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

I’m really quite exciting

In the proper lighting

If your ballot count is shorter

I’ll be your new reporter

Yeah, so let’s go sling some slime

Then happy hour on your dime

You’ll have to tell me what I know

What do I say?

I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way!

Have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

C’mon!

Gonna say I found

Ballots underground

Get another wig

One that doesn’t stink

Gonna ask you why

Till you think I’m high

Can you see white noise?

Lost my poise, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink

On

Me

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor

The Fools on the Hill …

“Hey, I’m speaking now! Everybody, shut up!”

The Ronnamcdaniel, chief dino of the Grandoldparty planning committee, had a certain way about her. The Trumpassic Period was a cut-throat dino world where razor-sharp teeth always left marks and blood was typically spilt by noon. Except she was on home turf today, trying to fire up the good dinos of Georgia Orchard to get out the word for two Grandoldparty dinos. The Kellyloeffler and the Davidperdue were in the upcoming dino run-off into the jungle for two Sin Hut seats at the big dino’s flat rock table. The natives were restless at this latest meet-and-greet-and-eat. 

“Now the T-Rump just told me yesterday, he said unequivocally, that he supports the Loeffler and Perdue and he’s coming right down here to Georgia Orchard to help them out. Dinos want to see him out there battling for our two dinos, as he continues to fight his own battles and make sure that his election was fair and transparent.” 

A loud Leatherneck from the back of the cave rose off his haunches.

“Wait a goll-darn minute there. Are you saying that the T-Rump is having troubles with his own election against the Joebiden … but our little ol’ Sin Hut election is gonna be fair and square? How can that be? What in tarnation is goin’ on?”

“Hold on now, just stop right there.” The Ronnamcdaniel took a deep breath. “I want you all to read my rubbery lips. I am categorically dismissing each and every concern or apprehension you may have over the legitimacy of the election because that is only put there to discourage you, the T-Rump voters from voting in this run-off.”

“Say what?” came the voice of dino down front whose dander had been sufficiently raised. “Your last statement only gives me cause and concern. And great alarm! Did I hear you right? You’re saying that the cheatin’ IS there but we ain’t allowed to worry about it? You ain’t easin’ my fears, lady. You is multiplyin’ them!”

Another dino jumped in.

“And the T-Rump jumped all over our own dino, the Raffensberger and threw him right under the Priebusunderbus. That Raffensberger is a good Georgia Orchard dino. A real peach of a dino. Would you mind explainin’ that one cuz I’m a-listenin’ with both o’ my big ears!”

“Well, um … you see, it’s like this.” The Ronnamcdaniel licked her rubbery lips. Now she knew how the Emilymurphy felt. Between a rock and a hard place and an extra hard rock falling from above. “Okay, okay, yes, the T-Rump has leveled claims of widespread fraud here. And he said that he could see we were dealing with a very fraudulent system. He’s worried about that. But let’s look on the bright side. He also called the Kellyloeffler and the Davidperdue tremendous dinos. Very tremendous, widespread tremendous. Let’s focus on that, shall we?” 

Yet another dino hollered above others to be heard in the commotion.

“The Tyrumposaurus, bless his heart, he done informed us time and time again that this whole thing is rigged, it is. How come we have to put in all this time and effort when the race is already decided?”

“No, no, no. It’s not decided. Please don’t say that. I’m new at this deprogramming thing, so please bear with me. It’s a work in progress. This is the key. Trust me. At some point soon we’ll be able to convince you without anybody getting hurt or lasting side effects.”

“Are you talking about the Coronavirus?” asked a concerned elderly lady dino.

“No, ma’am. Please, one crisis at a time. Okay, everyone. My time here is about up.”

“But you just got here.”

“Look, just because I’m leaving in a hurry, don’t lose faith in me, because if you don’t vote and you just walk away like I’m doing now, that’s going to decide it. So do as I say, not as I do, okay?”

Nothing like a little reverse psycho-babble she thought as she scrambled out the exit. She made her way past a little hole-in-the-wall that the Paulmccartney occasionally popped in. Today was one of those days.

Fray after fray, a throne yet to fill

The MAGA, the haggard, are still all taking their stupid pills 

As Georgia pleads and reminds them

Vote for your life, don’t be a fool

Though voting fraud is the cancer

Cuz the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump as unsound

But his lies they all fled

Are now running them down 

Loeffler, Perdue, heads in a cloud

Kelly, green with her money, David not speaking out loud

But nobody ever fears them

Or their super spreader outbreak

The Covid deaths out of focus

But the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And the lies they all fled

Are now running them down

And those votes were changed to Biden

They heard T-Rump, the gospel truth

It’s the other side who’s stealing

Cuz the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And the lies they all fled

Are now running them down

Oh, those votes, found’em, found’em, found’em, found’em

Georgia now out on a limb

Snapping back at the fools

“We’ll boycott then”

The fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And they lies they all fled

Are now running them down

Oh, found’em, found’em, found’em

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor Political Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1404 & 1408

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-rnsns-f38972

This week’s double T-Rump Traxx include: Day 1404 — “Me and You and a Dad-Blamed Coup” … The Lobosaurus takes the pulse of Dino Nation. … and Day 1408 — “I Pardon That Commotion” … The Flynnhasbeen received a full pardon. That can only mean one thing. … Dino tail wags to Lobo and Smokey and the Miracles. Enjoy!

Categories
Donald Trump Humor

I Pardon That Commotion …

The Oval Dwelling was positively swelling. Dinos jostled for position in the latest negotiations on PPE. The POTUS Pardon Extravaganza, that is. The Tyrumposaurus had just granted the Flynnhasbeen a full pardon. Word traveled like a Pterodactyl mating call. All dinos looking for a pardon and or their representatives had quickly assembled. The process had turned into a full blown auction with the dino auctioneer in rapid-fire mode, droning on to the perky ears of all participants.

“The Manaforta. What’s the Manaforta gonna give? Gonna keep quiet. Like a possum. Dead quiet like a possum. Dead quiet. Possum quiet. Dead possum quiet. He’s playin’ dead possum quiet. Keepin’ quiet. Dead quiet. Playin’ dead. Keepin’ quiet. Gosh, I’m a quiet possum. Possum quiet. Dead possum. Is he keepin’ quiet? Is he dead? Like he’s dead? Possum dead? Keepin’ quiet? Dead quiet?”

A nod from the Manaforta’s legal dino.

“He’s keepin’ quiet. Need a no Russodinos. Need a no. A no-no-no. Not a one. No-no Putin. No Putin. No puttin’ in a Putin. No Putin puttin’ in. No, no Putin? Do I gotta undying devotion? Need undyin’ devotion. Devotion the notion. Undying. No dyin’. Notion devotion. Devotion promotion. Undyin’ devotion. Needin’ devotion before dyin’. Don’t die, no dyin’ before devotion. Gotta devotion notion? Undyin’ devotion?”

Another nod from the legal dino.

“Sold! Manaforta gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?”

His eyes picked out …

“The Rogerstone! I need a tricky Dicky. I’m a picky, picky on my tricky Dicky. Picky, picky, tricky Dicky. No nicky-picky, no picky-picnic-nicky on my tricky Dicky. Need a tricky Dicky. Dicky tricky. Tricky Dicky. Prickly, prickly. Sticky, sticky. No picky-nicky. Prickly, sticky, tricky Dicky? Tricky Dicky? Dicky tricky?”

The Rogerstone flashed a grin.

“You’re my tricky Dicky! Need election spin. Need to say I win. I win, election spin. Need to win, spin, spin to win. Not a sin. Who says I’m in? Spin I’m in. Say I’m in. Say I win, spin the spin. Rin-tin-tin. Win, spin, win, spin. Sayin’ when I spin to win. Election win. And the spin. Then a win. Win, spin, not a sin. Spin to win, election win?”

Another grin from Stone.

“Sold!  Rogerstone gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?” 

A short arm went up.

“The Kushneratops wants a pardon. What’s he gonna give? What we gonna need? One-two-five-ten-twenty-fifty-hundred-more. Gotta count some more. Goin’ higher. Higher. Higher like a fire. Hire. Fire. Hire. Fire. Don’t fire me. Thousand, million, billion. Did ya bring a trillion? Countin’ more. T-Rump wants more. Add a zero. Zero, zero. Be a hero with a zero. Hero. Zero. Zero hero. Not the boss. No sirree. Not the boss. Don’t look at me. Billion with a B. Thousand million. Need a billion with a B.”

A nod from the Kushneratops.

“Gotta billion with a B. 2B or not 2B? Shakespeare is shakin’ free. What we gonna see? 2B will set you free. 2B the price, you see. Gettin’ free. With 2B. To be free. 2B free. Too be free. Two’s a number and also, it be. I need 2B. 2B, I need. I need 2B. Say 2B for me. 2B for me. Me with 2B? I don’t see. 2B, 2B, you’ll be free. Free for 2B. Give me 2B. 2B to be free. To be Scooby-Doo. Free for 2B? 2B is 2B. Say 2B for me.”

The Kushneratops smirked. 

“Sold! Jared gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?”

The auctioneer spotted T-Rump with his short arm raised.

“Stop. Stop the show. Stoppin’ pardons, don’t ya know. Stop. Don’t pass go. Stop. Stop. I say so.”

“Dinos! My crony friends. Thanks for coming out. I’m getting bored though. This is taking way too long. So, call it a miracle, the best miracle in the history of miracles, but I have Smokey here to sing a song. Especially for those of you I haven’t pardoned yet. Just listen to it … and consider yourself pardoned. Gotta go. I’ve got a lot of accidents that need creating.”

Maybe you’ll wanna come and kiss my feet

Because you don’t wanna be in my next tweet

And maybe someday you’re gonna take the fall

What a waste of time in jail for you all

Oh, whatta world, in Flynn’s case, he’s gotta new start

He won’t forget that, and you, yes, you can take part

So, if you feel like pumping me

If your funds aren’t frozen

I pardon that commotion

So, if you will just guarantee

A lifetime of devotion

I pardon that commotion

Maybe you think that I am just a clown

And you know my favorite color is nose brown

Maybe you think I didn’t finish school

And this is the shallow end of the gene pool

Oh, whatta world,

In that case, I don’t give a fart

I’ll just make you that, that new greeter at Wal-Mart 

Oh, but if you feel like pumping me

If your funds aren’t frozen

I pardon that commotion

So, if you will just guarantee

A lifetime of devotion

I pardon that commotion

Oh, whatta world, in that case I don’t give a fart

I’ll just make sure that, that your life will fall apart

Oh, but if you feel like pumping me

If your funds aren’t frozen

I pardon that commotion

So, if you will just guarantee

A lifetime of devotion

I pardon that commotion

Oh, whatta world,

I pardon that commotion

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!