The Oval Dwelling was positively swelling. Dinos jostled for position in the latest negotiations on PPE. The POTUS Pardon Extravaganza, that is. The Tyrumposaurus had just granted the Flynnhasbeen a full pardon. Word traveled like a Pterodactyl mating call. All dinos looking for a pardon and or their representatives had quickly assembled. The process had turned into a full blown auction with the dino auctioneer in rapid-fire mode, droning on to the perky ears of all participants.
“The Manaforta. What’s the Manaforta gonna give? Gonna keep quiet. Like a possum. Dead quiet like a possum. Dead quiet. Possum quiet. Dead possum quiet. He’s playin’ dead possum quiet. Keepin’ quiet. Dead quiet. Playin’ dead. Keepin’ quiet. Gosh, I’m a quiet possum. Possum quiet. Dead possum. Is he keepin’ quiet? Is he dead? Like he’s dead? Possum dead? Keepin’ quiet? Dead quiet?”
A nod from the Manaforta’s legal dino.
“He’s keepin’ quiet. Need a no Russodinos. Need a no. A no-no-no. Not a one. No-no Putin. No Putin. No puttin’ in a Putin. No Putin puttin’ in. No, no Putin? Do I gotta undying devotion? Need undyin’ devotion. Devotion the notion. Undying. No dyin’. Notion devotion. Devotion promotion. Undyin’ devotion. Needin’ devotion before dyin’. Don’t die, no dyin’ before devotion. Gotta devotion notion? Undyin’ devotion?”
Another nod from the legal dino.
“Sold! Manaforta gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?”
His eyes picked out …
“The Rogerstone! I need a tricky Dicky. I’m a picky, picky on my tricky Dicky. Picky, picky, tricky Dicky. No nicky-picky, no picky-picnic-nicky on my tricky Dicky. Need a tricky Dicky. Dicky tricky. Tricky Dicky. Prickly, prickly. Sticky, sticky. No picky-nicky. Prickly, sticky, tricky Dicky? Tricky Dicky? Dicky tricky?”
The Rogerstone flashed a grin.
“You’re my tricky Dicky! Need election spin. Need to say I win. I win, election spin. Need to win, spin, spin to win. Not a sin. Who says I’m in? Spin I’m in. Say I’m in. Say I win, spin the spin. Rin-tin-tin. Win, spin, win, spin. Sayin’ when I spin to win. Election win. And the spin. Then a win. Win, spin, not a sin. Spin to win, election win?”
Another grin from Stone.
“Sold! Rogerstone gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?”
A short arm went up.
“The Kushneratops wants a pardon. What’s he gonna give? What we gonna need? One-two-five-ten-twenty-fifty-hundred-more. Gotta count some more. Goin’ higher. Higher. Higher like a fire. Hire. Fire. Hire. Fire. Don’t fire me. Thousand, million, billion. Did ya bring a trillion? Countin’ more. T-Rump wants more. Add a zero. Zero, zero. Be a hero with a zero. Hero. Zero. Zero hero. Not the boss. No sirree. Not the boss. Don’t look at me. Billion with a B. Thousand million. Need a billion with a B.”
A nod from the Kushneratops.
“Gotta billion with a B. 2B or not 2B? Shakespeare is shakin’ free. What we gonna see? 2B will set you free. 2B the price, you see. Gettin’ free. With 2B. To be free. 2B free. Too be free. Two’s a number and also, it be. I need 2B. 2B, I need. I need 2B. Say 2B for me. 2B for me. Me with 2B? I don’t see. 2B, 2B, you’ll be free. Free for 2B. Give me 2B. 2B to be free. To be Scooby-Doo. Free for 2B? 2B is 2B. Say 2B for me.”
The Kushneratops smirked.
“Sold! Jared gets the pardon. Big pardon. Full pardon. Pardon you. Pardon me. Pardon garden company. Who’s next?”
The auctioneer spotted T-Rump with his short arm raised.
“Stop. Stop the show. Stoppin’ pardons, don’t ya know. Stop. Don’t pass go. Stop. Stop. I say so.”
“Dinos! My crony friends. Thanks for coming out. I’m getting bored though. This is taking way too long. So, call it a miracle, the best miracle in the history of miracles, but I have Smokey here to sing a song. Especially for those of you I haven’t pardoned yet. Just listen to it … and consider yourself pardoned. Gotta go. I’ve got a lot of accidents that need creating.”
Maybe you’ll wanna come and kiss my feet
Because you don’t wanna be in my next tweet
And maybe someday you’re gonna take the fall
What a waste of time in jail for you all
Oh, whatta world, in Flynn’s case, he’s gotta new start
He won’t forget that, and you, yes, you can take part
So, if you feel like pumping me
If your funds aren’t frozen
I pardon that commotion
So, if you will just guarantee
A lifetime of devotion
I pardon that commotion
Maybe you think that I am just a clown
And you know my favorite color is nose brown
Maybe you think I didn’t finish school
And this is the shallow end of the gene pool
Oh, whatta world,
In that case, I don’t give a fart
I’ll just make you that, that new greeter at Wal-Mart
Oh, but if you feel like pumping me
If your funds aren’t frozen
I pardon that commotion
So, if you will just guarantee
A lifetime of devotion
I pardon that commotion
Oh, whatta world, in that case I don’t give a fart
I’ll just make sure that, that your life will fall apart
Oh, but if you feel like pumping me
If your funds aren’t frozen
I pardon that commotion
So, if you will just guarantee
A lifetime of devotion
I pardon that commotion
Oh, whatta world,
I pardon that commotion
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 