Tag: 201218

“You wanted to see me, T-Rump?”

“Come on in here, Mitch.”

The Moscowmitch ambled into the Oval Dwelling and took a seat across from the Tyrumposaurus.

“Now what’s this about you congratulating the Joebiden as the new leader? Where did you ever get that crazy, fake news idea?”

“Well, the electoral votes did finally come through. He got the same number, 306, as you did in your, ahem … landslide victory four years ago. Contrary to some questionable right-wing folk, T-Rump, those votes can’t be changed. They’re legal. Legit. Good as gold.”

“Nonsense. Our Lone Star-Texas dinos are putting together another lawsuit to fight that. And if the courts say ‘no standing’ one more time, I’ll sue them on that. They can’t use the same excuse over and over. It just tears me up that my Dino Supreme Court went against me. I picked them! Three of them!” 

The T-Rump looked around for something to throw. The Moscowmitch cleared his wattled throat.

“You must have heard that the Putinodon recognized the Joebiden as our new leader. I was just taking that as my cue. I know he keeps hacking away at the Milkanhoney Preservation and you won’t say a peep. I understand that. But it appears even the Putinodon is finally done with you. It’s been five weeks … or 70,000 Covid deaths ago. Give or take.” 

“Covid, Covid, Covid. Forget Covid. Five weeks? What’s five weeks in our grand scheme of things? You’re giving up too soon. Way too soon. Why, I’ve only just begun raking in, I mean accepting moolah-moolah leaves from the base. Over 200 million so far. For me to do as I please. Us, I mean us. And the Grandoldparty. In that order.”

The Moscowmitch nodded.

“Can you call it a grift if they don’t read the damn fine print? That reminds me, you wouldn’t know anything about 30% of the Coronavirus vaccine missing from, uh … every region of Dino Nation, would you?

“Oh, that. Just the cost of doing business. Side deals, the standard fare. You shake my tail, I shake yours. Our usual split, okay?”

“That’s nice, real nice, T-Rump. Uh, maybe you saw me tear up the other day at the flat rock as I announced that the Lamaralexander was calling it quits, so he could enter the fossil stage. A great dino, ol’ Lamar. Well, I’ve been praying for you too, T-Rump.”

“Now that’s a lie.”

“Okay, you got me there. But you might want to consider backing off this election fraud angle. I’ve been playing this game a long time. The Williambarr has bowed out. You’ve got 200 Grandoldparty dinos hiding under rocks, hands in their mouth. All the staff are updating their resumes. Pretty soon I’ll be the only one here with a job.”

“Very funny. Who said I’m leaving? Look at that Ronjohnson, now there’s a dino after my valuable attention. He’s doing a great job holding three-hour hearings, keeping my name out there. We’re going to flip Reno-Casino any day now.”

“T-Rump. You lost. Fifty-plus dino courts ruled there was no election fraud.”

“Stop that. I didn’t bring you in here to put a positive spin on this disaster. What’s it going to take Mitch? Do I have to send another five dinos packing?” 

“Your talent pool is down to brainless idiots and incompetent boobs.”

“That would be the upside of my current scorched Earth policy. Look, you’re my Sin Hut Go-To-Dino, you can’t be saying things like that about giving up. It hits me right in the heart. You know, that place beside my gut feeling. Come closer, maybe if I say it another way.”

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

We’ll make the wrong seem right

We’ve only just begun to fight

I’m giving you the green light

Tainted votes we’ll bar

And we’ll go far

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

The South still buys my lie

I know you pulled a fast one, guy

And this will make us even

I never said I’m through

Don’t give up on us, I know

We can have our coup

I’m really looking to incite

How dare they think I will be leavin’

There’s still four or five to flip, just like so

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

I made you what you are

We now have the Earth to scar

The devil and the grifter

Not bound by any rules

Don’t give up on us, I know

We can have our coup

I’m giving you the green light

Tainted votes we’ll bar

And we’ll go far

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

The South still buys my lie

I know you pulled a fast one, guy

And this will make us even

I never said I’m through

Don’t give up on us, I know

We can have our coup

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

Don’t give up on us now, Mitch

……………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

The long throng of T-Rumpers, that is, dinos that would bite their tails off if it would please the Tyrumposaurus, slogged their way down the main path in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir. It was their 35th consecutive day of marching. Because marching helped ease their aggression. To a dino, they felt the outcome of the election had done them a grave, severe injustice. So severe, many of them had simply dropped everything, unable to contain their anger and all-consuming rage, unable to even focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Again, marching helped.

Which is how the Innocenti Bystanderus, or Inny for short, came to be mixed up in the mad, disconsolate and outright insulted multitude of dinos marching along, mumbling, grumbling and speaking their walnut minds. Inny was an introvert, a rare characteristic for a T-Rump follower, but Inny’s dino therapist recommended he get out of his cave and live a little. This was his 35th straight day as well. He was living a lot.

Inny’s legs were short for a dinosaur, which meant he was constantly being passed by other marching dinos, allowing him to catch snippets of their conversations, be it dialogue, monologue or aspersions flung aside. All part of the indoctrination he still struggled to comprehend. What was this new alternative mindset? He kept his head down as he took his small measured strides. His therapist had told him to never look a T-Rumper in the eye. They might attack without warning.

The voice of a dino evangelical type rang out.

“Plandemics, it’s a plan. Locusts, plagues, two paths, man. It’s time to choose.”

Then a rabid rabble rouser. 

“Kemp is a traitor. The world knows T-Rump won.”

A confident, even calculating voice.  

“The fraud, the cheating. I mean, all of these things are there. And yet it’s going forward. It doesn’t make sense. It does not bode well for the future of Dino Nation. I’m disappointed with the Dino Supreme Court that they’re not taking up this fraudulent election.”

And more confident, even more calculating words, lost in some verbal loop of internal confirmation.

“It was very disappointing. Because I felt that the Supreme Court should’ve at least heard the case. Somebody has to hear the evidence and allow … uh, at least those of us who believe that the election was fraudulent. To hear the evidence pan its way out, pan itself out. And make a decision based upon the facts, not saying that you don’t have standing because you don’t have an injury. Because we all have injury. I’m from Pennsylvaneus. My vote didn’t count.”

A Loudmouth Leatherlung dino. There was one in every crowd.

“We the dinos will not accept communism in this great Milkanhoney Preservation. We will stand against it.”

An Asiansaurae accent.

“Marshall law, get used to it. Marshall law.” 

A female voice. From the old valley.

“It all happened over night, y’know. Um, my life changed overnight.  Um, like I said, in dino court, um, I can’t get a job.  Um, nobody will hire me. Um. The T-Rump warned us about’em for years. We’ve been warned about mail-in ballots forever. And, um, but the Donkeykongrus took every avenue in this election. We’ve gotta get it back. It’s ours.”

And … the Rogerstone? 

“They tell us this election is over. Nothing is over until we say it is. We will fight to the bitter end for an honest count.”

Inny had heard enough. This 35-day mantra had finally hit home. The words had opened his eyes. Loosened his lips. He looked up to the sky and sang.

The long and blinding road, that bleeds guts and gore

We’ve had it up to here, just listen to us roar

We’ll stop the steal right here, if it leads to civil war

The wild and wooly fight, and the pain, goes to say

They all done tried to steer, all our votes their way 

We can’t just disappear, gonna save the day 

Many times we’ve picked a bone, you know we got our pride

We need our heroes y’know, like Bonnie an’ Clyde

That’s why there’s no turnin’ back, on this long blinding road

As sure as I’m standin’ here cuz I ain’t gonna go

Cuz that’s the oath I swore to give T-Rump four more

Standin’ by and standin’ back on this long blinding road

Get Perdue and Kelly here, them two just gotta go

Why are they even here? Kick’em out the door!

……………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!