“You wanted to see me, T-Rump?”
“Come on in here, Mitch.”
The Moscowmitch ambled into the Oval Dwelling and took a seat across from the Tyrumposaurus.
“Now what’s this about you congratulating the Joebiden as the new leader? Where did you ever get that crazy, fake news idea?”
“Well, the electoral votes did finally come through. He got the same number, 306, as you did in your, ahem … landslide victory four years ago. Contrary to some questionable right-wing folk, T-Rump, those votes can’t be changed. They’re legal. Legit. Good as gold.”
“Nonsense. Our Lone Star-Texas dinos are putting together another lawsuit to fight that. And if the courts say ‘no standing’ one more time, I’ll sue them on that. They can’t use the same excuse over and over. It just tears me up that my Dino Supreme Court went against me. I picked them! Three of them!”
The T-Rump looked around for something to throw. The Moscowmitch cleared his wattled throat.
“You must have heard that the Putinodon recognized the Joebiden as our new leader. I was just taking that as my cue. I know he keeps hacking away at the Milkanhoney Preservation and you won’t say a peep. I understand that. But it appears even the Putinodon is finally done with you. It’s been five weeks … or 70,000 Covid deaths ago. Give or take.”
“Covid, Covid, Covid. Forget Covid. Five weeks? What’s five weeks in our grand scheme of things? You’re giving up too soon. Way too soon. Why, I’ve only just begun raking in, I mean accepting moolah-moolah leaves from the base. Over 200 million so far. For me to do as I please. Us, I mean us. And the Grandoldparty. In that order.”
The Moscowmitch nodded.
“Can you call it a grift if they don’t read the damn fine print? That reminds me, you wouldn’t know anything about 30% of the Coronavirus vaccine missing from, uh … every region of Dino Nation, would you?
“Oh, that. Just the cost of doing business. Side deals, the standard fare. You shake my tail, I shake yours. Our usual split, okay?”
“That’s nice, real nice, T-Rump. Uh, maybe you saw me tear up the other day at the flat rock as I announced that the Lamaralexander was calling it quits, so he could enter the fossil stage. A great dino, ol’ Lamar. Well, I’ve been praying for you too, T-Rump.”
“Now that’s a lie.”
“Okay, you got me there. But you might want to consider backing off this election fraud angle. I’ve been playing this game a long time. The Williambarr has bowed out. You’ve got 200 Grandoldparty dinos hiding under rocks, hands in their mouth. All the staff are updating their resumes. Pretty soon I’ll be the only one here with a job.”
“Very funny. Who said I’m leaving? Look at that Ronjohnson, now there’s a dino after my valuable attention. He’s doing a great job holding three-hour hearings, keeping my name out there. We’re going to flip Reno-Casino any day now.”
“T-Rump. You lost. Fifty-plus dino courts ruled there was no election fraud.”
“Stop that. I didn’t bring you in here to put a positive spin on this disaster. What’s it going to take Mitch? Do I have to send another five dinos packing?”
“Your talent pool is down to brainless idiots and incompetent boobs.”
“That would be the upside of my current scorched Earth policy. Look, you’re my Sin Hut Go-To-Dino, you can’t be saying things like that about giving up. It hits me right in the heart. You know, that place beside my gut feeling. Come closer, maybe if I say it another way.”
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
We’ll make the wrong seem right
We’ve only just begun to fight
I’m giving you the green light
Tainted votes we’ll bar
And we’ll go far
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
The South still buys my lie
I know you pulled a fast one, guy
And this will make us even
I never said I’m through
Don’t give up on us, I know
We can have our coup
I’m really looking to incite
How dare they think I will be leavin’
There’s still four or five to flip, just like so
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
I made you what you are
We now have the Earth to scar
The devil and the grifter
Not bound by any rules
Don’t give up on us, I know
We can have our coup
I’m giving you the green light
Tainted votes we’ll bar
And we’ll go far
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
The South still buys my lie
I know you pulled a fast one, guy
And this will make us even
I never said I’m through
Don’t give up on us, I know
We can have our coup
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
Don’t give up on us now, Mitch
……………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 