It was all very official looking. Sobering almost, in its quiet splendor, this special Michigonian hearing on its immaculately kept, politico-dino grounds. The hearing had been diligently scheduled to deal with a matter of voter fraud brought before region officials, including the very serious-looking Stevenjohnson. The Rudygiuliani’s long-awaited, all-star witness, the Melissacarone finally had her say.
“The po-po-poll book is completely off. Completely off.”
The Stevenjohnson puzzled.
“Off by 30,000?”
“I’d say that poll book is off by over a hundred thousand. That poll book? Why don’t you look at the registered voters on there? How many registered voters are on there? Did you, do you even know the answer to that?”
“No, I guess that, I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.”
“Zero. Zero. There’s zero.”
“So, my question then is … if the …”
“Guess how many, wait … what about, what about, how, whatta whatta what about the turnout rate? A hundred and twenty percent?”
The Rudygiuliani reached across, digging his claws into her thighs, trying to cut her off. It was no use. It only elicited a goofy laugh from her.
“Rudy, stop it. Later, okay, hon?”
The Stevenjohnson continued.
“So the poll book number, there’s two things that could happen here. Either the poll book number, each ballot counted multiple times … there’s two options. Option number one is that the poll book numbers are not going to match the actual …”
“They don’t.”
“But not by thousands and thousands of votes. That’s not what we see right now.”
“You take a look again. Take a look again.”
“Option number two is that they essentially were filling in names of dinos who didn’t vote.”
“Dead dinos too?”
“My question is, we’re not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes. That’s not the case.”
“Well, what’d you guys do?” She slurred her words like a dino sliding slowly down a muddy path. “Take it and uh, do something crazy to it?”
The Stevenjohnson shook his head.
“I’m just saying the numbers are not off by 30,000 votes, so …”
“I know what I saw.”
“When you say they’re filling in …”
“I know what I saw … and I signed something saying that if I’m wrong, I can go to prison. Did you?”
She threw him a petulant look of disdain. He didn’t flinch.
“I’m asking a question here. I just want to keep following back up with the poll books. Are we saying that the poll book is either wildly off or that they are …”
“Wildly off.”
“Or that they are filling in names?”
“It’s wildly off. It’s wildly off. And dead dinos voted. And illegals voted so that’s my answer.”
“Nothing else?”
“Well, there is — hiccup! — one last thing …”
A song rolled into and around the cave. The Melissacarone rose from her rock to sing.
Rudy keeps me handy
Cuz I think T-Rump is dandy
I’m tryin’ to grab the headlines
Swingin’ on the grape vine
So join me for a drink, boys
Not gonna play with sharp toys
You’ll have to tell me what I know
What do I say?
I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way!
Have a drink on me
Yeah, have a drink on me
Yeah, have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
I’m really quite exciting
In the proper lighting
If your ballot count is shorter
I’ll be your new reporter
Yeah, so let’s go sling some slime
Then happy hour on your dime
You’ll have to tell me what I know
What do I say?
I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way!
Have a drink on me
Yeah, have a drink on me
Yeah, have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
C’mon!
Gonna say I found
Ballots underground
Get another wig
One that doesn’t stink
Gonna ask you why
Till you think I’m high
Can you see white noise?
Lost my poise, have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Have a drink on me
Have a drink
On
Me
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 