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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

The Sound of Silence …

“And tell them when the looting starts, the shooting starts.”

“Excuse me?”

The Trollertweety looked at the Tyrumposaurus like he had three heads.

“You heard me, I want you to tell those thug dinosaurs in Minnee-Haha-Hoho-Heehee that if they loot any caves, the dino authorities can shoot off their mouths and whack’em with their tails. Beat the crap out of ‘em. And haul off any of those damn Mediacircustops that get in the way.”

“Uh, no can do.”

It was the T-Rump’s turn to look shocked.

“And why not?”

“I have a new rule. I need to add a disclaimer.”

“Now why would I want a nondisclosure agreement with my own Trollertweety?”

“Actually, that wouldn’t be a bad idea because then I’d just keep my mouth shut. But I said disclaimer. As in I will be telling your audience they should fact check first before believing you.”

“Fact check? Since when?”

“Since I felt my back and found my freaking spine.”

“Very funny. There will be no fact checking, you hear me?”

“Then I’m afraid we’re done here.”

The Trollertweety ruffled his feathers and turned away.

“Wait. You can’t leave. I — I … I will do away with you.”

“Isn’t that basically the same thing? But really now, you’re gonna kill little ol’ me?” 

“If I can’t have you, no one can.”

“That sounds so romantic, T-Rump, but I know you only love yourself. Without me, you’re nothin’, bub.”

“Dammit. You got me there. But how am I going to slander the Joebiden, hurl insults at that radical left mayor, the Jacobfrey, and run my demeaning, divisive bent through Dino Nation?”

The Trollertweety paused in thought, tapping his beak with his wing.

“Hmm. I suppose you could draft the longest executive order in history to whine about what the Adamschiff gets away with, drone on how censorship inhibits free speech and completely ignore the very issue that fact-checking is there to salvage the truth.”

“Great idea. I’m on it.”

The T-Rump bolted from their meeting.

The Trollertweety could only shake his head. How come the T-Rump never moves that fast in making decisions that could save lives in this pandemic? The Trollertweety waddled over to the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir where he squatted at the swamp’s edge and took several peckish slurps. He stared at his reflection, wondering what the T-Rump’s latest actions would mean for Dino Nation. A pair of trumpeter swans, the Paulsimon and the Artgarfunkel, glided past him, their rippling wake and rhythm trailing behind them.

 

Common sense, is this the end?

T-Rump is at it once again

Though most awake, some are still sleeping

Upon our rights he is creeping

And his mission for complete control insane

Still remains

It is our sound of silence

For those who want to pick a bone

Beware his latest wall of stone 

Upon our freedoms he will tramp

To ease the pain of a new brain cramp

He plans to crush us with his puny, bone-spur might

When tweets take flight

To bring the sound of silence

And he says we should shake with awe

As he simply rewrites the law

He is talking without speaking

He is hearing without listening

100 thousand dead and he doesn’t dare

Show he cared.

Their deaths the sound of silence

He’s a fool who wants his show

His cult, knuckles dragged in tow

Their minds know not what they do

His lies the virus, running thru and thru 

Projecting forth their own inner hell 

Angry stares, beware, their silence 

So we’re the nation that got played

By a demagogue prepaid

It is time to sound the warning

Lest spend four more years in mourning

Are we sick and tired of the profits

He has made upon us all

And with the gall

November. No more sound of silence.

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Satire

Phony Staff …

“You said you would have the best and brightest.”

“No, I said our testing is the highest.”

It was enough to make even the sweet, kind and very patient Kaitlyncollins want to take a bite out of the nearest rock. She soldiered on.

“T-Rump, the Katherinedunntempas reported that your dino ‘A’ team, that is, the most influential dinos who advise you, has an 86% turnover rate. That’s higher than any of the five previous leaders. Why is that?”

“86 is a good, high number. It should be higher. Why not?”

“I beg your pardon? These are dinos who have your ear. How can you say that showing them the door is a good thing?”

“I’ll be fine when that number reaches 100%. Because that’s how often I’m right. And I reserve the right to base my opinion on the last dino to leave the cave. The very last. Even if they don’t come back.”

“T-Rump, the study goes on to show that 38% of your ‘A’ teams departures have undergone serial turnover.”

“Did you say cereal? I’m hungry.”

“No, those are departures that have turned over twice or more. The Reincepriebus, the Johnkelly, the Mickmulvaney and the Markmeadows. You’re on your fourth dino chief of staff. Add in five dino deputy chiefs of staff and that makes nine dinos who didn’t — and don’t — know if they’re coming or going. What message does that send, T-Rump?”

“Ahem. I don’t want any dino with ‘chief’ in their title to start thinking they’re chief of anything while I’m here. That’s why I save all of my personnel firings for the Friday night news dump. I’ll be making it my day. Some day soon, Friday will be known as T-Rumpday. I should have a week day named after me. That’s something else the Obamarus didn’t do.”

“Um, no, he didn’t. T-Rump, you’ve had eight different communications dinos as your mouthpiece to the Mediacircustops, though technically the Stephaniegrisham only spoke with the Foxquawkbox dinos. Let me rephrase that question because my investigative mind is on constant spin, rinse and recycle mode, trying to keep up with your personnel moves. Do you have any idea how many Foxsquawkbox dinos have worked for you?”

“A handful at best.”

“That would be four handfuls-plus. 21 dinos. Why is that, T-Rump?”

“Because I believe in their message. Great message. And the last dino that leaves the cave. Good dino, that last one. But then there’s silence. And I can’t go with that. I need to hear my voice. You too. But especially me.”

“The Flynnhasbeen, the Aycharrmcmaster, the Johnbolton and the Robertobrien — that’s four dino national security advisers. Shouldn’t Dino Nation be worried about your lack of faith in the dino in charge of defending us? Do you have any faith in the Robertobrien?”

“The Robert who? … Okay, that’s it. I’m done with you. Totally. No. No. … And no. The dino behind you. No, the other dino beside the other dino beside … that dino … behind you. No, not you. You, dammit. Wait a minute. Is that the Defleppardsaurus?”

 

We’re outta luck, get rid of

Lotta phony staff, we’re sick of

Stephenmiller, you’re too much

You’re the wicked one I wanna punch

I see your face every time you scheme

Like everyday, why are you so mean?

Trump’s child, Donny, bizarre to me

He lies just like, Kayleigh McEnany

Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town

Oh, look what you’ve done

(Phony staff) … We don’t want you

(Phony staff) … We don’t need you

(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff

We’ve had enough

 

So Jared Kushner, should not be there

KellyAnn shut up, if you dare

Such a woman, she’s so vile

And Mike Pompeo is a man-child, oh 

Barr has some kinda hold you see

On all who’ve lost their memory

And Pence can only bend the knee

We know he’s mother’s fantasy

Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town

Oh, look what you’ve done

You gotta leave us

(Phony staff) … We don’t want you

(Phony staff) … We don’t need you

(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff

You’re all stunned in the head!

 

Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town

Oh, look what you’ve done

You gotta leave us

(Phony staff) … We don’t want you

(Phony staff) … We don’t need you

(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff

I wanna punch you

O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h!

(Phony staff)

(Phony staff) … A phony staff

(Phony staff)

(Phony staff) … What are you good for?

(Phony staff) … Gotta get rid of

(Phony staff) … Gotta get rid of

(Phony staff) … Cuz your time has come

(Phony staff) … Screwed up so much

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!