“You said you would have the best and brightest.”
“No, I said our testing is the highest.”
It was enough to make even the sweet, kind and very patient Kaitlyncollins want to take a bite out of the nearest rock. She soldiered on.
“T-Rump, the Katherinedunntempas reported that your dino ‘A’ team, that is, the most influential dinos who advise you, has an 86% turnover rate. That’s higher than any of the five previous leaders. Why is that?”
“86 is a good, high number. It should be higher. Why not?”
“I beg your pardon? These are dinos who have your ear. How can you say that showing them the door is a good thing?”
“I’ll be fine when that number reaches 100%. Because that’s how often I’m right. And I reserve the right to base my opinion on the last dino to leave the cave. The very last. Even if they don’t come back.”
“T-Rump, the study goes on to show that 38% of your ‘A’ teams departures have undergone serial turnover.”
“Did you say cereal? I’m hungry.”
“No, those are departures that have turned over twice or more. The Reincepriebus, the Johnkelly, the Mickmulvaney and the Markmeadows. You’re on your fourth dino chief of staff. Add in five dino deputy chiefs of staff and that makes nine dinos who didn’t — and don’t — know if they’re coming or going. What message does that send, T-Rump?”
“Ahem. I don’t want any dino with ‘chief’ in their title to start thinking they’re chief of anything while I’m here. That’s why I save all of my personnel firings for the Friday night news dump. I’ll be making it my day. Some day soon, Friday will be known as T-Rumpday. I should have a week day named after me. That’s something else the Obamarus didn’t do.”
“Um, no, he didn’t. T-Rump, you’ve had eight different communications dinos as your mouthpiece to the Mediacircustops, though technically the Stephaniegrisham only spoke with the Foxquawkbox dinos. Let me rephrase that question because my investigative mind is on constant spin, rinse and recycle mode, trying to keep up with your personnel moves. Do you have any idea how many Foxsquawkbox dinos have worked for you?”
“A handful at best.”
“That would be four handfuls-plus. 21 dinos. Why is that, T-Rump?”
“Because I believe in their message. Great message. And the last dino that leaves the cave. Good dino, that last one. But then there’s silence. And I can’t go with that. I need to hear my voice. You too. But especially me.”
“The Flynnhasbeen, the Aycharrmcmaster, the Johnbolton and the Robertobrien — that’s four dino national security advisers. Shouldn’t Dino Nation be worried about your lack of faith in the dino in charge of defending us? Do you have any faith in the Robertobrien?”
“The Robert who? … Okay, that’s it. I’m done with you. Totally. No. No. … And no. The dino behind you. No, the other dino beside the other dino beside … that dino … behind you. No, not you. You, dammit. Wait a minute. Is that the Defleppardsaurus?”
We’re outta luck, get rid of
Lotta phony staff, we’re sick of
Stephenmiller, you’re too much
You’re the wicked one I wanna punch
I see your face every time you scheme
Like everyday, why are you so mean?
Trump’s child, Donny, bizarre to me
He lies just like, Kayleigh McEnany
Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town
Oh, look what you’ve done
(Phony staff) … We don’t want you
(Phony staff) … We don’t need you
(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff
We’ve had enough
So Jared Kushner, should not be there
KellyAnn shut up, if you dare
Such a woman, she’s so vile
And Mike Pompeo is a man-child, oh
Barr has some kinda hold you see
On all who’ve lost their memory
And Pence can only bend the knee
We know he’s mother’s fantasy
Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town
Oh, look what you’ve done
You gotta leave us
(Phony staff) … We don’t want you
(Phony staff) … We don’t need you
(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff
You’re all stunned in the head!
Oh, look what you’ve done to this whack-a-mole town
Oh, look what you’ve done
You gotta leave us
(Phony staff) … We don’t want you
(Phony staff) … We don’t need you
(Phony staff) … All we’ve got is a phony staff
I wanna punch you
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h!
(Phony staff)
(Phony staff) … A phony staff
(Phony staff)
(Phony staff) … What are you good for?
(Phony staff) … Gotta get rid of
(Phony staff) … Gotta get rid of
(Phony staff) … Cuz your time has come
(Phony staff) … Screwed up so much
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 