Thank You, On You We Depend …

This weekend, north of the Milkanhoney Preservation, came the collective roar of much celebrating by dinosaurs in Canadiana, home to the Backbaconsaurus. The ruckus reached the ears of the Tyrumposaurus, who turned to his latest sidekick-yet-to-be-kicked-out, the Mickmulvaney.

“Mick, what’s going on with our northern neighbours?”

“Why, it’s that time of year when Canadiana dinos from near and far come together to give thanks.”

“Really, I’d like you to get all the Grandoldparty dinos together so they can thank to me.”

“But we’re doing that in six weeks.”

“And we’re doing it now. Admit it, you can’t thank me enough.”

That was how dozens of Grandoldparty dinos came to gather before the T-Rump — six weeks early — to pay homage to him and celebrate all of his stunning accomplishments from the past year. 

This had of course once been the proud dino pack of the Abrahamlincoln but it had since thrown aside the rules of dino law and good government in favor of scaring the bejesus out of respectful dino folk. Absolutely nothing was sacred for the Tyrumposaurus as he continued his tenacious tenure as a strictly transactional tyrant. 

He’d be counting heads today and what have you done for me lately meant being here before him. And here they were. His all-star team of dino delinquents: the morose Moscowmitch, the clear as mud Kevinmccarthy, the jumpy Jimjordan, the mundane Markmeadows and dozens more Grandoldparty dinos who knew full well that calling out the T-Rump meant being culled from the herd.

That didn’t stop the one prevailing thought running through each of their scrawny noggins, which was how the Rudygiuliani and his Russo-ragamuffins, the Levparnas and the Igorfruman had been caught smearing the Marieyovanovitch in the T-Rump’s quest to get foreign dinos to help him win the next big battle. The truth was now coming out, entrapping powerful dinos like the Mikepompeo in a chain of corruption that led to the ringmaster himself. Impeachment was the white elephant squatting on all of them.

The T-Rump had wanted to build in an entertainment factor to this year’s giving of thanks, so he demanded they craft their message into a song. With extra harmony. He didn’t know what that meant. It was just his Big Word of the Day. This order for musical merriment was due in large part because no dinos liked singing at his battle campaign rallies. Indeed, many had demanded that he stop singing their songs or they would gladly roar obscenities in his ear.

The leader of the free running dino world smiled smugly, turned to his entourage, gave them the thumbs up and their tribute began …

 

Thank you, on you we depend

Traveled down a road and back again

Outsmart the few, we’ll grin and bear it, at every taunt

 

We’re not ashamed to say

We hope it always will stay this way

The jig is up, but you’re still here and we don’t know how

 

And if you threw a party

Invited everyone you knew

You would see, that most would flee but here we’d be

And puckering up to say

Thank you, on you we depend

Thank you, it’s fine you offend

Thank you, don’t let it all end

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear end

 

If you’re under attack

We’d surely, blindly protect your back 

Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

We’re not ashamed to say

We hope it always will stay this way

The jig is up, but you’re still here and we don’t know how

 

And when the Turks get bolder

And kill all the Kurds in their way

Have no fear, you’ve been perfectly clear

We will stand by you and say

Thank you, on you we depend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, it’s fine you offend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, don’t let it all end (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear end (We wanna spank you)

Let us not impeach! Amen! (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, it’s fine you offend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, don’t let it all end (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear end

 

And when we lose and slink away

Into the night, down Satan’s way

You’ll hear us call, as we descend

We’ll find you there, the devil’s friend

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear …

Mwa-a-a-h … mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah … mwa-a-a-h

 

Thank you, on you we depend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, it’s fine you offend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, don’t let it all end (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear end

Dinos, we can’t impeach! Amen! (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, it’s fine you offend (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, don’t let it all end (We wanna thank you)

Thank you, we’ll kiss your rear end 

Woah, we can’t impeach! Amen! (Thank you right now, don’t leave with my friend)

We wanna tell you right now and we’ll tell you again

We wanna spank you, spank you, spank your flabby rear end.