Tag: 200626

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Humor Satire The T-Rump Dig

(I Can’t Get No) Legal Action …

The Jerrynadler looked the dinos before him up and down, hemmed and hawed twice to air out his jowls — doctors orders — and paused for a moment. He forgot what he was going to say. Soon his brow brightened with said knowledge. He was finally ready to speak.

“The Dino Cave Judiciary hearing will now come to order. We are looking into the many, relentless, conniving, underhanded and unscrupulous ways that the leadership of the D.O.J., that is, the Dinos Open Jawed, has been continuously overstepping their bounds. That is my opening statement. My doctor told me to keep it brief … to um, pace myself so as not to give you sorry lot of Grandoldparty dinos the sport and glee of some medical catastrophe.”

“Damn!” said the Dougcollins of Georgia Orchard.

“Today we have a special Whistleblower legal dino, the Aaronzelinsky, with us. He’s no relation to the Ukraine Plain Zelensky, because you certainly don’t want to get me going on that. The Aaronzelinsky is here to help shed light on the shenanigans going on over at the DOJ. Your opening statement, please.”

“Thank you. If I may, I found that five minutes may not be enough time to thoroughly cover the full extent of the gross misconduct I witnessed, the constant barrage of threats leveled at me and to adequately represent the mental anguish they put me through. Is it okay if I take an extra 30 seconds?”

“I don’t see why anyone would have a problem with that. Go right ahead.”

But before the legal dino could begin, there came a rapping sound. All eyes turned to the Louiegohmert of the Lone Star-Texas region. He was rapping his claws loudly against the flat rock where he was squatting.

“Would the member of Lone Star-Texas kindly quit that incessant racket.”

“No, not until you take back that 30 seconds from the witness. First it’s thirty seconds and next thing it’s two whole minutes. We can’t trust you Donkeykongrus folk.”

“The witness will continue.”

But the rapping by the Louiegohmert went on instead.

“I want my thirty seconds too,” said the Lone Star Texas dino.

“You can’t have it.”

“Here we go!” said the Dougcollins. “You’re not following the Geneva Cave-In rules.”

“This isn’t the Geneva Cave-In.”

The rapping was irritating even the Dougcollins.

“Louie, would you cut that out? I’m speaking now, remember?”

“Sorry.”

The rapping stopped.

“Witness will continue.”

“Hey! I wasn’t done yet.”

“Yes you were.”

“Oh! S-u-u-u-r-r-r-e. That’s my loud put-upon voice again for those who don’t know me. I know the T-Rump loves it when I’m as disruptive as possible. What are you waiting for, Louie? Get rapping!”

The rapping began anew. The Jerrynadler frowned. His thoughts turned to blessed retirement. If he just ignore Gohmert, maybe the Lone Star loser would realize he looked like an idiot and would stop. But that realization was still on the other side of the planet, so Gohmert didn’t.

“Excuse me?” It was the Aaronzelensky.

“Yeah?” asked the Louisgohmert, still rapping obnoxiously.

“Could I get you to speed your rapping up a little bit?”

The Louisgohmert paused for a minute, completely caught off guard.

“You … want me to speed up my rapping? Uh, how come?”

“Because I like your style. I can use it as a backbeat. I think I’ll just go ahead and sing my opening statement.”

“You like my style, huh? Is this fast enough?”

He quickened his tempo.

“That’s fine.”

“Louie!” hollered the Dougcollins. “He’s tricking you, Louie! Stop! Slow down! Don’t do it, Louie!”

It was too late. Somebody liked his backbeat.

 

I can’t get no legal action

I can’t get no legal action

‘Cause I try and they lie and I try and they lie

I can’t get no

I can’t get no

T-Rump made Bill Barr the Czar

Who then tells me to just let it go

He’s tellin’ me more and more

About Geoff Berman’s resignation

Well, I’m tired of his translation

I can’t get no

Oh, no, no, no

Hey, hey, hey

It’s not okay

I can’t get no legal action

I can’t get no legal action

‘Cause I try and they lie and I try and they lie

I can’t get no

I can’t get no

 

When I’m watchin’ just to see

If someone’s gonna come tell me

We wanna set him free

We know he’s bad but the boss knows Roger Stone

So treat him like you’d treat me

I can’t get no

Oh, no, no, no

Hey, hey, hey

It’s not okay

I can’t get no legal action

I can’t get no straight infraction

‘Cause I try and they lie and I try and they lie

I can’t get no

I can’t get no

When I’m playin’ by the rules

And I got Flynn on this ‘cause Mueller said that

And I remember my law school

They told me, buddy, when they crack back, you make ‘em squeak

‘Cause all they know is their double speak

I can’t get no

Oh, no, no, no

Hey, hey, hey

It’s not okay

I can’t get no

I can’t get no

I can’t get no legal action

No legal action

No legal action

No legal action

I can’t get no

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Where Have All the Trumpers Gone? …

The two Okla-Tulsa workers went about their mundane task, taking turns with their tails, knocking down rock-by-rock the auxiliary flat rock lectern. Disgust weighed down their grunts. This was make work. The lectern had been set up for the secondary Tyrumposaurus rally point that never happened. The two dinos were locals, the Greenwood — a herbivore — and the Blackwallstreet. They went by Woody and Wally.

Woody’s tail stopped knocking rocks for a moment so he could catch his breath.

“I hear the T-Rump was mighty upset when he looked down from the cliff and saw such a small crowd of his dinos.”

“Yeah, them Firemarshall dinos were johnny-on-the-spot to say only sixty-two-hundred-and-thirteen dinos showed up. That’s some high countin’.”

“Not near enough for the T-Rump. They was expectin’ a hundred, then fifty, then forty thousand to show up. They was beggin’ that last coupla hours, Wally. Beggin’ they was.”

“H-o-o-o-e-e-e-e-e. That Brad Parscale, he started it all by predictin’ a million dinos was gonna show up. The Tyvankanatrix an’ the Kushneratops, they be P-O’d at him big-time.

“Capital P. Capital O.”

“Uh-huh. He be lucky if he can get a job promotin’ baby dino birthdays.”

“I don’t think so, Wally. He just leave cryin’ babies in his wake, he would. You know what that Daveyaxelrod says, a good Politicodino under promises and over delivers, not the other way around. That pooper-scooper Parscale, he’s got it the other way around.”

“Got his tail on backwards.”

“Thass right. And they had the privilege nerve, you know the nerve I’m talkin’ about?”

“Lordy, I do.”

“The nerve to say it was them protesters who kept them all out.”

“Them? Who dat? There was all of one little dino squattin’ there, causin’ no ruckus. Not one peep. She just had the wrong colored skin is all. No matter with that. Unh-uh. Still a free Dino Nation last time I checked.”

“Sure be. I hear those Tiktokkitytiktok dinos done punked the T-Rump. Imagine that. Little kids pullin’ one over on the most powerful dino in the Trumpassic Period. Wasn’t that special, Wally?”

“It sure was, but I gotta ask you somethin’.”

“Ask me what?” 

 

Where have all the Trumpers gone?

I’m just asking

Where have all the Trumpers gone?

They sink so low

Where have all the Trumpers gone?

They became bigots, one-by-one

When will justice return?

When will we ever learn?

 

Where have all the bigots gone?

I’m just asking

Where have all the bigots gone?

They hate to know

Where have all the bigots gone?

They became yes men, every one

When will justice return?

When will we ever learn?

 

Where have all the yes men gone?

I’m just asking

Where have all the yes men gone?

Say it ain’t so

Where have all the yes men gone?

They became grifters, one-by-one

When will justice return?

When will we ever learn?

 

Where have all the grifters gone?

I’m just asking

Where have all the grifters gone?

Our money they did blow

Where have all the grifters gone?

They became convicts, every one

When will justice return?

When will we ever learn?

 

Where have all the convicts gone?

I’m just asking

Where have all the convicts gone?

Pardoned like so

Where have all the convicts gone?

Back to Trumpers one-by-one

When will justice return?

When will we ever learn?

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

Categories
Humor Political Satire

The T-Rump Dig Podcast … Days 1243 & 1247

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-x3kvm-e08725

This week’s double-dose of T-Rump Traxx feature: Day 1243 — “Wasting My Time with You” … The Brianstelter locks horns with the Jennaellis … and Day 1247 — “Tulsa Time” … The T-Rump team descends on Okla-Tulsa. Head for the hills! … Dino tail wags to Foreigner and Eric Clapton. Enjoy!