“Dinos! We’ve got to get out in front of this!”
The Devilnunes waved his short arms in the air and glared down at his Grandoldparty brethren. Day one of the Tyrumposaurus impeachment hearings had not gone well. Oh, sure, the Erictyrumposaurus had labeled it a snooze fest and the Markmeadows had claimed to have hardly been able to keep his eyes open. But just maybe the Markmeadows was narcoleptic and after all, the afternoon was nap time for Eric.
“What are we going to do?” demanded the Devilnunes. He stared accusingly at the Jimjordan.
“Well, gee, Devil. I almost ran those two dinos over, I was talkin’ so fast. My tongue, my jaw, my whole face is sore today. Do you even remember what I said?”
“Something about six dinos having a four-way conversation.”
“I don’t even know how that’s possible. But it was pretty awesome, wasn’t it?”
“Except,” the Devilnunes pointed out. “The Billtaylor coughed up new, damning information. Apparently some dino staffer overheard the T-Rump ask the Gordonsondland about the investigations.”
The Chrisstewart jumped up from his haunches.
“Now, now. Let’s not panic. Maybe he was asking about investigations … into the weather?’
“Dinos don’t do weather, you idiot.”
“Investigations into clean water lagoons?”
A stern glare from the Devilnunes.
“His moolah-moolah leaves?”
“You’re not helping.”
“Okay, okay. Sheesh. Don’t have a cow.”
“Don’t you EVER say that to me!”
The Devilnunes paused, taking a deep breath. He waited a minute for the veins protruding two inches from his neck to relax and submerge back under the skin.
“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I know the Defleppardsaurus …”
The very next day the Devilnunes squatted down beside the T-Rump at the leader’s Rajun-Cajun rally. T-Rump smiled smugly, taking in the healthy applause from his naturally rabid followers. He elbowed the Devilnunes.
“So, what’s this about some new fight song? It had better mention me.”
“Yes, yes. Of course. We need to tamp down this impeachment annoyance. You’re going to love this. I told the Defleppardsaurus we needed a song that methodically trashed the Donkeykongrus and told the world how truly great the Grandoldparty dinos really are. I’m sure it will get the crowd warmed up, riled up and ready to roar.”
The Devilnunes then remembered he hadn’t heard the song yet.
“I — I’m pretty sure anyway.”
The Defleppardsaurus appeared from the wings, gave a thumbs up sign to the T-Rump and took the flat rock stage.
Talk away, if you dare to
So you say, second hand too
Well you had fun, the worst sham ever tried
Low-rent sequel that’s leakin’ out beside you
Rudy’s down another rabbit hole
T-Rump can’t take the fall
Whatever you do
We’ll be two steps behind you
It’s not that we’re slow
And we’ll storm the room to find you
Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime
What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind
Take your time
We surely need it
Swampy slime, you know we just can’t fight it
To your Star Chamber, okay, we seem unkind
You’re the cult that’s burnin’ up inside me
Now Rudy’s down another rabbit hole
T-Rump can’t take the fall
Whatever you do
We’ll be two steps behind you
It’s not that we’re slow
And we’ll storm the room to find you
Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime
What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind
Oh, No! …
Rudy’s down another rabbit hole
T-Rump can’t take the fall
Whatever you do
We’ll be two steps behind you
It’s not that we’re slow
And we’ll storm the room to find you
Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime
What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind
Horrific
Two steps behind
Pitiful
Two steps behind
………………………………………………………………………………..
Be sure and catch this Saturday’s The T-Rump Dig Podcast for musical renditions of Day 1026’s “Bloomberg” and today’s “Two Steps Behind.”
David Belisle 