Two Steps Behind …

“Dinos! We’ve got to get out in front of this!”

The Devilnunes waved his short arms in the air and glared down at his Grandoldparty brethren. Day one of the Tyrumposaurus impeachment hearings had not gone well. Oh, sure, the Erictyrumposaurus had labeled it a snooze fest and the Markmeadows had claimed to have hardly been able to keep his eyes open. But just maybe the Markmeadows was narcoleptic and after all, the afternoon was nap time for Eric.

“What are we going to do?” demanded the Devilnunes. He stared accusingly at the Jimjordan.

“Well, gee, Devil. I almost ran those two dinos over, I was talkin’ so fast. My tongue, my jaw, my whole face is sore today. Do you even remember what I said?”

“Something about six dinos having a four-way conversation.”

“I don’t even know how that’s possible. But it was pretty awesome, wasn’t it?”

“Except,” the Devilnunes pointed out. “The Billtaylor coughed up new, damning information. Apparently some dino staffer overheard the T-Rump ask the Gordonsondland about the investigations.”

The Chrisstewart jumped up from his haunches.

“Now, now. Let’s not panic. Maybe he was asking about investigations … into the weather?’

“Dinos don’t do weather, you idiot.” 

“Investigations into clean water lagoons?”

A stern glare from the Devilnunes.

“His moolah-moolah leaves?”

“You’re not helping.”

“Okay, okay. Sheesh. Don’t have a cow.”

“Don’t you EVER say that to me!”

The Devilnunes paused, taking a deep breath. He waited a minute for the veins protruding two inches from his neck to relax and submerge back under the skin.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I know the Defleppardsaurus …”

The very next day the Devilnunes squatted down beside the T-Rump at the leader’s Rajun-Cajun rally. T-Rump smiled smugly, taking in the healthy applause from his naturally rabid followers. He elbowed the Devilnunes.

“So, what’s this about some new fight song? It had better mention me.”

“Yes, yes. Of course. We need to tamp down this impeachment annoyance. You’re going to love this. I told the Defleppardsaurus we needed a song that methodically trashed the Donkeykongrus and told the world how truly great the Grandoldparty dinos really are. I’m sure it will get the crowd warmed up, riled up and ready to roar.”

The Devilnunes then remembered he hadn’t heard the song yet.

“I — I’m pretty sure anyway.”

The Defleppardsaurus appeared from the wings, gave a thumbs up sign to the T-Rump and took the flat rock stage.

 

Talk away, if you dare to

So you say, second hand too 

Well you had fun, the worst sham ever tried

Low-rent sequel that’s leakin’ out beside you

Rudy’s down another rabbit hole

T-Rump can’t take the fall

 

Whatever you do

We’ll be two steps behind you

It’s not that we’re slow

And we’ll storm the room to find you

Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime

What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind

 

Take your time

We surely need it

Swampy slime, you know we just can’t fight it

To your Star Chamber, okay, we seem unkind

You’re the cult that’s burnin’ up inside me

Now Rudy’s down another rabbit hole 

T-Rump can’t take the fall

 

Whatever you do

We’ll be two steps behind you

It’s not that we’re slow

And we’ll storm the room to find you

Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime

What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind

 

Oh, No! …

 

Rudy’s down another rabbit hole

T-Rump can’t take the fall

Whatever you do

We’ll be two steps behind you

It’s not that we’re slow

And we’ll storm the room to find you

Cuz a conspiracy theory is a precious crime

What’s goin’ down? … We’ll be two steps behind

Horrific

Two steps behind

Pitiful

Two steps behind

………………………………………………………………………………..

Be sure and catch this Saturday’s The T-Rump Dig Podcast for musical renditions of Day 1026’s “Bloomberg” and today’s “Two Steps Behind.”

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