“Alright, you lily-livered, pale-scale walnut-heads! Listen up!”
The Sergeantcarter drilled his squad of sleepy-eyed Militarysaurae with both eyeballs, looking them up and down as he waddled down the line. It was oh-six-hundred hours outside their cramped, damp caves, the nearest Militarysaurae hoof camp to the Kenosha-Sheboygan shenanigans.
“It’s come down from on high, straight from the Markmilley, that we are to continue with Operation Warpmind. Think clandestine. Nefarious. Extra nasty. That is, we take whatever violence we see and blow it out of proportion, so much so that we continue to get these local yokels coming out of the bushes and other dingleberry dinos traveling overland for days on end … with a hate on the size of the T-Rump’s ego. We need these agitators runnin’ roughshod all over the place. The more the merrier, I say. ”
“Uh, Sarge?”
It was the Gomerpyle, a recent recruit with an unwavering moral compass and a naive noggin only outweighed by his in-your-face friendliness.
“What is it, Gomer?”
“Are we still calling these peaceful protesters anarchists and Marxists?”
“That’s right.”
“G-o-o-o-o-l-l-y. They sure look peaceful though. I saw a couple of them sleeping side-by-side the other day under a tree? A big ol’ Magnolia. It was as thick as my pappy’s tail?”
“The point, Pyle. Your point?”
“Okay, Sarge. Sure. You see, they were sleeping. And as they were sleeping a little ol’ magnolia blossom floated down from the tree and it got caught in mid-air over the one dino’s nostril, you see. Just a few inches above? It just kind of hung there, only when the nostril flared and exhaled — Sur-prise! Sur-prise! Sur-prise! It went over above the other dino’s nostril and the same thing happened all over again. Again and again. Shazam! I just sat there and watched. (Sigh) Just as peaceful as can be. I hope you don’t mind that I did that, Sarge?”
“Gomer, do you know the difference between protesting and sleeping?”
“Oh, sure. That would be insomnia.”
The Sergeantcarter grumbled under his breath.
“Uh, Sarge? I have another question? These foreign dinos joining up with us? They have no visible markings. I don’t even know their names. I know you said we don’t have to know their names, but what if something happens to them and you know, we have to notify their next of kin? It made me think of my mammy and my pappy …”
“You leave your mammy and your pappy out of this! No fraternizing. Period.”
“Because they’re the enemy?”
“No, because they’re our friends and this is restricted to a need-to-know basis.”
“Right as rain, Sarge. I need to know the name of a friend.”
“No you don’t, Pyle. What I need to know is if you finished that song I told you to write for the whole camp. So we can sing it when we’re marching. At night. When no one else is listening. To drive home the point of this whole operation. In case any other dino is getting any ideas about making friends. Did you finish it?
“Sure, Sarge. Just like you wanted it.”
“Good, now don’t forget to sing it in your jim-dandy, right-neighbourly voice. And that’s an order!”
…
Dealing down ‘n’ dirty, rookies on the scene
Wet behind the ears in their l’il wet dream
They want a little play time and they took the bait
I can’t see the bloodshed if I keep lookin’ straight
Fill my eyes with that tunnel vision
In disguise with that tunnel vision
Ooh, these weekend wannabes, it’s better them than me
My tunnel vision is the test of me!
We are only here to, to plant the seed
Chaos is bracing, we just give it what it needs
Tonight’s the fight, the newbies think they’re gonna win it
We’ll sit and watch from outside the city limit
Fill my eyes with that tunnel vision
In disguise with that tunnel vision
Ooh, these weekend wannabes, it’s better them than me
My tunnel vision always seems to be the test of me, the test of me!
Ooh, tunnel vision
I need my tunnel vision
Ooh, it helps me forget the dead, forgettin’ all of the dead
I got my tunnel vision
Seeing tunnel-tunnel
Ooh, my tunnel vision
Ooh, tunnel vision
I got tunnel vision
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 