Satire The T-Rump Dig

Born Free …

Thousands of dinos continued demonstrating outside the Oval Dwelling. The protest against dino police brutality and racism had been going on for a dozen days. After some earlier shenanigans, the demonstrators were peaceful. …

Thousands of dinos continued demonstrating outside the Oval Dwelling. The protest against dino police brutality and racism had been going on for a dozen days. After some earlier shenanigans, the demonstrators were peaceful. Their determined, vigorous chants filled the air, “We are here! The real McCoy! Listen up, T-Rump, you Bunker Boy!”

The Tyrumposaurus frowned from his Oval Dwelling squat. He looked to the Williambarr.

“Tell me we can move the Oval Dwelling. I can’t stand their yelling. Why don’t we just move the Oval Dwelling to one of my luxury caves?”

“Sorry, boss. We can’t move the Oval Dwelling. And we’ve moved the protesting dinos back as far as we can without causing more civil unrest.”

“This has been going on days. I can’t lead with all this noise. What are they protesting again?”

“Black Lives Matter and dino police brutality.”

“What brutality? That’s the way the dino police are supposed to respond when you’ve got this many dinos in one place — who aren’t worshipping me. Make Dino Nation great again with a whack upside the head.”

The Williambarr looked from the Homeland Security dino, the Chadwolf, to the Secretary of Rural Caves, the Bencarson, and back to the T-Rump. The leader of the free-running dino world sniffed the air. He knew something was up. 

“Oh, no. Not another hostage speech. Don’t even go there. I come off looking like a sniveling idiot last time. And the time before that. You know I don’t do empathy.”

“But, T-Rump. The dinos out there need a calming influence. Show them that we’re on the same page, even if we’re not. All you need to do is go out there and lie to them like you always do.”

“I can’t. My base is two steps left of lulu. If I send them a mixed message on whatever level of lies we’re up to, I’m liable to lose another 37 dinos. We’re stretched thin enough as it is. You’ve seen the polls. That damn sleepy Joebiden is at 50%.” He practically hissed his next words. “The Crookadillary never got that high.”

No one needed to point out that neither had the T-Rump. No one that wanted to keep their teeth. The chants continued outside.

“Stop this pandemic! Racism Systemic!”

“What the hell are they going on about?” asked the T-Rump.

“400 years of a white feet on black necks,” said the Williambarr.

“Oh, c’mon. Just because I wouldn’t let them live in my caves. But I have you three here to give me your views on this systemic whatever. Make it snappy. Last one speaking has the best chance of being remembered. Go ahead, Billy.”

“Well, I understand the distrust of the black dino given the history of Dino Nation. I’ll give them that.”

“B-o-o-r-r-i-n-g. Chad?”

“The dino police are fine dinos that protect us everyday. It’s a shame they’re being lumped together on this.”

“Better. What about you, Ben? And be careful if you want to stay a Grandoldparty dino. There’s just you, the Williamhurd and the Timscott on that, uh … race thing.”

“Actually,” the Willliambarr interrupted. “The Williamhurd is a lame duck dino.”

“My point entirely. Well, Ben?”

“We have a few rogue dinos, but most of the dino police are good dinos. I could tell you some real stories about racism back in the day.”

“Save it. Got no time for it. Few rogue dinos. Mental note. What’s rogue mean again?”

But before the Williambarr could answer, there came the loud voice of one of the dino protesters outside.

“Yes, that’s right. Black Lives DO Matter. We need to end dino police brutality and the systemic racism that’s so prevalent in our lives today. We need to remind everyone that black dinos are born equal … they are born to succeed … and they are born free.”

And the protester broke into song.


George Floyd and Breonna Taylor

Michael Dean, Eric Reason

George Floyd, Pamela Turner

Botham Jean, Antwon Rose the second

Stephon Clark, Terrence Cutcher

Jordan Edwards, Paul O’Neal

Philando Castile of St. Paul

Alton Sterling, Bettie Jones

Nathaniel Pickett Junior

George Floyd and Samuel DuBose

Freddie Gray, Walter Scott

And Eric Harris

Young Tamir Rice of Cleveland

Laquan McDonald

George Floyd, Michael Brown Ferguson

Eric Garner New York

Trayvon Martin, George Floyd


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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