Meet the Akhmetshinesia …

Another day, another dinosaur. Sometimes I think I’m the luckiest politico-paleontologist in the world. These poor dinos however, may be the unluckiest. If these bones weren’t so old, I’d consider donning a hazmat suit. The osteocollusionitis bone disease continues to run rampant, as was the case with my latest find. It’s a bone from the hard-to-find Akhmetshinesia, another Kayjeebeeops theropod. Like the Veselnitschemus, he’s directly linked to the Acheroraptor, whose name — scout’s honor — translates to “underworld thief.” The Akhmetshinesia was also known to drink at the same Trumpassic trough as the previously discovered Kasperskisaurus.

I have important new information on the cause of the osteocollusionitis outbreak. Previously thought to be an airborne illness, it actually spread in a drip, drip, drip fashion. Dinosaurs simply soaked in too much dirt together at watering holes. 

I’m also finding mud cracks in the eroding confidencia, a combustible layer of all-hail shale found in what I’m introducing as the T-Rump Tower classification. That is, top-down levels of sediment yet to be discovered.

This all gives me pause. Sometimes I have to sit back and view the situation as it must have been seen through the eyes of the Zakariaraptor, a straight-winged dinosaur with an unbiased flight plan, flying over the heart of the Trumpassic Period. The Zakariaraptor must have thought the following items frankly mystifying:

  1. Would other dinosaurs have taken that meeting at the watering hole if they’d been aware of the threat of osteocollusionitis?
  2. Were T-Rump Jr. and others simply doing opposition research on Crookadillary?
  3. In a battle day meeting with the Macronodon (a “big, enigmatic lizard” from the Champagne Beds), was it just the hot air or did T-Rump have an eye on the impending doom of climate change?
  4. With the Kushneratops’ osteocollusionitis being the most advanced, are his free-running days over? Will his safety and security receive clearance from the Yankeestadia?  These were mythical, old school dinosaurs who preyed on the Kayjeebeeops and who I’m still hoping to find.

It was that kind of day, tiring but exhilarating. My discovery of the Macronodon almost got lost in the shuffling, shifting dirt. Thank god for dirt sifters.

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