https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wb9zm-d83936
As the Coronavirus ravages the land, some Dino Nation governors are standing up for … what?! This week’s double-shot of T-Rump delirium-to-dance-to features: Day 1166 — “Get Back” and Day 1170 — “Gimme Shelter” … A hearty wag of the dino tail of course to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Enjoy!
“Come on in. Step lively, dinos,”
The three dino governors trampled in before the Tyrumposaurus, long tails not so much wagging as ready to lodge between their legs in an instant.
There was the Neverglades’ Rondesantis, the Briankemp from Sweet Georgia Down and the Gregabbott of Tinstar Texas.
The T-Rump eyed them with that measured gaze his aides immediately recognized as meaning he wished he was anywhere but here.
“So I called you in here to sort some things out.”
He paused. The three visitors fidgeted in the uncomfortable silence.
“And those things would be …” ventured the Neverglades governor.
The T-Rump rose from his squat and headed for the exit.
“I’m leaving it to the Dino Nation’s leaders. You figure it out, Desenseless.”
“That’s Desantis.”
And the T-Rump was gone.
“I hate it when he does that,” said the Gregabbott.
“Yeah,” said the Briankemp. “Now we have to think for ourselves.”
The three dinos puzzled for several minutes.
“Wait,” said the Rondesantis. “His demeanour. That’s it.”
“What’s it?” said the Gregabbott.
“This Stay in the Cave thing. The last time he said it, his demeanour ever so slightly changed. I remember thinking maybe it was something he ate, but no, that had to be it.”
“Are you sure?”
The Rondesantis shrugged.
“Not really. So I’ll put a Stay in the Cave order in place. Then I’ll immediately put a second order in place telling my dino officials that my guidelines supersede anything they have in place. They may think I’m restricting them but I’ll tell them I’m really not. Confuse the hell out of’em.
“Sounds pretty complicated,” said the Briankemp. “I’m just gonna keep it simple. Nothin’ super here. I’ll tell’em I didn’t know that dinos who weren’t sick could be spreadin’ the illness. And that I only found out about this in the last day or so.”
The Gregabbott could only shake his head in wonder.
“Wow. Asymptomatic has only been the word of the day for 30 straight days.”
“ Ay … sim … toe … I give up. What’s it mean?”
“It means I’m going to wait a day before announcing anything because your two, ahem … excuses will just obscure mine. And I’m not going to call it a Stay in the Cave order. I’ll just say you can go out if you’re on an essential or important activity. After all, I may have 41 dead dinos, but there’s still a helluva lotta regions in Tinstar Texas without one case. Not a one.”
“Okay then,” said the Rondesantis. “Do I have a second that this was a productive meeting?”
“You can take all the time you want,” said the Briankemp.
“Uh, in closing, as is our usual custom then, at the end of our meetings …”
The Briankemp bounced up and down.
“Our song! We’re gonna sing our song.”
The Gregabbott nodded, the RondeSantis smiled, the winds whistled, stones rolled and their tails tapped out their own harsh beat of reality.
Ooh, T-Rump is threat’ning
Like he does everyday
And if I say take shelter
Oh yeah, he’s gonna make me pay
More millions, I almost got away
I almost got away
More millions, I almost got away
I almost got away
Ooh, see the choir is weepin’
Our virus church today
Burns like a dragon’s gargle
For those we hold sway
More killin’, who am I to say
Who am I to say
More killin’, who am I to say
Who am I to say
I’m a sheep herder!
I just forgot the way
I just forgot the way
I’m a sheep herder!
I just forgot the day
I just forgot the day
I’m a sheep herder!
I just forgot to say
I just forgot to say
Ayup, T-Rump is threat’ning
Like he does everyday
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or he’s gonna make me pay
More millions, I almost got away
I almost got away
I almost got away
I almost got away
I almost got away
Push comes to shove, mister, It’s just a diss away
It’s just a diss away
It’s just a diss away
It’s just a diss away
It’s just a diss away
Diss away, diss away
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
What the hell was that? Would somebody please tell her what had just happened? The Joebiden, the Berniesanders, the Elizabethwarren – face it, every dino with a pulse – had roared past her in yesterday’s big day of Donkeykongrus leadership races.
It was The Wednesday After and the Tulsigabbard stared in wonder at her soul mate and pet rock Lulu, who sat there stone-faced.
“I feel your warmth and sympathy,” she said, stroking Lulu’s smooth side.
They sat quietly ruminating in Tulsi’s makeshift battle campaign headquarters. It was a small dank cave they shared with Sluggo, a four-foot-long, one-foot-wide slug. Rent was cheap, fifty moolah-moolah leaves a month. The only drawback was that Sluggo was always under foot. He claimed to be a Waikiki Leech but Tulsi knew better. Poor Sluggo sucked at sticking to anything. Hence he was always on the ground. In the way. He inched her way now.
“So? You pullin’ out?”
“What do you think?”
“You really think the Putinodon is going to come waltzing in with a million dinos at the last minute to carry the day with you?”
“Nothing’s impossible. I’m still here, aren’t I?”
Sluggo nodded to Lulu with a smirk.
“Because Lulu hasn’t told you yet to get out.”
“You leave Lulu out of this.”
“She can’t talk, Tulsi.”
“Lulu’s a selective mute.”
“Lulu’s a rock.”
“I told you not to call her that. You know she’s my therapy pebble.”
Tulsi wanted to kick Sluggo right in the … wherever. Except her foot might get stuck. She cringed at the thought.
“Sluggo? You suck.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Just then a stone rolled into the cave. The slug brightened.
“Hey, a rolling stone.” He looked to Lulu. “Someone you know?”
More stones rolled in.
“The whole gang’s here now.”
The incoming stones were the result of a passing entourage of dozens of Donkeykongrus dinos.
“Aren’t you going to go see who it is?” asked Sluggo.
“I know who it is. Another stupid parade for some damn Donkeykongrus dino not named me. What do I have to do to get my message through to all these walnut brains?”
Sluggo looked from her to the stones around them and back to her.
“I’m going to guess that was a rhetorical question?”
Tulsi shook her head and sank dejectedly back into her squat, burying her head in her hands. Sluggo inched his way through the stones.
“Hey, guys. Since we’re all here. Let’s sing her a song. To cheer her up.”
Tulsi, doubtful, looked up from her funk. Nobody sang to her any more. Something about the angry glare in her eyes.
But real stones don’t sing of course. A song however did reach inside the Tulsigabbard headquarters, a song sung by the Donkeykongrus faithful outside as they tromped down the path. Their song came in loud and clear. Too clear.
He’d forever say his time would come
They’d say his chances were slim and none
Fourteen states in sight
His future once so bright
Then from south
This phoenix rose
Goodbye, Super Tuesday
Joe did hang his name on you
Pete and Amy, you quit to make way
Still he’s gonna kiss you
Don’t question why he leads good ol’ Bernie
It’s Texas, Arkansas and Tennessee
It just seems insane
The T-Rump did sprain his brain
The smallest cost
For nothing lost
Goodbye, Super Tuesday
Joe did hang his name on you
Pete and Amy, you quit to make way
Still he’s gonna kiss you
Bloomberg knew he’d lose, to Joe he’ll say
Catch your dreams because I’ll pay your way
Trying all this time
Warren wonders how she was left behind
Ain’t life so kind?
Goodbye, Super Tuesday
Joe did hang his name on you
Pete and Amy, you quit to make way
Still he’s gonna kiss you
Goodbye, Super Tuesday
Joe did hang his name on you
Pete and Amy, you quit to make way
Still he’s gonna kiss you
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle