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Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Gimme Shelter …

“Come on in. Step lively, dinos,”
The three dino governors trampled in before the Tyrumposaurus, long tails not so much wagging as ready to lodge between their legs in an instant. 
There was the Neverglades’ Rondesantis, the Briankemp from Sweet Georgia Down and the Georgeabbott of Tinstar Texas.

“Come on in. Step lively, dinos,”

The three dino governors trampled in before the Tyrumposaurus, long tails not so much wagging as ready to lodge between their legs in an instant. 

There was the Neverglades’ Rondesantis, the Briankemp from Sweet Georgia Down and the Gregabbott of Tinstar Texas.

The T-Rump eyed them with that measured gaze his aides immediately recognized as meaning he wished he was anywhere but here.  

“So I called you in here to sort some things out.”

He paused. The three visitors fidgeted in the uncomfortable silence.

“And those things would be …” ventured the Neverglades governor.

The T-Rump rose from his squat and headed for the exit.

“I’m leaving it to the Dino Nation’s leaders. You figure it out, Desenseless.”

“That’s Desantis.”

And the T-Rump was gone.

“I hate it when he does that,” said the Gregabbott.

“Yeah,” said the Briankemp. “Now we have to think for ourselves.”

The three dinos puzzled for several minutes. 

“Wait,” said the Rondesantis. “His demeanour. That’s it.”

“What’s it?” said the Gregabbott.

“This Stay in the Cave thing. The last time he said it, his demeanour ever so slightly changed. I remember thinking maybe it was something he ate, but no, that had to be it.”

“Are you sure?”

The Rondesantis shrugged.

“Not really. So I’ll put a Stay in the Cave order in place. Then I’ll immediately put a second order in place telling my dino officials that my guidelines supersede anything they have in place. They may think I’m restricting them but I’ll tell them I’m really not. Confuse the hell out of’em.

“Sounds pretty complicated,” said the Briankemp. “I’m just gonna keep it simple. Nothin’ super here. I’ll tell’em I didn’t know that dinos who weren’t sick could be spreadin’ the illness. And that I only found out about this in the last day or so.” 

The Gregabbott could only shake his head in wonder.

“Wow. Asymptomatic has only been the word of the day for 30 straight days.”

“ Ay … sim … toe … I give up. What’s it mean?”

“It means I’m going to wait a day before announcing anything because your two, ahem … excuses will just obscure mine. And I’m not going to call it a Stay in the Cave order. I’ll just say you can go out if you’re on an essential or important activity. After all, I may have 41 dead dinos, but there’s still a helluva lotta regions in Tinstar Texas without one case. Not a one.”

“Okay then,” said the Rondesantis. “Do I have a second that this was a productive meeting?”

“You can take all the time you want,” said the Briankemp.

“Uh, in closing, as is our usual custom then, at the end of our meetings …”

The Briankemp bounced up and down.

“Our song! We’re gonna sing our song.”

The Gregabbott nodded, the RondeSantis smiled, the winds whistled, stones rolled and their tails tapped out their own harsh beat of reality.

 

Ooh, T-Rump is threat’ning

Like he does everyday

And if I say take shelter

Oh yeah, he’s gonna make me pay

 

More millions, I almost got away 

I almost got away

More millions, I almost got away

I almost got away

 

Ooh, see the choir is weepin’

Our virus church today

Burns like a dragon’s gargle

For those we hold sway

 

More killin’, who am I to say

Who am I to say

More killin’, who am I to say

Who am I to say

 

I’m a sheep herder!

I just forgot the way

I just forgot the way

I’m a sheep herder!

I just forgot the day

I just forgot the day

I’m a sheep herder!

I just forgot to say

I just forgot to say

 

Ayup, T-Rump is threat’ning

Like he does everyday

Gimme, gimme shelter

Or he’s gonna make me pay

 

More millions, I almost got away

I almost got away

I almost got away

I almost got away

I almost got away

 

Push comes to shove, mister, It’s just a diss away

It’s just a diss away

It’s just a diss away

It’s just a diss away

It’s just a diss away

Diss away, diss away

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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