Humor Political Satire Satire The T-Rump Dig

Madam Speaker …

The Simonandgarfunkel minstrel dino tells us that heaven holds a place for those who pray. Especially those in search of the Big Story. 

The Manuraju, a young, earnest Mediacircustops, leaned against a rock pillar and yawned. It was late in the day in the Kongrus Kave. He needed a Donkeykongrus or a Grandoldparty — any dino — to throw him a bone. He heard a noise and looked up. Bingo. Said bone was coming his way. He gasped. Could it be? Yes! The Nancypelosi. A golden bone. He would have her all to himself. He paused at his great fortune. His hands turned clammy and beads of sweat sprung from his brow. Flop sweat was in the offing. This was too good to be true. She was the most powerful female dino in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir. 40 years his elder. Still in great shape too. Her mere presence intimidated him. What to ask? How to act? She stopped before him. Mind racing, he blurted out the first thing that came to his head.

“Are you trying to run out the clock?”

She looked at him and smiled demurely.

“Let’s get sophisticated about this, okay? May I ask you a question?”

He nodded with rapt attention.

“What do you think of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve known me nearly all of your Mediacircustops life. You must have formed some opinion.”

“Well — I’ve always thought that you were a very — nice — dinosaur.”

“Did you know I legalized wacky-tobaccy?”


“Did you know that?”

“Look — I think I should stop here …”

“Squat there, Manu.”

“Madam Speaker — if you don’t mind me saying so — this conversation is getting a little strange. Now I’m sure the Cryingchuckschumer will be here any minute.”



“He should be filibustering for several hours.”

Her tail slithered slowly on the ground, side to side.



“Oh no, Madam Speaker, oh no.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Madam Speaker, you didn’t — I mean you didn’t expect …”


“I mean — you didn’t really think that I would ask a question like that.”

“Like what?”

“What do you think?”

“Well I don’t know.”

“For God’s sake, Madam Speaker, here we are, in the halls of dino justice, your tail slithering like that, opening up about your wacky tobaccy and telling me the Cryingchuckschumer won’t be here for hours. These are serious talking points.”


“Madam Speaker — you are trying to score with me.”

They paused to look at each other. Manu was confused.

“Aren’t you?”

“Why no. I hadn’t thought of it. I feel rather flattered that you –”

“Madam Speaker, will you forgive me for how I phrased that question?”

“It’s all right.”

“It’s not all right, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever asked any dino.”


“Please forgive me. Because I respect you. I don’t think of you that way. But I have a deadline.”

“All right. Now finish your question.”

“Madam Speaker, it makes me sick that I said that to you.”

“We’ll forget it right now. Finish your question.”

“What is wrong with me?”



“Will you ask the big question? Because it’s time for me to go home to bed.”

“Oh. Well, goodnight.”

“Won’t you ask the big question?”

“I’d rather not, Madame Speaker.”

“If you still think I’m trying to score with you …”

“No, I don’t. But I just feel a little funny.”

“Why is it?”

“Because I’m confused about things here in the Kongrus Kave. I can’t tell what I’m imagining. I can’t tell what’s real. I can’t …”

“Would you like to score with me?”


“Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“This interview is over right now. I apologize for what I said. I hope you can forget it. But I’m finished right now.

He turned to leave.



“I want to say something first. These talking points: the investigation, the articles and impeachment. They are several bases to cover. First base. Second base. Third base. Accomplishing that, we can go all the way.”

“Jesus Christ!”

“Manu — I want you to know I’m available to you. If you don’t want to score this time …”

“Oh my god.”

“If you don’t want to score with me this time, Manu, I want you to know you can call me anytime you want and we’ll make some kind of arrangement.”

“That’s a wrap!”

“Do you understand what I said?”

“Yes. Yes. I’m outta here!!”

There was the sound of an approaching dinosaur. It was the Cryingchuckschumer.

“Why hello, Manu. Say, I have a bombshell of an impeachment announcement you might want to know about.”

“Sorry, can’t stay. Gotta run!”

The Manuraju raced off into the darkness.

“Gee,” the Cryingchuckschumer said to the Nancypelosi. “What got into him? Kid’s got a nose for news. Always looking for the big score.”

“Not tonight he isn’t.”