Rudy the Red-Nosed Gangster …

Had the Rudygiuliani really become one of … them?

Say it wasn’t so. But the Olivianuzzi, a soul-searching Mediacircustops shook her head. Sadly, it was very so.

All the other Crumbumadon dinosaurs who had once called Rudy names because he was busting their chops as a tough, legal dino in Manhatinhand were now in cahoots with him. An awkward alliance as the unsung, unsavory underlings of the T-Rump-Putinodon plutocracy. An unwieldy, beastly abomination if there ever was one.

The Olivianuzzi had just concluded an impromptu meeting with the Rudygiuliani at the Bloody Mary end of the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir, where only the bravest usurpers of T-Rump power slurped. Not while he was there of course. He detested dirty water drinkers. 

She replayed the meeting in her head …

The Rudygiuliani told her he’d snuck out of the Ukraine Plain a day early. Snuck out before he was kicked out? She wondered. She asked him how he ever got mixed up with the  Igorfruman and the Levparnas, two dinos who now faced time in the Solitary Sinkhole for their shady shenanigans in interfering with Milkanhoney Preservation battle campaigns.

“They looked like they were from the Neverglades. They looked like Miami Reach dinos to be exact. Miami Reach! Any dino who’s from Miami Reach has to be perfectly legitimate. I mean, there are so many Russodinos there,” Rudy said after another deep slurp. As he straightened, red rivulets streamed down his wide, scaled belly. He didn’t notice.

“Hey, they didn’t kill any dinos. Not one, because I don’t work with killers. That’s where I draw the line. I know how not to commit a crime. That’s why the T-Rump hired me.” 

She told him he was crazy.

“No I’m not. Really. Look, I have no business being in the Ukraine Plain. None whatsoever.” He blinked. “Oh, did I tell you a couple of things I was up to while I was there?”

It was all downhill from there, more ranting and raving from the googly-eyed dino. Nonsensical. She’d ended the interview and looked on in awe at this supreme cliff-dive from grace.

“What happened, Rudy? What the hell happened? You used to be so … good.”

“Good? Hah! I don’t care about my legacy. Legacy, schmegacy. Schmeggy!” he exclaimed, looking off in the distance of his memory. “Good ol’ Schmeggy. He was a young dino — big overbite — beat me up every day after school.” He sighed. “Those were the days.”

“Uh, we were talking about your legacy?”

“You just spoke with me. You make my legacy.”

“Me?”

“Sure. You know me. Go for it.”

So I did. Right there. Twenty minutes later I was done. Apparently so was Rudy. In going for another drink, he’d bumped into two trees and walked right through a bush without noticing. This was what the wrong end of the lagoon did to a dino.

Here goes nothing. I’d get his attention and just sail in …

 

Rudy … Rudy …

Rudy the Red-Nosed Gangster,

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw it

You’d say his veins were varicose.

All of the other gangsters

Used to fear and loathe his name

But T-Rump told ol’ Rudy,

“Welcome to my new con games.”

 

Then one swampy, selfish eve

T-Rump came to say,

“Rudy, with this Biden fight

Won’t you find some Ukraine blight?”

Then how the gangsters loved him

For protecting their crime spree

Rudy the Red-Nosed Gangster

Who ya gonna shame for me?

 

Rudy the Red-Nosed Gangster

Forgets a lot of what he knows

And if you ever heard him

You would say it surely shows.

All of the other gangsters

Used to make outlandish claims

But now T-Rump sics Rudy

On whoever’s to be framed.

 

Then one swampy, selfish eve

T-Rump came to say,

“Impeachment is no highlight

Won’t you guide my trial, alright?”

Then how the T-Rump loved him

As he slapped a weakened knee,

“Rudy the Red-Nosed Gangster,

You’ll go down w-a-a-a-y before me.”

 

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!