Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house of the Grandoldparty — whose young tot shall remain anonymous lest the Tyrumposaurus feel the need to upstage said party member’s young dino by bringing his own innocent offspring into the fray, at the consuming, fuming consternation of the Tymelania. But I predictably digress … as does any Trumpassic Period timeline.
The Grandoldparty dino’s tot couldn’t sleep. Visions of slow-running red meat and funny-looking leaves not to be run through were interrupted by the sudden pride he felt for his father. Daddy. Who made sure they still had a cave roof over their heads, better than so many dinos on the other side of the jungle tracks these days. Daddy only had to work one job. That made Daddy important.
As did all dino tots, he looked up to his Daddy. Sure, the other dinos in the school yard picked on him sometimes and called his Daddy names but what did they know? He wished he knew. Daddy was a good dino. His hero. He was there when things were bad, like when he kept wading into water and it suddenly was over his head. Daddy was good for noticing that. Daddy he could turn to. Mommy was always worrying about him getting eaten. Daddy said what didn’t kill you, you should kill. The dino tot could share his feelings with Daddy on anything. Daddy always put him on the right path. Especially when they were hungry. Daddy knew best. Daddy wouldn’t let him down. That’s why he loved him with all his heart. Every bit of it.
The dino tot’s stomach gurgled, growled, gurgled and growled some more. He rose from his sleep. He must be hungry. Yeah, that was it. His sleepy eyes brightened. Maybe Daddy would take him down a path that led to a nice, big, tasty late-night snack. He got out of his nest and wandered outside their cave into the darkness.
What happened next would be frozen in his mind for years to come. Wise old dinos would later take him under their wing, urging him to sing about his ordeal to help ease the bitter sting of such trauma. All part of the recovery process of course. The song? It went something like this …
I saw Daddy kissing T-Rump’s butt
Squatting beside Crapper Creek last night
He didn’t see me weep
At the thought of him so cheap
It was therapy I’d seek
To forever fall asleep
Then I saw Daddy drop to T-Rump’s knee
And look up at him, eyes wide with fright
Oh, it was a pathetic scene
And it made my face turn green
Daddy kissing T-Rump’s butt last night
Then, I saw Daddy licking T-Rump’s feet
Between all his toes, oh, what a sight!
It was the grossest thing I’ve seen
How he sucked and licked them clean!
Daddy kissing T-Rump’s butt last night
Oh, how could one man be so mean?
He made Daddy look obscene
Daddy kissing T-Rump’s butt last night
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 