“You say those are the facts, Dana, but you don’t know. Only I know.”
The Markmeadows was red in the face. Again. If it was possible to watch a 60-year-old dino throw a hissy-fit pout, this was it. In a matter of minutes the Danabash, a dogged Mediacircustops, had methodically torn off strip after strip from the Markmeadows hide. All with the simple tools of truth and logic. Oh, the Markmeadows had tried his best to obfuscate, lie and deny — trademark tricks in the T-Rump Team arsenal — but he came across looking like the dino who said he did NOT eat the last drumstick that was somehow still stuck between his teeth.
It was Articles of Impeachment week in the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir and the Oval Dwelling was positively reeling. The Grandoldparty had decided they were not going to attend the next round of dino judge hearings. Perhaps a good idea because their case was based on hot air and hotter tempers. Better to bring their kangaroo court to the Sin Hut trial when they’d have the edge in dino numbers and therefore able to call witnesses who had nothing whatsoever to do with the T-Rump. So what if the T-Rump got impeached. It was the Donkeykongrus’ fault. Everything was the Donkeykongrus fault.
The Markmeadows and his misinformed misfits would stick with the T-Rump through hell and Pelosi because he was their champion. They were his succumbing sycophants because they were terrified of him. If they raised a hand, he would destroy them on their home turf. It was the Stockholmasaurus Syndrome all over again. The Grandoldparty dinos had literally been kidnapped and after three-grueling, embarrassing years now sympathized with the Tyrumposaurus. Such was the trauma for their small, tiny easily malleable walnuts.
While the Donkeykongrus planned to work hard over the weekend on the beginning stages of their articles of impeachment, the T-Rump was not to be outdone. He would put in twenty minutes, maybe half an hour himself before taking the weekend off.
That is how the T-Rump appeared before a small group of dinos to tell them about some of the rules he was considering changing. These were basic rules of nature regarding earth, wind, fire and water. Except he didn’t know much about the earth, only that it was flat. He knew that the wind caused cancer. He unfortunately drew a blank on fire. But he knew water. Boy, did he know water.
His speech was almost poetic. Almost. If it was put to music and sung by a dino down Ragin’-Cajun Way, it would sound something like this …
Did I say I saw this fountain?
You know, water up like so
Then down this really, really long river
To the sea I think it goes
Reminds me of all the water
Rushin’ by when we’re done and through
I tell you, I’m not gonna lie
I’m not a ten-time flusher like you
Up on Crapper Creek, that’s my tree
Where I squat so meek, on bent knee
And though it does reek, they defend me
The perfect swamp if I ever did see one
Now those sinks and showers?
Set into the rocks like so
You get no water comin’ in
All I see is just drip, drip y’know
And if you put your ear down
And listen really hard
Drip, drip, very quietly, drip, drip
You have to listen hard.
Up on Crapper Creek, that’s my tree
Where I squat so meek, on bent knee
And though it does reek, they defend me
The perfect swamp if I ever did see one
And the sun, that big yellow thing
Up in the sky, sometimes you see half
Hate to say, it gives me an orange face
Now don’t you laugh
So there’s one thing in the whole wide world
I sure would like to see
That’s when my crony dino kind
Moves the sun away from me
Hee-hee!
Up on Crapper Creek, that’s my tree
Where I squat so meek, on bent knee
And though it does reek, they defend me
The perfect swamp if I ever did see one
Now when I’m out sleepin’ flat on my back
And sometimes, well, nature knocks
These wet droplets land with little pings
They kind of make the ground talk
It gets slippery and things stick
To the bottom of my feet
If I open my mouth, it will get full
It’s called rain, pretty neat.
Up on Crapper Creek, that’s my tree
Where I squat so meek, on bent knee
And though it does reek, they defend me
The perfect swamp if I ever did see one
What I’m sayin’ now, just gonna warn ya
Cuz up north it’s freezing cold
And I know there’s some dinos gettin’ pretty old
And dyin’ might seem like some big drama
That’s the pickle we’re all in
We’re just old fools soon to be fossil fuel
So y’all have to thank me again
Up on Crapper Creek, that’s my tree
Where I squat so meek, on bent knee
And though it does reek, they defend me
The perfect swamp if I ever did see one
…………………………………………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 