The Tyrumposaurus Jr. looked out at his audience. He was a guest dino speaker at SCHMUCK. That is, Slickly Controlled Hidden Moolah Under Crony Kinship. The host, the Marklevin, sneered devilishly at him.
“Welcome.”
“Thanks for having me.”
“What would SCHMUCK be without you? I understand you have some new footprints in the sand.”
“Yes, I thought you’d never ask. I spent all day working on it. It’s called Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us Because They Spend Every Waking Hour Totally Upset That the T-Rump is in Power.”
“Wow. That’s a long title.”
“You should see the subtitle. “It’s Absolutely Ridiculous that Those–”
“Okay, enough about the book. I wanted to ask you about your thoughts on the Joebiden and the Hunterbiden and what Hunter especially was doing in the Ukraine Plain.”
“Oh, yeah. Hold me back. Let me tell you. I wish my name was the Hunterbiden. I could go abroad, make millions of moolah-moolah leaves off my father as the dino leader. I’d be a really rich dino. Really, really, really rich. It would be incredible.”
“Uh, pardon me, but you have made millions … and your father, uh … he is the dino leader.”
The T-Rump Jr. looked confused for an instant. He stared from one hand to the other. He nodded slowly, blinked and spoke.
“Ah. But my name’s not Hunterbiden.”
“You have me there. Ahem, T-Rump Jr., I was hoping to bring her out later, but I think right now is the perfect time. Your sister, the Tyvankanatrix.”
The T-Rump’s daughter half-glided, half-thudded out from the wings and squatted beside her brother and the Marklevin.
“It’s so good to see my brother at SCHMUCK. You know, it’s all he’s been talking about all week.”
“Yes, he’s one of the great ones. But tell me, Tyvanka, with your father facing this whole impeachment imbroglio, is there something you desperately need to get off your chest?”
“Why yes, now that you mention it. I just wanted to quote the great Thomasjefferson dino, who said, surrounded by enemies and spies catching and perverting every word that falls from my lips or stomps from my feet, and inventing where facts fail them.”
She jumped to her feet and hollered out at the crowd.
“Some things never change, dad!”
“Wow,” said the Marklevin. “What does that even mean?”
“It means, um … things stay the same?”
“No, no …”
But she was interrupted by a commotion in the audience.
“Is that my little girl?”
It was the T-Rump, making his way to the flat rock stage. He climbed atop it and embraced his daughter.
“You’re looking very, very beautiful today.”
“Thank you, daddy. Don and I were just here to help you fight off all those bad dinos like you told us to.”
The T-Rump patted her on the head and turned to the audience.
“They’re great kids. Just great. Best kids in the world. I taught’em everything they know. What? I did. That’s why they’re great. And you want to know why? Well, maybe I’ll tell you. Maybe I won’t. We’ll see. … Okay, I’m going to tell you. Hopefully it will take your minds off this whole impeachment thing. A total sham, by the way. You do want to raise your kids properly, right? I’m the best father and the song goes something like this …”
I, with wealth borrowed
And still more owed
Can always get by
And so, be like myself
Because the past is just a long lie.
Teach your children well
I went through hell
I was the tough guy
I fed them on some schemes
The ones they pick, they know I’ll stand by
I don’t ever ask them, “Why?”
It is not like me to pry
They just sucked some sucker dry
They owe it to you.
And I, in all my years
Can’t believe how fast
That impeachment went by
And so please help … vote my kids in
They need to win
And then I can die
Teach your children well
I went through hell
I was the tough guy
I fed them on some schemes
The ones they pick, they know I’ll stand by
I don’t ever ask them, “Why?”
It is not like me to pry
They just sucked some sucker dry
They owe it to you.
…………………………………………………………………………
(You can hear the above this Saturday in my musical podcast at https://davidbelisle.podbean.com/)
David Belisle 