“Squawk! Something very big just happened! Squawk!”
It was an evening Trollertweety squawk from the Tyrumposaurus that would keep Dino Nation up all night wondering and worrying what it was about. In this way the T-Rump kept dinosaurs across the land on alert, albeit one foot on the ledge, ready to leap off should his latest knee-jerk adventure turn apocalyptic in nature.
The following morning, the bleary-eyed Mediacircustops surrounded the T-Rump, who looked like he had eaten a Canarysaurus or two. The Mediacircustops had already discovered what the story was through their hoof-to-ground diligence. The Isisaurae leader, the Abu-Bakr-al-Baghdadi, a big bad dino who’d been terrorizing the Middle Eastlands for years, had been killed in a special operation by Milkanhoney Preservation dinos.
The T-Rump was twenty minutes late. He loved making dinos wait for him. He finally stepped up to the flat rock lectern.
“Before I say anything, I just want to thank the Russodinos. They were very helpful. Just great. Extremely great. Secondly, let’s remember that, just like all these crazy dino depositions that are going on, I do not need any help with a strategy. I am the team. I got rid of everybody. Stephanie, do you have something to add?”
The Stephaniegrisham dutifully stood up, smiled brightly and it was all downhill from there.
“I would just like to point out that I worked with the Johnkelly, and he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great leader. Just because he was a four-star general. I mean, c’mon, dinos.”
“Thank you, Stephanie,” said the T-Rump. “We all understand you do have to say something so you can keep your job. Now then. I was a little late today because I had breakfast with the Ericclapton. I threatened him, I mean, I asked him to write a song for me to celebrate this vicious, ruthless — but wonderful — occasion. I was thinking about having a parade too, but the Nancypelosi and the Adamchiff would probably have a heart attack. Anyway, the Ericclapton begged off, something about a slow hand, so I had the Stephenmillerus tackle it. Great writer. He does all my speeches. But I’m a better singer than him of course. I’m a better singer than all you Mediacircustops here.”
The T-Rump coughed up some phlegm, effectively clearing his throat. He held up a hand for supreme quiet and began …
I got Baghdadi, and that will be my legacy
I got Baghdadi, and that will be my legacy
All around in this damn town
They’re trying to put me down
The Donkeykongrus says I am guilty
For the lack of all integrity
For the lack of integrity
But I say:
I got Baghdadi, my stable genius is so immense
I got Baghdadi, and I’ll charge it as a capital expense
The Adamschiff always hated me;
For what I don’t know
Every time that I showed my greed
He said, “That? That is a new low.”
He said, “That? Another new low.”
I say:
I got Baghdadi, my stable genius is so immense
I got Baghdadi, my stable genius is so immense
Great luck came my way one day
Impeachment had got me down
I told the Adamschiff to kiss my crown
The shifty Schiff did frown
So I taught, I taught this clown
I say:
I got Baghdadi, and that will be my legacy
I got Baghdadi, and that will be my legacy
This thug was a distraction, you see
He died like a dog. For me
My victory lap, every day we’ll hear
His whimpering, crying and screaming
Yes, whimpering, crying and screaming
But I say:
I got Baghdadi, and now I have my legacy, oh yeah.
I got Baghdadi, and now I have my legacy, oh yeah.
David Belisle 