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Satire The Trump Dig

T-Rump’s Natural Disaster …

Having quickly passed the Phrydaynoos Dump, the Tyrumposaurus was briefly touring the Biblical Flood Belt with the Femasaurus and Montenegrossus. …

Having quickly passed the Phrydaynoos Dump, the Tyrumposaurus was briefly touring the Biblical Flood Belt with the Femasaurus and Montenegrossus. The Femasaurus was a well-meaning stegosaur with four posterior dorsal vertebrae — great for pushing mud around. The Montenegrossus was a small, sharp-beaked Zonaguvrep herbivore by way of sunny Salvador-Junta.

“Wow,” said the T-Rump. “Now that’s a flood. We just arrived but I think it’s bigger since I got here.”

“In the past hour,” said the grim-faced Femasaurus, “it has displaced a giant herd of Hesperosaurus.” 

“Santa Ana!” exclaimed the Montenegrossus.

“You know,” said the T-Rump, “this is pretty close, yes, we’re almost on top of the site for the Great Tex-Mex Divide.”

The Femasaurus pointed off in the distance.

“Looks like another gang of Gigantosaurus floating away.”

“Great swimmers,” said the T-Rump. “Great swimmers.”

“San Miguel!” exclaimed the Montenegrossus.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” said the Femasaurus.

“Oh, sure,” said the Montenegrossus. “But I was just homesick for my old home, sunny Salvador-Junta.”

“Don’t get too sunny,” said the T-Rump. “We still have to build the Great Tex-Mex Divide.”

“There goes a pack of Pamparaptors,” said the Femasaurus.

“You do realize,” the T-Rump said to the Montenegrossus, “that you’ll have to leave your Salvador-Junta behind.”

“Oh, well. What’s another coup?”

“You’re a good dinosaur. Don’t worry, I’m going to build the Great Tex-Mex Divide if I have to stop the Nafta Trade Winds!”

“You can do that? … I mean, of course you can.”

The Femasaurus pointed out a flailing Fendusaurus in the raging floodwaters.

“I think that’s the last of their species.”

“Tell me about the Leftwing Narrativedactyl,” said the T-Rump.

“I – I haven’t seen any yet,” said the Femasaurus.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

The Montenegrossus brightened.

“Yes, of course. The Leftwing Narrativedactyl. It flies in circles for the Donkeykongrus. It would like to make a case for the meaningless Thuggasaurus when the larger, more important Sheriffjovenators of our period — and all their sweeping powers — need all our attention to keep them active.  That is Trumpassic justice.”

“Indeed it is,” said the T-Rump. “You’re going to go far in my Milkanhoney Preservation. Where’d you say you were from again?

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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