Satire The Trump Dig

T-Rump’s Treacherous Rhetoric …

Much has been made of the dinosaur’s brain being the size of a walnut. I would suggest however, that in times of great duress, they put their tiny brains together. …

TinyBrainMuch has been made of the dinosaur’s brain being the size of a walnut. I would suggest however, that in times of great duress, they put their tiny brains together. One such event was when the Tyrumposaurus and the Kimjongadon were on the verge of a knock-down, drag-out battle of which the world had never seen. Still at the name-calling stage, they quickly ran their walnuts dry. They thus called upon their best dinosaurs to fill the verbal void. It went something like this …

The ball was in the Kimjongadon’s court. He motioned for the Arthurianator to come forward and deliver. The one-time king theropod stepped forward to face the T-Rump.

You are the greatest wickedness of a wicked species. You are so wicked that you must not be allowed.”

“Hah!” said the T-Rump, “Is that the best you got? Bring on the Dubyabushemus.”

The near-sighted sauropod stepped before the Kimjongadon and cleared his throat.

“One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.”

“Aw, c’mon, Dubya,” said the T-Rump. “That didn’t sound Trumpassic. I need Trumpassic, everyone. Go, get back to work.”

The Kimjongadon called upon the Clarecassandraptor, who addressed the T-Rump.

“I learned to play the instruments of war and how to paint in your blood.”

“How cute,” said the T-Rump. “He’s going cutesy on me, everybody! You hear that? Cutesy!”

He looked over what was left of his hard-core base of his followers. Many had left for a disturbance on the Charlottesville Divide.

“You, Pattoneon. You won’t let me down.”

The Pattoneon marched up, stopping smartly in front of the Kimjongadon.

“May God have mercy on you because I won’t.”

“Hah!” laughed the T-Rump. “That’s good. What HE said. Yeah. What he said!”

But the Kimjongadon didn’t look phased at all. It was just another day at the office for him. He pointed and out of the dino crowd came the Marktwaineon. The sour-faced sauropod looked up at the T-Rump.

“God created war so that you could learn geography.”

The Kimjongadon crowd cheered and clapped their little arms as fast as they could.

The T-Rump frowned. He didn’t like being second best. To compound matters, word came from the Charlottesville Divide that the situation there had grown worse. The Psychonazisaurs were wreaking havoc against the Peacepicnix.

Stepping back to the Bullee-Tar Pit, the T-Rump summoned the Shakespearaptor and the Jamesjoyceus. He paused to give them both the what-have-you-done-for-me-lately look. He then promptly sent them in the wrong directions.

The melee at Charlottesville needed a calming influence. It was the Shakespearaptor that arrived with the following message.

“Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!”

Meanwhile, back at the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir, the Jamesjoyceus strode before the Kimjongadon on the T-Rump’s behalf.

“Let my country die for me.”

Cue the dinosaur crickets. The smug T-Rump turned to the shocked Kimjongadon.

“What?” he said with his ruling Shrug of Incredulity.

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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