Satire The Trump Dig

T-Rump Jr. on the Lam! …

My new Vegan-Vegetative Analysis equipment arrived today. I put it to use immediately and made a startling discovery. …

TrumpJrInBCMy new Vegan-Vegetative Analysis equipment arrived today. I put it to use immediately and made a startling discovery. In a Tyrumposaurus Jr. bone, I found small irritations — tell-tale markers of a variant sphagnum moss found only in the remote northeastern Britishcolumbiana.

That’s right. The T-Rump Jr. is on the run. I’m writing in paleo-present tense — to give the reader that up-close, nostril-flaring feel of a tour through Trumpassic Park. You can almost sense the T-Rump Jr.’s fear.

What is the T-Rump Jr. doing in northeastern Britishcolumbiana? Hunting the slow-moving Stoned Sheep? Grazing on the plentiful Magicallus Mushroomae? Perhaps. It’s much more likely the T-Rump Jr. is looking to distance himself from the Kushneratops and the Manaforta. His green bill and facial stubble are perfect camouflage for these dangerous wilds.

The Langleytips, a nose-to-the-ground sauropod, is looking to offer up the T-Rump Jr. to the Muellersavus. This would indeed be justice served in the Trumpassic neighborhood.

Being in foreign territory however, the Langleytips will give way to the Canuckmountiecops, a Puckluckean dinosaur that, like the Langleytips, possesses outstanding tracking skills.

This brings to mind the famous Canuckmountiecops chase and capture of the Madtrapperaptor of the Rat River Reserve. I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that the Canuckmountiecops always gets their dino.

You’re probably wondering where the papa T-Rump is in all this. The short answer is that the T-Rump Jr. has simply strayed too far. The T-Rump won’t save the day this time. There will be no last-minute, 11th hour bait-and-switch with the Muellersavus.

Perhaps the Stoned Sheep and Magicallus Mushroomae hold the answer for the T-Rump Jr.’s survival. Back to my Vegan-Vegetative Analysis.

By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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