201204 – David Belisle

Have a Drink on Me …

It was all very official looking. Sobering almost, in its quiet splendor, this special Michigonian hearing on its immaculately kept, politico-dino grounds. The hearing had been diligently scheduled to deal with a matter of voter fraud brought before region officials, including the very serious-looking Stevenjohnson. The Rudygiuliani’s long-awaited, all-star witness, the Melissacarone finally had her say.

“The po-po-poll book is completely off. Completely off.”

The Stevenjohnson puzzled.

“Off by 30,000?”

“I’d say that poll book is off by over a hundred thousand. That poll book? Why don’t you look at the registered voters on there? How many registered voters are on there? Did you, do you even know the answer to that?”

“No, I guess that, I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.”

“Zero. Zero. There’s zero.”

“So, my question then is … if the …”

“Guess how many, wait … what about, what about, how, whatta whatta what about the turnout rate? A hundred and twenty percent?”

The Rudygiuliani reached across, digging his claws into her thighs, trying to cut her off. It was no use. It only elicited a goofy laugh from her.

“Rudy, stop it. Later, okay, hon?”

The Stevenjohnson continued.

“So the poll book number, there’s two things that could happen here. Either the poll book number, each ballot counted multiple times … there’s two options. Option number one is that the poll book numbers are not going to match the actual …”

“They don’t.”

“But not by thousands and thousands of votes. That’s not what we see right now.”

“You take a look again. Take a look again.”

“Option number two is that they essentially were filling in names of dinos who didn’t vote.”

“Dead dinos too?”

“My question is, we’re not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes. That’s not the case.”

“Well, what’d you guys do?” She slurred her words like a dino sliding slowly down a muddy path. “Take it and uh, do something crazy to it?”

The Stevenjohnson shook his head.

“I’m just saying the numbers are not off by 30,000 votes, so …”

“I know what I saw.”

“When you say they’re filling in …”

“I know what I saw … and I signed something saying that if I’m wrong, I can go to prison. Did you?”

She threw him a petulant look of disdain. He didn’t flinch.

“I’m asking a question here. I just want to keep following back up with the poll books. Are we saying that the poll book is either wildly off or that they are …”

“Wildly off.”

“Or that they are filling in names?”

“It’s wildly off. It’s wildly off. And dead dinos voted. And illegals voted so that’s my answer.”

“Nothing else?”

“Well, there is — hiccup! — one last thing …”

A song rolled into and around the cave. The Melissacarone rose from her rock to sing.

Rudy keeps me handy

Cuz I think T-Rump is dandy

I’m tryin’ to grab the headlines

Swingin’ on the grape vine

So join me for a drink, boys

Not gonna play with sharp toys

You’ll have to tell me what I know

What do I say?

I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way!

Have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

I’m really quite exciting

In the proper lighting

If your ballot count is shorter

I’ll be your new reporter

Yeah, so let’s go sling some slime

Then happy hour on your dime

You’ll have to tell me what I know

What do I say?

I’m a wild, crazy wreck, more kool-aid, this way!

Have a drink on me

Yeah, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

C’mon!

Gonna say I found

Ballots underground

Get another wig

One that doesn’t stink

Gonna ask you why

Till you think I’m high

Can you see white noise?

Lost my poise, have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Have a drink

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

The Fools on the Hill …

“Hey, I’m speaking now! Everybody, shut up!”

The Ronnamcdaniel, chief dino of the Grandoldparty planning committee, had a certain way about her. The Trumpassic Period was a cut-throat dino world where razor-sharp teeth always left marks and blood was typically spilt by noon. Except she was on home turf today, trying to fire up the good dinos of Georgia Orchard to get out the word for two Grandoldparty dinos. The Kellyloeffler and the Davidperdue were in the upcoming dino run-off into the jungle for two Sin Hut seats at the big dino’s flat rock table. The natives were restless at this latest meet-and-greet-and-eat.

“Now the T-Rump just told me yesterday, he said unequivocally, that he supports the Loeffler and Perdue and he’s coming right down here to Georgia Orchard to help them out. Dinos want to see him out there battling for our two dinos, as he continues to fight his own battles and make sure that his election was fair and transparent.”

A loud Leatherneck from the back of the cave rose off his haunches.

“Wait a goll-darn minute there. Are you saying that the T-Rump is having troubles with his own election against the Joebiden … but our little ol’ Sin Hut election is gonna be fair and square? How can that be? What in tarnation is goin’ on?”

“Hold on now, just stop right there.” The Ronnamcdaniel took a deep breath. “I want you all to read my rubbery lips. I am categorically dismissing each and every concern or apprehension you may have over the legitimacy of the election because that is only put there to discourage you, the T-Rump voters from voting in this run-off.”

“Say what?” came the voice of dino down front whose dander had been sufficiently raised. “Your last statement only gives me cause and concern. And great alarm! Did I hear you right? You’re saying that the cheatin’ IS there but we ain’t allowed to worry about it? You ain’t easin’ my fears, lady. You is multiplyin’ them!”

Another dino jumped in.

“And the T-Rump jumped all over our own dino, the Raffensberger and threw him right under the Priebusunderbus. That Raffensberger is a good Georgia Orchard dino. A real peach of a dino. Would you mind explainin’ that one cuz I’m a-listenin’ with both o’ my big ears!”

“Well, um … you see, it’s like this.” The Ronnamcdaniel licked her rubbery lips. Now she knew how the Emilymurphy felt. Between a rock and a hard place and an extra hard rock falling from above. “Okay, okay, yes, the T-Rump has leveled claims of widespread fraud here. And he said that he could see we were dealing with a very fraudulent system. He’s worried about that. But let’s look on the bright side. He also called the Kellyloeffler and the Davidperdue tremendous dinos. Very tremendous, widespread tremendous. Let’s focus on that, shall we?”

Yet another dino hollered above others to be heard in the commotion.

“The Tyrumposaurus, bless his heart, he done informed us time and time again that this whole thing is rigged, it is. How come we have to put in all this time and effort when the race is already decided?”

“No, no, no. It’s not decided. Please don’t say that. I’m new at this deprogramming thing, so please bear with me. It’s a work in progress. This is the key. Trust me. At some point soon we’ll be able to convince you without anybody getting hurt or lasting side effects.”

“Are you talking about the Coronavirus?” asked a concerned elderly lady dino.

“No, ma’am. Please, one crisis at a time. Okay, everyone. My time here is about up.”

“But you just got here.”

“Look, just because I’m leaving in a hurry, don’t lose faith in me, because if you don’t vote and you just walk away like I’m doing now, that’s going to decide it. So do as I say, not as I do, okay?”

Nothing like a little reverse psycho-babble she thought as she scrambled out the exit. She made her way past a little hole-in-the-wall that the Paulmccartney occasionally popped in. Today was one of those days.

Fray after fray, a throne yet to fill

The MAGA, the haggard, are still all taking their stupid pills

As Georgia pleads and reminds them

Vote for your life, don’t be a fool

Though voting fraud is the cancer

Cuz the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump as unsound

But his lies they all fled

Are now running them down

Loeffler, Perdue, heads in a cloud

Kelly, green with her money, David not speaking out loud

But nobody ever fears them

Or their super spreader outbreak

The Covid deaths out of focus

But the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And the lies they all fled

Are now running them down

And those votes were changed to Biden

They heard T-Rump, the gospel truth

It’s the other side who’s stealing

Cuz the fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And the lies they all fled

Are now running them down

Oh, those votes, found’em, found’em, found’em, found’em

Georgia now out on a limb

Snapping back at the fools

“We’ll boycott then”

The fools on the Hill

See T-Rump going down

And they lies they all fled

Are now running them down

Oh, found’em, found’em, found’em

………………………………

You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!