The Jeremydiamond trained his eye on the Tyrumposaurus at the flat rock lectern. The young Mediacircustops had long stopped listening to the T-Rump blathering on with his empty excuses, lexicon of lies and bumbling baffle-gab. It all blended into blatant promotion for the upcoming November battle. No, the Jeremydiamond was there to ask hard-hitting questions to allow Dino Nation to see their leader for who he really was beneath the bombastic buffoonery that was his anemic, long-running national response to the Coronavirus pandemic.
“Questions?”
The Jeremydiamond’s arm shot up.
“T-Rump, the Nancypelosi expressed concern about your lapping up Hydroxychloroquine from the unsafe, sketchy end of the Puhl-DePlugg Reservoir. She said she was concerned about your health, especially your morbid obesity.”
“She’s incompetent. Grossly incompetent. You go tell her that.”
“T-Rump, she’s already said she refuses to argue with you because it’s like, let me get her exact words here … like having a tinkle contest with a skunk.”
“She’s the skunk. I said it first. She’s the skunk.”
“No, I’m afraid she said it first. But moving along, T-Rump. You’re going to Michigonia. You say they named you their Dino of the Year. I’ve checked with all the authorities. They did no such thing. You’re lying, T-Rump. Again. You are not Dino of the Year. Anywhere.”
“Yes, I am. Because I say I am.”
“That must mean we indeed are finally there, T-Rump.”
“Oh? Where?”
“I’m quoting the Rachelmaddow, she called this a lower circle of hell. You should know the majority of Dino Nation watch her, T-Rump. With regards to your latest move — reopening the Milkanhoney Preservation reopen while many dinos are still keeling over dead, she asked, ‘what fresh hell is this?’ Any comments on her calling this world you’ve created … hell? Twice, T-Rump. Hell.”
“She’s hell.”
“You’re projecting again, T-Rump.”
“No, I’m, uh … I’m … promoting. Yes, that’s it. My miracle cure. Listen up. Many many doc-sis … doctors …. many doctors came out and they said, uh … it’s great now. Uh, you have to go to a doctor. I have a doctor in the Oval Dwelling. I said, what do you think? And it’s just a line of defense. I’m just talking about as a line of defense. I’m dealing with a lot of dinos. Look at all the dinos here.”
“But I think it’s worth it as a line of defense and I’ll stay on it for a little while longer. I’m just very curious myself, but it seems to be very safe. There was a false study done where they gave it to very sick dinos, extremely sick dinos, dinos that were ready to die. Old dinos staggering around, their tongues hanging out. Gasping for breath. They all had bad breath. The study was given by obviously not friends of the Grandoldparty dinos … and the study came out. The dinos were ready to die. Every dino was OLD. All of them. Tongues hanging out. Did I tell you their tongues were hanging out? That was a phony study and it’s very dangerous to do it. Imagine if I was to squat here and give you one phony line. Just one. The fact is … dinos should want to help dinos. Not to make political points. It’s really sad when they do that. Very sad. What has been determined is, it doesn’t, uh … harm you. Very powerful drug. I guess. But it doesn’t harm you. Not in the slightest. You shouldn’t worry. I mean, just ask the Alicecooper, speaking on my behalf of course.”
Well ya got no choice
Listen to my voice
You can now rejoice
This drug’s makin’ noise
Hy-droxy-chloro-quine until ya gag
If that don’t suit ya, that’s a drag
Kool-Aid for summer
Kool-Aid forever
Kool-Aid for diseases
No more virus, just my good looks
No more blue state dirty crooks
Well I got no class
And I got no principles
And I got no innocence
I don’t even know what per capita means
Kool-Aid for summer
Kool-Aid forever
My Kool-Aid’s for all diseases!
No more virus, just my good looks
No more blue state dirty crooks
Drink for summer
Drink for fall
Just keep drinkin’, drink it all!
Kool-Aid forever
Kool-Aid for summer
Kool-Aid, no fever
Kool-Aid, get greedy
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 