Oval Dwelling dino staffers scampered in all directions — away from the cantankerous commander in chief, the Tyrumposaurus. He was a dino not to be stifled or trifled with as he paced the large cave in front of his second in command. No, not THAT second in command, the Mincepencenow, but the senior Kentucky Gobbler, the Moscowmitch. Think less yes-dino, more you-gotta-be-kidding-me.
“When are you going to start the damn impeachment trial?” asked the T-Rump.
“I told you. We have to wait for the Nancypelosi to give us the two articles of impeachment.”
“Only two? Hell, we can beat that.”
The Moscowmitch looked at him as one might a dino preparing to jump off a cliff boasting they will fly like a Pterodactyl.
“I’m sorry, T-Rump, I truly am, but we can’t allow the Donkeykongrus to have witnesses and evidence. We won’t stand a chance.”
“I’ll tell you who doesn’t stand a chance. That damn Whistleblower dino. That’s who. Expose him. I want a name. Make him an example for all Whistleblower dinos. Make them extinct. Extinct, dammit!”
“I – I hate it when you talk this way. It makes me question my own mortality.”
“Oh, don’t go getting religious on me.”
The Moscowmitch could only shake his head at the empty walnut before him. The T-Rump glared at him.
“What? What is it?”
“Why, nothing. Nothing at all.”
“Oh, it’s something alright. It’s the Iranosaurus thing, isn’t it?”
Three days before, on the T-Rump’s orders, the battle-hardened Iranosaurus guru, the Soleimani, had been killed in the Middle Eastlands.
The T-Rump huffed and puffed.
“It was the right thing to do. He was a b-a-a-a-d dino. The Obamarus had his chance and blew it. Not me. I took care of business. It was the perfect opportunity to make this impeachment trial. Go. Away.”
The Moscowmitch cringed and cast a wild glance around them.
“Forgive me, T-Rump, but are you insane? If any dino hears you say that …”
“What’s going to happen? Huh? What’s going to happen?”
The Moscowmitch could only go mum and stare at the ground in disbelief. The T-Rump smirked.
“That’s what I thought. And you know me. Time to double down.”
“Double down?”
“You’re going to squat right there and listen to my song about it.”
“You made a song about it?”
“Is there an echo in here? My vanity demanded it.”
“But, you can’t sing. I mean, I’m trying to forget the last time I … I mean, if you want me to listen to you, I guess I’ll have to … I mean, I will.” A deep sigh. “I will.”
“Well, don’t look so beat up about it. Oh, and hold onto your heart, Moscowmitch. I’m not taking any prisoners.”
The Moscowmitch grimaced, the ground shook and the T-Rump sang. In no particular order.
I took down Soleimani
Cut him off at the knees
Yeah, I took down the devil
Cuz my religion agrees
Oh, they’re callin’ me crazy
This damn impeachment won’t die
Now I’m losin’ my head again
I’m losin’ my head
Oh, I’m losin’ my head again
I’m just waggin’ the dog alone
Yes, I’m waggin’ the dog at home
I’m just waggin’ the dog alone
I’m just waggin’ the dog at home
Oh, I’m nobody’s angel
I’m no Middle East star
But I’ll send you to heaven
Because I have Williambarr
Oh, I’m losin’ my head again
I’m losin’ my head
Oh, I’m losin’ my head again
I’m just waggin’ the dog alone
Waggin’ the dog at home
I’m just waggin’ the dog alone
Oh, just waggin’ the dog at home
I’ll be the Tower of Babel,
Cuz I do talk a lot
If I don’t like what you’re doin’
I’ll make it get hot — give it everything I got
Waggin’ the dog alone
Waggin’ the dog at home
Waggin’ the dog alone
I’m just waggin’ the dog at home
Waggin’ the dog alone
Waggin’ the dog at home
I’m just waggin’ the dog alone
I’m just waggin’ the dog … waggin’ the dog … waggin’ the dog
O-o-o-o-h, I’m just waggin’ the dog at home
Ow!
………………………………
You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!
David Belisle 