Satire The Trump Dig

The Devilnunesmemo …

He was a former Grandoldparty dinosaur gone rogue. The Langleytips called him ‘extremely reckless.’ He was the Devilnunesmemo. He’d taken a giant leap for the Tyrumposaurus’ team and cratered bigly. Huge bigly. Ground shaking bigly. When his foot fell from his mouth, it was felt throughout the Milkanhoney Preservation, rattling the very underpinnings below, along the once clean-slate line of the Foundation of Demawkrussy.

The Devilnunesmemo had gone off half-cocked like a stumbling, bumbling, old Milwaukeeraptor, thinking he had so much intelligence when he was still half a walnut shy of a brain.

The Donkeykongrus knew better. They were well aware that many of the Grandoldparty dinos had yet to make it through the age-old evolutional phase called Kommonsense. This was particularly true of the Sayheytreygowdy and the Ronconjobjohnson, who were telling any Mediacircustops they could run down that the Langleytips group was a deep state and secret society — not just the Strzokpeter turning the Lisapagemetonite over .. and over … deep in the bushes.

The Nancypelosionyx was livid. She called it a cover-up. The deadline for the T-Rump to holler, “Release the Sanctionsaurus!” on the Putinodon and every Moscoligarchshark had come and gone. The T-Rump had called the Sanctionsaurus seriously flawed, though the big dino’s bite never failed to leave a mark. The Donkeykongrus were left taking names and pointing claws instead of seeing dismembered limbs strewn about.

Mediacircustops everywhere were left once again scratching their scaly noggins. What did the Putinodon have on the T-Rump?

The Andrewmccabe, the veteran Langleytips, had left town. He’d taken an early retirement, tired of the constant sniping and Trollertweety attacks against him and his wife from the T-Rump. With the news of the Andrewmccabe departure, the Comenyonus had even weighed in, calling the Grandoldparty dinos “small.” This was indeed a stinging rebuke, considering the average dino tipped the scales at twenty tons. Still, the Andrewmccabe pitied the Sessionsopussum and the Rodrosentstein who were left as the T-Rump’s numbers one and two whipping dinos whenever the Winds of Muellersavus whipped up anew.

This was the backdrop for the Tyrumposaurus’ Great List of Excuses Address later that night.

But the antsy Nancypelosionyx had one last thing to say. Regarding the T-Rump, she remarked, “let the attention be on his slobbering self. If his nose isn’t running and he isn’t burping, he did a great speech.”