Still the One …

“Daddy, listen to me.”

“Ahem.” The Tyvankanatrix glanced sideways at the Kushneratops, then back to her father.

“I mean us, listen to us. This has gone on long enough. It’s been ten days since you … how can I say this gracefully? You – you had 72 million dinosaurs line up behind you. You did wonderful. I’m so proud of you, daddy. But it just wasn’t quite enough. It’s obviously all those dinos’ fault that you … that you didn’t emerge victorious.”

“Are you trying to tell me I lost?” He fairly spat the word out.

“Oh, no, daddy. It was the 72 million dinos who lost. They’re going to lose a great, world-renowned leader.”

“Damn those dinos,” the Kushneratops sneered. “Those small, ungrateful, spineless tail-waggers who couldn’t drag nine neighbors to the polls like they were supposed to.”

“Don’t you two worry,” the T-Rump growled. “This isn’t over yet.”

“What are you going to do, daddy?”

“Fire them all! Every last one of them. Esper. Gone. Wray, Haspell, they’ll never know what hit them. I’ll get dinos in there so that when I say jump, they’ll be doing high dives into the lagoon.”

“Then what?” asked his son-in-law.

“What do you mean, then what? I’ll leverage my position to make maximum moolah-moolah leaves like I’ve been doing since day one.”

“Daddy, sorry to interrupt, but another 150,000 dinos got sick with Covid yesterday.”

“Yes, but did you see how bad the Foxsquawkbox dinos are now? They’re the sick ones. They are nothing without me. Nothing. Tell me again how I can be Dino Nation’s leader in four years.”

The Tyvanka and the Kushneratops looked at each other. They’d had The Talk, the one where they debated who was going to have to tell T-Rump he was going straight to the Solitary Sinkhole when he moved out of the Oval Dwelling. They hadn’t come to a final decision as yet, their most promising solution being pawning the task off on Eric. 

“Daddy, I know that Don Jr. and Eric are running around dino world making all kinds of claims about the Donkeykongrus stealing the election, but the longer this goes on, well … it’s going to make Jared and me look bad.”

The T-Rump frowned.

“And this affects me how?”

Before the Tyvanka could respond however, an exasperated Markmeadows burst into the room.

“They just projected Zona Canyon.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” The T-Rump pumped a short arm into the sky.

The Kushneratops raised his own short arm to correct him but it was no use as the T-Rump launched into song.

I’ve been your leader since way back when

Someday they’ll admit to my election win

I’m not ready to go

Let me make this clear

I’m still the one

I’m not going anywhere 

I’m still the one

Who only sees red

Still the one

Til I drop dead

I’m still on the run

And I’m still the one

I looked at this race every day

Until that stupid plague seemed far, far away

My lawyers explained

What I wanted to know

They were short and curt

They said take it slow

I’m still the one

Who likes riffraff

Still the one

Four chiefs of staff

I’m still the long con 

And I’m still the one

I’m still the one

Knows right from wrong

Still the one

Telling Biden, so long!

They’re still counting, hon

And I’m still the one

Changing, their shove is getting old

Even though some aren’t told, it’s my coup 

I’m still the one

Who is so in dutch 

Still the one

You can’t send too much

I’m still staring at the sun

And I’m still the one

I’m still the one

With the bait an’ switch

Still the one

Saying “voting glitch!”

I’m still banking none

And I’m still the one

I AM still the one

With all the clout

Still the one

They all talk about

I’m still not quite done

And I’m still the one

I’m still the one

Yeah, still the one

I’m still saying I won

And I’m still the one


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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