If You Concede Right Now …

The Kushneratops paced the Oval Dwelling in front of his father-in-law.

“I know the staff have you out flogging on the back forty so you can calm your nerves, but two days in a row, and you are no closer to accepting the inevitable.”

“What? That my backswing isn’t what it used to be?”

“No, you lost the election, T-Rump. Yesterday. By tens of thousands of votes. Everywhere. It’s not even close.”

“They stole it. Like they stole everything. They’re thieves, they are.”

“We have no proof. We’ve been to court ten times. They’re beginning to get a bit P-O’d at the sight of us. You can’t stonewall an election, T-Rump. Dino Nation won’t stand for it.”

“Oh, they’ll be standing alright. I’m going to do what I do best.”

“What? Bait and switch?”

“No. Rallies. I’m going to tour the countryside and tell all the dinos how I was robbed and that thousands and thousands of votes were fake. Fraudulent!”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Who cares? They get to see me. They love me. They need me to keep this whole populist-conservative-carnival facade alive.”

“Are you trying to launch a revolution?”

“What have I got to lose?”

“Well, for one thing, we’ve had 120,000 or more Covid cases for the past three days in a row.”

“That’s all Biden’s fault. He was too busy counting his 75 million fake votes.”

“There you go again. You’re acting like Biden is the leader of Dino Nation when you want him to be … and refusing him that title when dinos across the land have spoken. T-Rump, I hate to say it, but you’re really beginning to make the Grandoldparty dinos look bad.”

“Hah! They’re nothing without me.”

“Except in two months you’ll be nothing too. They won’t have to listen to you any more.”

“Two months? A lot could change by then. I could fall in and out of love with the Kimjongadon. And I can certainly agitate the masses. Just watch me.”

“I’m getting a little worried about you. I’m calling …”


“The Tymelania.”

Sure enough, his wife was in the Oval Dwelling twenty minutes later. The T-Rump sulked in the corner. He hated these conversations. That look she gave him always said the same thing. I know exactly how many times you’ve cheated on me. 

“Nice to see you, dear,” he said, lying through his teeth.

She stared at him quietly but sternly. Yes, it was the Quietly Stern stare. Her secret weapon. He blinked and fired back.

“No, I’m not giving up. Biden can bite my butt.”

She said nothing. But she sang plenty.

If you concede right now, you can ask Putin to help you flee 

Oh, Donald, it’s time to go

And if you concede right now, I won’t have to do f**king Christmas tree

Oh, yes

Donald, time to go

Oh, Donald

They don’t want you to stay

A lead like yours, Biden was so behind

How could you let it slip away?

No widespread fraud, no more votes to find

I knew it would always end this way

When tomorrow comes and you don’t quit yet

Give me a f**king break!

A pre-nup like ours, do you think I am blind?

Look at me, I am counting the days

To come this far, I am losing my mind

In two months, they’ll put you away

When tomorrow comes, you just have more debt

Give me a f**king break!

If you concede right now, you’ll soon be seeing the last of me

Oh, yes

Donald, you must go

Oh, Donald

I don’t want to be by your side

Oh, no

Donald, please, just go

Oh, Donald

I just got to get f**king out of here!


You can hear the musical version of today’s post and previous T-Rump Digs at my podcast site at Podbean. Two new T-Rump tracks every Saturday. Enjoy!

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