Humor Political Satire The T-Rump Dig

Talk to Us …

“This is one big Picklesaurus we’re in,” the Rudygiuliani said with his freakish grimace —  his googly eyes bouncing around his forehead. He’d been doing this a lot lately.
“Did somebody say Picklesaurus?” asked the Tyrumposaurus. …

“This is one big Picklesaurus we’re in,” the Rudygiuliani said with his freakish grimace —  his googly eyes bouncing around his forehead. He’d been doing this a lot lately.

“Did somebody say Picklesaurus?” asked the Tyrumposaurus. “I’m hungry. I’m always hungry. Why do I have to tell dinos that? Don’t they know? Stephanie,  you do know I’m hungry don’t you? Do something!”

The Stephaniegrisham knew better than to ask where she was going to find a Picklesaurus at this time of the night. Were Picklesaurae nocturnal? She didn’t know. She cursed the Huckabeecyclops and her long laugh that had echoed through the Oval Dwelling when she’d left. 

The T-Rump and his cavalcade of legal dinos had gathered to discuss their strategy. The dino depositions were over. The Grandoldparty dinos had complained long and loud about all the witnesses’ hearsay and how the T-Rump had been shut out of the process. Never mind that this was the very definition of how dino depositions had been carried out down through the ages. These days if you looked at the Lindseygraham wrong you were accused of dino-slaughter.

Next up in the impeachment process was the dino judge committee hearing. The Jaysekulow rose from his squat.

“Sorry to say, but it looks like we’re screwed. If we participate, we legitimize the process and just make the T-Rump look guilty. If we don’t participate, we could continue our story that there has been no due process and the whole thing is just a hoax. But the Donkeykongrus will nail us then for more obstruction and call it a big cover-up.”

“That’s it?” gasped the T-Rump. “And you’re working for me for free? You should be paying me to squat here and listen to this garbage. I’m a sick dino, you know. Not that kind of sick. You’re killing me here!”

Legal dino after legal dino rose from their squat, raised a short arm, remembered they had nothing to say and squatted back into languishing embarrassment. How did a dino defend the T-Rump? You may as well try to put the lava back in the volcano.

A tail whack at the entrance caused them all to breathe the sigh of reprieve. It was their arch-enemy. The Jerrynadler.

“What are you doing here?” snapped the T-Rump. “Don’t I see enough of you at work?”

“Yes. Be that as it may, I’m here to let you know of this week’s plans, what with the hearing we’ve planned. Ahem. You know, for your impeachment?”

“You had to remind me. Hurry up. Get it over with and be on your way.”

“Uh … do you mind if I sing it to you?”

Every dino’s a musician this month. Well, I know you won’t be singing like the Gordonsondland. Or the Mickmulvaney if he ever thinks I can’t keep my fat foot on his scrawny little yellow neck. Did I just say that? I, uh … didn’t know you could sing, Nadler.”

“I can’t. I just like the tune.”

The Jerrynadler tapped his tail on the ground and outside the wind in the woods arrived with such brass.


I can see we’re thinking about the same things

Yes, I see your worry when a crony sings

We both know there’s an impeachment happening here

There’s no sense dancing around the subject

Immune you’re not, you simply cannot deflect 

Well, you know now.

There’s something here to fear.


You can talk to us.

Talk to us.

You can talk to us.

You can understand the fuss, maybe


Now is your chance for your story to be heard

There’s a deadline to participate inside

Again, this means you

I know you think it’s hard

To come out of hiding

But just so you know who’s barred

No, Hunterbiden

No Whistleblower, but there’s something you can do


You can talk to us

You can talk to us, I know you’re down now

You can talk to us.

T-T- ahem … Talk to us.


Now, you may lie to our face, we’ll turn the other cheek

So the legal dinos can find the penalty they seek

Your wall runs high against what we hold dear

Let that wall come down

Seems right to me

You can make amends or get the third degree

You need some friends who see the danger here


You can talk to us

Talk to us, time to take your bow

You can talk to us

You can one day be free. Maybe.

Well, just remember that I’m pulling the strings

And like the judge said, we don’t need any kings


Do not disregard. We’ll just call this tough love.

Because we know of all your schemes, that should be enough

You want to see who? Maybe.

Some advice for you? Maybe.

Talk to us. Yes.

Sorry to say, no, you can’t have everything.



You can hear the musical version of this post this Saturday — and other past T-Rump Dig posts — at Podbean. Enjoy!


By David Belisle

I'm a novelist and screenwriter in search of the Great Guffaw. It's kind of like getting hit with a bucket of Gatorade. It's a good time that sticks with you.

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